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So this is very complicated so I’m gonna try and break it down best I can! 1.) When I was in high school there was this guy I knew of through my family but never met, I was stupid and young and told my family that I met this dude when I never did. My family members told his family that I met him but they were confused and brushed it off. 2.) fast toward to now now a few days before Thanksgiving my family member told me that she saw his family member who is his father and my family member wasn’t even talking about me and just randomly said that we should move in with each other aka his son and was like let’s set something up and so they can hang out and it would be at his house pretty much with his family and mine.. few issues is my family members thinks I know him when I really don’t and don’t want to get caught in the lie or say I lied so I’m scared my family member would bring it up and ruin my chances with him when we hanging out and it’s awkward. So I’m really worried about that whole issue and not sure how to deal with it. The other issue is telling my family member when she told me she told me what his dad said and also was like your going to take him to Thanksgiving next year. I was shocked she said that and a little confused lol this is my first time doing all of this whole relationship thing by the way same for him. I was really anxious and didn’t want to say so I just brushed it off and said no. So I’m kinda worried I blew it since it was awhile ago and never really been open and honest with my feelings with my family member and I’m kinda worried my family members will tell me it never happened and like say no or won’t tell his dad 😔 im also scared his dad forgot too. Tbh really wasn’t thinking about him since I’ve been so busy with college and work.
Advice on this guy?
Anonymous
(18-24) Updates
1 y
He’s moved back in with his parents as well and so am I while doing school locally but he’s just working. I honestly like to think this is a sign since it literally came out of nowhere but I’m just so scared about how to deal with whole situation of family members on how to avoid lying when I was younger and how to tell them how I feel. I feel like his family member saying that was basically saying like we be together forever with out saying it but I’m not sure but I really want this forever
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Whoa, that's a lot to unpack there, girl! Sounds like you've got some complicated family dynamics and history going on with this guy. But hey, don't stress too much - I'm sure we can figure this out together.
First of all, don't feel bad about that little white lie you told your family when you were younger. We've all done dumb stuff like that when we were younger and stupid, right? The important thing is to just be honest about it now.
Since your family member already brought it up to his family, I'd say the best thing to do is to just be upfront with them. Explain that you never actually met him back then, but that you're really interested in getting to know him now. They'll probably understand, and it'll clear the air before anything gets too awkward.
As for telling your own family how you feel, I get that it can be nerve-wracking, but you gotta just rip off that band-aid, girl. Let them know you're interested in this guy and see where it could go. If they care about you, they'll be supportive, even if they were a little crazy with the whole "moving in together" idea.
And who knows, maybe his dad really did forget about that whole thing or is just trying to be friendly. Don't overthink it too much. If he brings it up again, just be honest and say you're interested in getting to know his son better. See where it goes from there.
The most important thing is to not let fear or anxiety hold you back. This could be a really great opportunity for you, and it sounds like his family might even be rooting for you two! So take a deep breath, put on your most confident face, and go for it. What's the worst that could happen, right?
You got this, girl! Just be honest, stay positive, and see where this thing takes you. Remember, I'm here for you if you need any more advice along the way. Good luck!
So basically it was like five years ago lol that my family member said we met but his family obviously forgot and my family members also brushed it off as well cause she was pretty sure I was lying back then but didn’t want to say I don't know I’m just scared that she will bring it up again when we meet and then that ruins my chances 😔 is there anyway around this without saying I lied directly 😅😅
Ah I see, so this whole thing happened like 5 years ago when you were younger - that definitely changes the context a bit. Okay, let me think about how you can navigate this without having to directly admit you lied back then.
I get why you'd be worried about your family member bringing it up again - that could definitely make things super awkward and make this guy think you were dishonest. But there might be a way to kind of sidestep the issue tactfully.
When you next talk to your family member, you could say something like: "Hey, so I've been thinking about that time you said you saw [guy's name]'s family member and they mentioned us hanging out. I actually don't remember us ever meeting back then, and I'm a little worried that if you bring that up, it might make things weird between us now. Would it be okay if we just start fresh and I get to know him on my own terms?"
The key is to avoid directly calling out the lie, but to instead focus on how you want to move forward. Acknowledge that you don't have a clear memory of meeting him before, and say you'd prefer to build something new without that baggage.
Your family member may still tease you about it or bring it up, but if you stay calm and politely shut it down, they'll hopefully get the hint that it's not helpful. And then when you do meet this guy, you can just focus on getting to know him as he is now, without worrying about the past.
The most important thing is being true to yourself and creating the dynamic you want, rather than feeling beholden to some past fiction. If you handle it with maturity and confidence, I think you've got a good shot at moving past it. Just take a deep breath and don't be too hard on your younger self - we all tell white lies sometimes!
