How many of you had/have daddy Issues, and how do you think not having a dad or a good relationship with your dad, has affected you?

[coxoabean]

How many of you guys and girls don't have a great relationship with your dad? How do you think having a good dad in your life could have helped you do better? Do you think it has affected you at all?

[Finchie40]

I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father that use to beat up my brothers’ and I , he was also abusive to my mom as well , until my grandfather came over with 2 of us buddies to kick my Dad’s ass and told my Dad he won’t be walking again if he lays another finger on us. My Dad started to slow down on his drinking and started to become a better father to my brothers and I and a better husband to my Mom ,, I still have a lot of resentments towards him from how he treated my mom and my brothers’ theough the years , Iwhen I got older, in my mid teens I no longer stepped down to my father , because I knew I could kick his ass , when he came at me to hit me , I clocked him in the face and that was the last time he ever laid a finger on me. I had some much hate an anger towards him and lost a lot of respect for him , He has his good moments and a lot of bad , As I got older and I moved out , my connection with my father kind of drifted away , he barely would talk to me and barely ever called me , I would only hear from him when I called my Mom , he has said some things through the years that didn’t sit with me well , that made me realize he wasn’t a really good father, he barely wanted no parts of his Grandchildren , so my kids don’t even consider him a grandfather at all because they barely know him , if my kids’ reached out to him he was nice to them but he barely wanted to get to know them. As for my Mom she was pretty much controlled by my father but my Dad did take care of her. Last year my oldest brother passed away from drug overdose , and my older brother of course blamed my father for his addiction , 3 months after he passed my mom Passed away as well , me and my other brother were there for my Dad and helped him clean up the house and sold it , he now’s lives with my other brother and has slowly been trying to reconnect with me , and apologized to me for not really being there for me and my kids through the years. but he told me he always loved me and the kids , he just didn’t know how to show it. My dad was a hard worker and he provided for us and gave us nice things and a nice home , but money doesn’t buy love. My father was also abused from his Dad as well. My whole life I wanted to be nothing like my father to my kids ‘ the only thing I learned from my father was to be a worker , I have always been a worker ever since I was 11 years old. So yes I can admit , I have some Daddy issues as well unfortunately no married a girl that is just like my father and I put an end to that shit as well. Now I am looking for a girl that is like my Mom lol

[DrPepper12]

Thank you for sharing. You seem like a stand up guy breaking the cycle!

[Finchie40]

Thanks man , I just believe things happen for a reason. , we can either accept it or dwell over it , I just learned to accept it and put the past behind me as much as possible , I also believe a lot
Of things that we deal with stems down from our childhood , from things we have witnessed and experienced as children that we buried in us but carried with us as well. So again we can either accept it or deal with it or bury it again. And again , only you can decide what is best for yourself. Why I love that John Mayer song , Say what you need to say

[ohsheeT]

When I was 5 years old my cousin had come to visit and she told me that my dad was not my dad it really upset me so I went and I asked

That's what I was told that he was not my dad he was my step dad but he wanted to adopt me

I didn't want that I wanted to know my real dad I wanted to know who he was so I could know who I was

After that moment every guy that I would come in contact with I would look at them and wonder if that's was my dad I learned how to read people pretty well after doing this for many many years

I was 29 when I met my real dad
And after meeting him nothing had really changed
Except for we had a lot of the same mannerisms as a person he seem like he was a good person and to come find out later on in life the more times we admit confirmed that yes he was a good person

But it didn't change anything for me except for now I knew who he was and I don't mean this in a bad way because he was a good person but I realize who I didn't want to be

I've always wondered if my life would be different if I would have grown up with him but at the same time it doesn't really matter I have become myself because of everything I've gone through and I like myself I can't wish in one hand dream in the other hand
It is what it is and I am who I am and I wouldn't change a thing I'm very happy
There's a reason for everything in this world and I accept that

I have realized in life that when we were born we are all given a gift and that gift is choice we get to choose we want to be by the things that we say and do no matter who our parents are

Because sometime in life you have to realize it doesn't matter where you came from it matters where you're going and no matter who was in your life you have to make the right choices for the right reasons to become who you want to become

[Anonymous]

Definitely me. I basically am only attracted to older successful men. I always wanted my fathers approval, he used to spank me when I misbehaved, then he stopped when they realised I was getting turned on and masturbating afterwards. I often spied on my parents msking love and used to get turned on listening to them, my mother is always happy with my father's performance. I used to wear revealing outfits so he'd notice and walked to the kitchen topless when my mother wasn't Home which upset him but he looked. One time I got drunk and made a move on him, fof a minute he was into it, I could tell when I was groping him but he pushed me away and it's been weird these last two years. My parents insist I see a psychologist in exchange for college tutition and aren't happy that I've dated many of my father's friends.

