Should I attend this funeral?

[Anonymous]

My aunt (uncle’s wife) recently passed away unexpectedly. She was always nice to us but then I don't know what happened suddenly. People said it was jealousy but I don't know. For over a decade she treated my mom and I extremely unfairly and deeply hurt our feelings. Due to that we distanced ourselves from her to protect our mental health. A few months ago though, my aunt seemed to have wanted to reconcile, I suspect this since she actually told my Dad she wanted to chat with us and personally invite us to her home. But we couldn’t chat at the moment. We are torn if to attend the funeral or not. We would like to pay our respects and be there to support the rest of the family, but we fear her side of the family insults us. (She told many lies about us to her family). I went to the wake and no one treated my badly. A few people even asked for my mom. So I’m not sure if this means she’s welcome to the home. I’ve never experienced anything like this and believe it or not , she’s the only person we’ve ever had a riff like this with. Since she’s elder to us we never actually stood up for ourselves, we just quietly keep a distance. What should we do?

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man girl, that's such an awful situation. Funerals are already so hard without add family drama on top.

Honestly it sounds like you and your mom did your best to handle things respectfully by distancing yourselves when she was hurting you guys. Mental health has to come first. Plus if she was spreading lies, ugh what a messy bitch!

I think the fact no one was rude at the wake is a good sign you'll likely be okay at the funeral too. Seems most people aren't taken in by whatever crap she said. And wanting you there shows they maybe want to move past it all now too.

If you do go, stay close to the relatives you know have your back. But I'd say go for your dad's sake to support him especially. Maybe say a quick prayer and leave before any potential drama kicks off. Or stay on the margins if you're worried. But hopefully it'll be okay! You deserves to grieve too. Hugs girl, you've got this!

[Anonymous]

It's never worth holding grudges. It does make sense to remain wary given the past misdomeaners towards you, but when people are grieving putting aside differences to offer comfort is the rigth and decent thing.

That said, if you attend and find the person keeps triggering you; Just politely offer your sincear condolences then appologise and excuse yourself. You can cite the need for time alone to reflect, as any decent person should not obstruct such a request (and should they attempt to you can feel no qualms in just leaving). However, her is hoping that you get surprised and find this is a moment to reconnect. Best of luck and condolences on your loss.

[Texaskid1]

You already went to the wake. Might as well go to the funeral. She is dead now. Forgive and forget.