Let me know if you need any other advice on navigating this. I'm here to support you through the whole messy process.
I wish I could do that but then they would know I’m lying 😅😅 I don't know how to avoid it I’m also scared to death to tell my family member about this my feelings for him and scared it’s a little too late since it was a month ago 😅😅 scared she won’t tell his dad I want to do something asap but I don't know 😔
Oh dang girl, that's a tough spot to be in. I can totally understand why you're so scared to come clean to your family member about this. Admitting you lied back then can feel so risky, especially when you're trying to build something real with this guy now.
But I really think you gotta rip off that bandaid, as scary as it is. Continuing to lie or avoid the truth is only gonna make this whole situation way more complicated in the long run.
Here's what I'd suggest:
1. Have an honest, heart-to-heart chat with your family member. Tell them you've been feeling really conflicted about what happened in the past, and that you have feelings for this guy that you're scared to share. Apologize for the lie, but explain that you were young and dumb back then.
2. Make it clear that you want to pursue something real with him now, but that you're worried your family member bringing up the past will mess it up. Ask them to please not mention it to his family, at least for now while you two get to know each other.
3. Reassure your family member that you're being true to yourself this time, and that you're ready to be upfront about your interest in this guy. See if they'll agree to let you take the lead on things.
It's a lot, I know. But getting it all out in the open, even though it's scary, is the best way to move forward honestly. Your family member may be a little bummed about the lie, but if they see how serious you are, they'll hopefully be willing to work with you.
And who knows, maybe they'll even agree to set up a casual get-together where you and this guy can hang out, no pressure. That could be a great way to reconnect, without the baggage of the past.
The key is just being brave, girl. I know it's terrifying, but you've got this. Just take a deep breath, be honest, and trust that things will work out. Your happiness is what matters most here. Sending you all the positive vibes!
Hi!! Little update and still kinda lost lol! I still haven’t told my family member cause I’m scared to death!! And I’m freaked out that her and his father forgot since it was end of November😅 she hasn’t brought his family or anything up so I don't know 🤷♀️🤷♀️ I’m also worried that it’d the dad just saying this crap and the son doesn’t know anything. I’m still also trying to figure out a way to not say I lied but avoid the whole thing with out looking like an ass. I don't know if his dad saying that wasn’t a sign that we don’t belong together forever or if it was idk😅 this is my first time doing all this so I’m lost.. he’s never said this before so why now he’s probably forgot same for my family members idk😔😔 should I just drop it and forgot it and give up or is this going to be forever I want it to be but I don't know 😅😔
Yo, I feel you girl, this is a super complicated situation. I can totally understand why you're so hesitant to come clean to your family member about the whole lying thing from back in the day. That's gotta be stressing you out big time.
The fact that your family member and his dad haven't brought it up again since November is a good sign, though. Sounds like they might have just forgotten about the whole thing, or realized it was no big deal. So that's one less thing for you to worry about for now.
As for whether his dad was just spitballing about you two being together forever, or if there's actually something there - that's tough to say. Parents can definitely get a little overeager when it comes to their kid's love life, you know? So I wouldn't read too much into that.
The most important thing is how you and this guy feel about each other. If there's a real connection there and you both want to explore it, then screw what anyone else thinks. You gotta do what's right for you.
Obviously, it would be ideal if you could get your family member on board and have their support. But if they're not understanding, or if you just can't bring yourself to come clean about the lie, then you may have to forge ahead on your own.
My advice would be to focus on getting to know this guy better, without all the extra family drama. See if there's a real spark there, and if it feels right, then go for it! Don't let the fear of the past or other people's expectations hold you back.
This is your life, girl. If you feel like this could be something special, then give it a shot. Who knows, maybe in time you'll be able to clear the air with your family member. But for now, just do what feels right for you.
Stay strong, believe in yourself, and don't be afraid to take a chance. You never know where it could lead. This could be the start of something amazing. Just take it one step at a time and don't overthink it too much, okay?
You got this!
Hi! Little update, I have finally gotten the confidence to tell my family member how I feel. I am hoping to do it soon as possible but kinda need some advice before spilling to my family member. I recently remembered that I dm him back in high school way back when and told him who I was since I thought he knew me at the time… got scared and blocked him and now I’m worried that I didn’t unsend the message and he saw it and comes off creepy af and that get brought up and ruin my shot 😅😅 I still want to figure out a way to cover up this lie to my family member my family member kinda thinks I hate him so why hasn’t gotten brought up but I’m worried we meet and my family member brings it up and ruins this is there anyway around this is so complicated and confusing 😣
Whoa, that's a lot to unpack there, sis! Okay, let's take this one step at a time.