[DrPepper12]

I think the psychologists or psychiatrist is a great idea tbh

[red-lipstick-girl]

He's your father, how can you get aroused by him? This is disgusting.

[osmanthus]

I never did. I think, if I had a functional father, my life would have been better on a lot of fronts. He would have likely instilled in me a more structured approach to my life and helped me understand males better. A father could have helped me have a more realistic outlook on my femininity as it relates to men and could have been a protector and a provider. It has affected me, greatly; not having a very present father in my life meant that I had to go about work life and my relationships with men without input or guidance whilst also having an absent father didn't much encourage me to go after a career or focus much on money-sense in a practical manner. Violence inside a home or even crimes could be mitigated by the presence of a father.

[osmanthus]

Instilling discipline would have likely been somewhat easier with a functioning father. The concept of having fun at home with a father in a less complicated manner. All such things, as well as a functioning mother, are critical to childhood development.

[osmanthus]

However, nowadays, there are many broken homes usually an absent father or father figure. Many men thus grow up without a workable model to emulate and many women also do not have much idea of men if they lose their father early in their lives for whatever reason.

[osmanthus]

One can think and generally assume that whilst the mother is primarily responsible in conventional marriages to help a child with the emotional development of their lives, husbands are usually tasked with developing the mental capacity of the child (how to think, act, etc.).

[osmanthus]

Many a times men and women without fathers might become lost teenagers, that is, out and about in society and behaving indecently, all because they did not have the exposure of discipline that generally a father or father figure provides in the child's development.

[osmanthus]

Most studies support the idea that in most cases of divorce or loss of spouse, a single father is generally able to raise a child to independence a lot more readily and effectively than a mother alone can. There are numerous reasons for this. Most stay-at-home mothers or wives generally are domesticated and thus do not go out and partake fully in work life nor have much life exposure in work to be capable of roughing out financial pitfalls. Men, on the other hand, have always focused on the workplace, worklife, and alliances to help them weather out life. With these skills, regardless of sex and gender of a developing child, the world of work and being able to make a living and generating income becomes less daunting. They have the tools they need to rely fully on themselves to at least provide a roof over their head and food on the table.

[osmanthus]

This isn't to say a working or professional mother cannot teach her child the skills necessary but that generally the presence of a man who has a strong foothold on the life of work is a more effective model for this in terms of helping a child understand the more harsher aspects of work life and what requires prioritizing, goal setting, task mastering, etc. And in most cases, if a child is disabled or different, the child is less likely to be bullied if a father is much present in his/her life.

[osmanthus]

A father is more poised to teach the child resilience, persistence, etc. Whereas a mother may have a harder time doing so when life doesn't go the child's way.

[osmanthus]

There have even been studies conducted that suggest that even the presence of a father in the home can prevent his daughter from becoming too sexually promiscuous too early in her life and to have a healthier view of men, in general. Without this, daughters most times start their sexual lives earlier and come upon many issues with men.

[osmanthus]

So, yes, the absence of a functional father affects the psychosocial development of both sons and daughters. How they behave whilst out in public, around others not of the family, etc. whether they get into criminality or not, etc.

[osmanthus]

As for myself, I was glad to have a father even when he was not functional. He was present and non-violent for most of it. And that alone could have contributed to my late blooming in sexual matters. I no doubt believe that if I had grown up without a father I probably would have been pregnant earlier and through multiple divorces..

[osmanthus]

To have a functioning mother helps the child form strong attachments easily and to be able to have quality relationships that are fulfilling from an emotional standpoint. Without this, it becomes a much colder world and the child may grow up unable to fully be present in their marriages, family, etc. it may also affect their close work relationships, their endeavors, how they manage their emotions, relate to others, etc.

[osmanthus]

In some respects, sometimes, the mother is usually the driver of whether the offspring is antisocial or not on a more lower tier sense. In that, whilst the child may not be a criminal, the child is able to grow into an adult that can express emotions effectively, accurately, and have a fulfilling social life.

[osmanthus]

So if a child loses his mother earlier in his/her life that can impact how they eventually show up in their marriages as well as how he/she can manage domestic and family affairs.

[osmanthus]

In the male case, a man who lost his mother early in his life might not be able to effectively partake in domestic life: marriage and children. It may be the case that the man might become too focused on work and neglect his family or else it becomes much a case that he resents his children or other case.

