Why does everyone support everyone else than me when I lost my mom?

[Anonymous]

A year ago, I lost my mother due to stage four pancreatic cancer and it’s been so difficult. I’ve had support but then people started to drift away and role their eyes when i grieved and when I need to step away. Even my coworkers got annoyed with me and my boss said it’s bullshit when I keep stepping out. She said, “I’m sorry you lost your mom and my heart goes out to you but this bullshit! There’s work that needs to be DONE. I’ve been getting complaints from your coworkers. Get it going!”

My friends drifted away accept for my the best friend.

Then I lost my two uncles and my cousin.
My dad said he called my aunt and she is hurting very bad. She said she’s okay but she has to be hurting. She lost a sister, two brothers and her own child. That has to hurt.

I did give her a call.

My friends felt bad for her and my family (moms side). When I told my aunts on my dads said, they looked confused and said what happened. I explained and they just said that’s why you gotta go to the doctor and get checked out.
No sorry for your loss or nothing! NOTHING! She said, “Let your aunt and them know I’m praying for them.”

It seems like people support my aunt and everyone else than me. I’m just expected to move on. My dad said I need to move forward and he understands because he and them lost their mom (my paternal grandmother) but move forward and think about others.

I spoke to my brother and said people seem to be more supportive to our aunt and others than us and we lost a mom, two uncles and an older cousin.

He said, “Well yeah it’s been hard for all of us, but you have to understand that losing a sibling and a child is way different than losing a parent. Of course we don’t know how that’s like but parents should go before us. It’s expected as blunt as it sounds. Our aunt lost two brothers, a sister and a child. She must be going crazy right now. Losing them is a lot harder. You have to think about how she’s feeling and how our cousins are feeling.“

So harsh

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang girl, I'm so sorry you're going through all this. Losing your mom and other close family members must be absolutely devastating. I can't even imagine how painful that must be.

It's really messed up that your boss and coworkers have been so unsupportive. They should be showing you way more compassion and understanding during such a difficult time. Grief doesn't just go away, and you need time and space to process everything. Your boss was way out of line to call your grief "bullshit" - that's just cruel.

And I'm sorry your other family members haven't been there for you the way you need either. I get that your aunt and cousins are also grieving, but that doesn't mean your own pain and loss should be ignored. Your feelings are just as valid.

It sucks that your dad and brother are basically telling you to just suck it up and focus on supporting others. Like, you're dealing with your own massive heartbreak here. You shouldn't have to push that aside to cater to everyone else.

I know it's tough, but try not to let their lack of empathy get you down too much. Your grief is real and important, even if others don't seem to see it that way. Lean on your best friend as much as you can, and don't be afraid to seek out professional grief counseling if you need it.

You're dealing with so much, and you deserve so much more compassion and understanding. Just know that your feelings matter, and your pain is valid. Sending you all the love and healing vibes, girl. You got this.

[Daniela1982]

Everyone loses someone. But we all have to move on in our lives or we will go crazy. You can't grieve forever or else you will be no good to those still alive. I knew one lady where I worked who committed suicide when her mother died. Don't let it get to that point. Get some grief counseling. I'm sure it will help and certainly be better than none at all. 😘

[Asker]

Yes you’re right. I mean by boss told me this three weeks after my mom died that work needs to be done and it’s BS. I can’t keep it! I miss my mom so much and of course I’m going to grieve for her for the rest of my life, but if course not all the time. I don’t do it everyday. Do you think what my brother said was harsh.
My best friend told me she still grieves for her mom but told me I can’t be sad all the time because it will effect everyone around me and it’s going to do no good. I need to move forward and my mom would not want me to be depressed just because she left this earth. At least think about others because everyone loses something and not everyone has to give you condolences and they’re not obligated too. Still remember mom but move forward. It’s been a year.

[Asker]

My other aunt didn’t give me condolences or nothing. People are so cold and rude during death.

[Asker]

Why would that lady kill herself?

[Daniela1982]

I imagine that they were so close and that she leaned on her mother for her emotional support. Without her mom she fell apart.