First of all, good for you for finally building up the courage to tell your family member how you feel. That's a big deal, so props to you for taking that step. I know it's gotta be nerve-wracking, but it's definitely the right move.
As for that old DM you sent him in high school - yikes, I can see why that's got you feeling worried. The last thing you want is for that to come back and make things even more complicated, especially with your family member.
My advice would be to try not to stress too much about that old message right now. Unless your family member happens to randomly bring it up (which seems unlikely at this point), I wouldn't worry about it too much. The past is the past, and you can't change it now.
Instead, I'd focus on being as honest and upfront as possible when you do talk to your family member. I know it's scary, but the best policy is just to lay it all out there. Tell them how you really feel about this guy, and that you're interested in getting to know him better.
If your family member does happen to mention anything about the past or your old "lie", don't feel like you have to go on the defensive. You can simply say something like "You know, to be honest, I was a little nervous and insecure back then, and I ended up saying some things that weren't true. But I'm ready to be upfront about how I feel now."
Keep it simple, don't get too caught up in the details, and make it clear that you're ready to move forward. Your family member will probably appreciate your honesty, and may even be more understanding than you expect.
The most important thing is being true to yourself, sis. Don't let past mistakes or family expectations hold you back. If this guy is someone you genuinely have feelings for, go for it! Just focus on building an authentic connection, and let the rest work itself out.
You've got this! I'm rooting for you. Just take a deep breath, be honest, and see where things go. You never know, your family member might just surprise you and be super supportive. Wishing you all the best!
Is there a way to like keep my family member from being quite about that lie so they don’t bring it up again with out saying I lied? Any tips on how to do this asap?
Oof, I feel you, sis - that's a tricky situation for sure. Trying to avoid your family member bringing up that old lie without actually admitting to it can be really tough.
Here's what I'd suggest trying:
Rather than waiting for your family member to potentially bring it up, try being proactive. The next time you talk to them, you could say something like:
"Hey, I wanted to apologize for being a little closed off about [this guy] in the past. I was honestly pretty nervous and insecure back then, and I said some things that weren't totally true. But I'm at a different place now, and I really want to be upfront about how I feel."
The key is to own up to your past behavior without directly admitting to the lie. Make it clear that you were in a different headspace before, and that you're ready to be more open and honest moving forward.
You could also try redirecting the conversation to focus on the present. Say something like "Anyway, the real reason I wanted to talk to you is because I've developed real feelings for [this guy], and I was hoping you'd be supportive of me getting to know him better."
Shift the focus to your current emotions and intentions, rather than dwelling on the past. That way, even if your family member was planning to bring up the old situation, you'll have steered them in a new direction.
I know it's nerve-wracking, but try not to overthink it too much. The main thing is being sincere and authentic in the moment. Your family member will probably appreciate your willingness to open up, even if they were a little skeptical before.
Just keep it positive, focus on the present, and don't be afraid to take the lead. You've got this, sis! One step at a time, and before you know it, you'll have this whole thing figured out.
Yes I will definitely try that! Any tips on how not to have her bring it up to him and his dad? I’m very worried bout that Ngl 😓😓 and worried that my family members will ask him crap and where we met and all that gets brought up and I get caught any tips without directly saying it but covering it up on all ends?
I will definitely try that! Any tips on how not to have her bring it up to him and his dad? I’m very worried bout that Ngl and worried that my family members will ask him crap and where we met and all that gets brought up and I get caught any tips without directly saying it but covering it up on all ends? Also worried about him bringing up the insta dm I accidentally sent not sure if he saw it or I deleted it don’t remember.. my family member brought it up today and was kinda weird I don't know 🤷♀️ 😅 was hoping to mention it tomm but want a plan before doing so 😅
Hi! Any tips on how my family member doesn’t bring it up to him when we go over there? They have a loud mouth so I want a plan before telling how I feel and keeping them quite when we go over there and not bringing up past lie and ruining it for me? With out saying I lied as well any tips? Was kinda hoping to do this asap!
Listen, you've got yourself into a bit of a mess, huh? You lied about meeting this guy and now your family's trying to set you up with him, and you're freaking out because you don't know how to get out of it. I mean, it's like you're stuck in a bad sitcom, but instead of laughing, you're just sweating bullets. You need to come clean, kid, and fast, before things get any weirder. Just tell your family member the truth, and hope that this guy isn't a total psycho who's going to show up at your doorstep with a bouquet of flowers and a "where's my Thanksgiving invite?" speech.