[osmanthus]

A female who loses her mother early in her life might become much too cold-hearted towards other people, thus, being unable to fully reap the benefits of emotional fulfillment. Unable to identify and handle very hard emotions nor much feel the positive ones. She might experience problems with other women in her life, regularly.

[osmanthus]

So, whatever the case, I usually advise that married couples stay together, if possible. And to have god parents or relatives to stand in for those roles.

[osmanthus]

An affected or warped mother can turn man into a social assassin, in that, every interaction he has with people eventually becomes less for social bonding and more so for exploitation. He has no fulfillment by feeling alone, so, therein, you get men who might tolerate women at best and eventually harm other women.

[osmanthus]

Same goes for females. Whilst it's not always guaranteed to be the case, most times the mother affects this area of life.

[coxoabean]

Wow! Thank you so much for your opinion! I think you answered my question very well, and I appreciate all the information. I agree with you on it, that yes not having a dad can greatly affect a daughter in so many ways, especially when it comes to her sexuality. That's something I have been noticing a lot. Then as for the mom, I believe it can affect a child as well. Thank you again

[SixFootSexy]

I have a good dad. He's got his own set of problems, but he's better than 99% of men I know. He's intelligent, cares way more about people than they deserve (drug addicts, idiots, etc.) and works really hard. He's stayed faithful in his marriage and puts his priorities in the right place and doesn't just chase money or pleasure.

My roommate had a terrible dad that claimed to be a good guy, (actually a pastor) but used to beat him as a child and as a result he lost 60% of his hearing in one ear. He has no desire to be a father because he believes his bloodline is very negative for the world. I do think fatherhood and genetics have a big impact in how we live our lives.

[coxoabean]

Oh my that's awful that your roommate lost 60% of his hearing from that! I agree, I think how our Father is, towards us and just having him in our life is very important and can impact us too.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I was never close to my dad, and it's effected me like I can't get close to males or even male friends and trust me I don't mean to be that way, I have a male therapist that runs a group I'm part of, and I see myself breaking away from going to this group therapy.

[coxoabean]

I'm really sorry about that 💔

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@coxoabean Thanks for your kindness

[coxoabean]

No problem!

[DrPepper12]

I can TOTALLY relate!! Glad you're taking control!

[midnightmoon05]

We probably all have a little daddy issue 😂

my dad for sure had a terrible childhood so he had lots of anger issues… I used to didn’t like being around him so I go off on my own and live a happy life in my little own world. So to speak… I just mostly avoided him when he got loud.
as I got older… I learned about his childhood issues… he actually love us kids so much and so proud of us 4 kids… all 4 of us did not take on any of his issues/anger… we all grew up to be very calm and successful… he was very proud when he passed away 2 years ago. Because we gave him 8 grand kids.
he was a very hard working man, a provider and a good hearted man. Just a terrible childhood that made him who he was… other than that… he really was just a man trying hard to be decent. And he was.

[Ladsin2]

My relationship with my dad is fine. Just can't trust him for anything and can't rely on him for anything. He left my mom when I was 3 to be with his secretary and her kids. Then I grew up seeing him a few times a year. When I got older he and my mom became a bit closer we would spend holidays together etc. Now my mom is really upset because he got a new girl and isn't coming to holiday gatherings. Plus he's giving all of his money to his new woman and wasting any inheritance I could have. This upsets my mom. I tell her if you have no expectations of him you can't be disappointed, only pleasantly surprised. He called me today and told me he bought a house for his current girlfriends daughter that got flooded and he wants me to come fix it. Then he explained that he couldn't make it to Thanksgiving because he had to be with his girlfriend. Lol you got me on a good day XD

[BarryLiverstone]

My dad is a good guy. Sure he’s human and has made mistakes. Used to smoke weed and he’s borderline alcoholic. But he’s also loyal, a hard worker, smart, a leader, faithful and has rizz. He’s loving of his grandkids and friends with me and my bro. I don’t see him as an issue at all.


Does this answer your question?

[coxoabean]

Sort of answers it yes:)
Your a good guy, so I can see that you having your dad may have helped in that maybe:)

[BarryLiverstone]

Sadly I’m not always a good guy. But yes my dad and grandpa were great role models. Just sometimes I don’t make the best decisions

[BarryLiverstone]

But thank you for saying I’m a good guy.

[Zack-Bann]

I would say I don’t have as many daddy issues as my dad has with his dad (and mom)


He’s a troubled man with a lot of flaws.


Im only glad I got to move out at 22 and rediscover the world with my own eyes forming my own opinions and altering my personality.


I love him now more than I did as a teen and if I stayed close to him I know I would have resented him. My brother does (and yes he stayed)

[red-lipstick-girl]

My father threw away my makeup for no reason 2 days ago, I found out later, I decided not to talk to my father, I hate him now

[MasterKS]

@red-lipstick-girl weird daddy!

[coxoabean]

I'm sorry, but maybe he thinks your beautiful without!

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@coxoabean whatever he thinks is besides the point lol, girl is 20yo

[coxoabean]

@Maybe_Maybe_not I get that I was just trying to say his perspective, and be positive. I get that though, I will be 20 soon and my parents don't let me do anything they don't like, so I get it. I was just trying to be positive

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

It's okay, it's just that positive can be misplaced sometimes lol

[red-lipstick-girl]

@Maybe_Maybe_not I am so upset with my father, I ordered new ones now, I am worried that he will throw away my makeup items again.

[DrPepper12]

Did he say WHY he violated your life in this way?

[red-lipstick-girl]

@DrPepper12 evet bunlarin günah olduğunu ve erkeklerin dikkatini çektiğini söyledi

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Yep, @DrPepper12 I guess you could predict that answer, when parents deal with make up in such edgy ways, then it's obviously imposed by traditional belief. The usual package of rigid morality blablabla woman blabla modesty blablabla sin blablabla

[DrPepper12]

True. I don't get it. I've always tried to guide, not command, my kids. My minor child is already telling us about all the tattoos she's gonna get at 18. I just shrug and say what I always do when I think my kids are sketchy "Make good decisions". What more can a parent do? Their kids, not slaves.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@DrPepper12 Sadly, we have thousands years of traditions teaching to command instead of guide, there is even a famous old book explaining why total submission is a good thing. It looks like this explanation in particular still receives a lot of attention throughout the planet, oh well... I'm still not an atheist, but some days it feels like it😆

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

@red-lipstick-girl I suppose you will have to endure this type of conservative father until you can fly away, and I think flying away will feel very good when it'll happen :)

[Anonymous]

he was a very book-smart guy. escaped from a dictatorship after the family inheritance was robbed by the government

taught me mostly how to be book-smart though it wasn't my natural strong suit. I was more naturally street-smart but after his passing I've since then become almost as book-smart as he was

never really understood his mindset, beliefs and politics when I was younger but now I fully understand his POV and might be regarded as more "extreme" as I can explain his POV much better than he can

[MicahRaine]

How many of you guys and girls don't have a great relationship with your dad?

A lot of us.

How do you think having a good dad in your life could have helped you do better?

Well for starters he wouldn't have deliberately tried to make me fail and then bragged about it later when I grew up.

Do you think it has affected you at all?

Yeah 100%.

[LiamJHayden]

How many of you guys and girls don't have a great relationship with your dad?
I had the best

How do you think having a good dad in your life could have helped you do better?
I did have a great one.

Do you think it has affected you at all?
The effect is that I expect too much of myself, because my dad was the best man I ever knew.

[sage2021]

I am a "Fatherless Daughter". I only saw my father a handful of times in my life and that was enough for me! The bastard never paid his child support so I had to start working when I was 16 and still in high school.
But to be honest I never believe that I had "Daddy Issues" - I do believe that my father had "Daughter Issues"!!!

[Wise4myage]

My father died when I was just 6, so I can relate.

[coxoabean]

I understand, did growing up without him affect you? If you don't want to answer I completely understand, I ask for a study I am working on

[Wise4myage]

It leaves an empty feeling in our hearts.

[DrPepper12]

Me
Great question.
Yes.

I'm actually relieved he's dead.

[coxoabean]

Oh I'm sorry

[DrPepper12]

Don't be! He was a child molester and I think death was too kind a fate for people like him!

[Anonymous]

Based on the posts from women on this site it appears the vast majority of them.

[Dongie]

Oh, yeah. But it's not daddy issues it's hell during learning to walk and talk then everything that follows that.

[Jennz6]

I haven’t seen my dad for a long time

[coxoabean]

Has it affected you in any way? I am doing a study, that's why I asked this question

[Jennz6]

@coxoabean I’m probably not the good girl that I might have been if my parents had a chance to raise me properly

[coxoabean]

Ok, and I'm sorry that you haven't seen him. You are a sweet person:)

[Jennz6]

@coxoabean thank you

[NathanDavis]

I don't have daddy issues