How to overcome my sisters taunts over my baby rejecting me?

[Anonymous]

I had a lot of trauma built inside me prior dating a narcissist and after we broke up- it shattered me. He hurt me soo much and destroyed my will power for life and everything I had inside of me. So fast forward I got married to someone else ( rebound) had a baby with him, but I started lacking empathy for this world. Later my husband didn't show me affection or love but I gave birth to my child via c section. Anyway after my operation i couldn't walk or move for 2months, and my mum was helping with baby as I was staying at mines instead of my baby dad. So my son became attached to my mother ( his grandma), however as a mum now myself I gave my son time during my degree/operation, but then later for a month had no time to give him as I had deadlines so everytime I'd be around him I got abit distracted but had to complete my final year and did. The issue is he likes my mum over me and wants her more than me and cries for her sometimes but my older ĺsister always makes comments by laughing at how my son rejects me. We both planned to do a joint birthday party with both our kids but she goes she wanted to chuck "a who will the baby go to competition" and then she recorded my son going to a cousin of mines today rejecting me when we held our hands out on to who he will come too, and making comments how her child goes to her and mines doesn't. I felt soo rejected and embaressed that I felt like I wanted to kill myself over the fact I birthed my child and the rejection hurt so bad as I got rejected everywhere growing up, and for my sister it was a laugh, but I locked myself up today in the room in agony of the hurtful comments my sister keeps making over my child. After i got my degree i give him time, even look after him and look out for him and made sacarficies to priorities him but I felt crushed today at the fact my cousin wanted that video but I didn't want my sister to send it to her. Then my sister said if I deleted that video on her phone that means am insecure.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

I can see how you ended up dating a narcissist...

Your sister is being a jerk. I mean, you can tell her "Please stop commenting on this. It's hurtful to me." It's not insecure to tell someone they are out of line. Don't follow her rabbit trail of "I was joking", "You're so sensitive", blah blah blah. Since when was being sensitive to hurtful comments a character flaw?

But she probably won't listen, because hurting you makes her feel in control and she has to be in control. I'd cut ties completely, and I'd say "it's me, not you". There will be nothing she can do about it. :) Estrangement doesn't have to be permanent, but I can pretty much guarantee your life will be better without her in it. You can also inform your mother that you will change the subject if she even mentions your sister or attempts to reconcile you two. There's a term for that and it's called triangulation. Don't allow it. You decide when you are ready and have strong enough skills to set boundaries.

Do you have custody? I assume you do. If that's the case, I assume the only reason your son is with your mom is because you are working. Eventually, your son will be in school and you can limit the time spent with Grandma. You decide how this goes, OK? You aren't a victim and this doesn't need to end horribly. You just have extremely unhealthy relationship habits and all you need to do is realize you have the power to change. You just need some good supports to help you do that.

I've said it on here before and I'm saying it again... You really should get therapy. You've had nothing but trauma going on in your life over the past who knows how long, and you can't process this without help. You may need to try a few therapists to get the right fit.

Full disclosure: The point of therapy is to challenge patterns of thinking. This could be uncomfortable at times, but it's worth it to break those patterns and realize that your thinking habits can change.

Finally, the whole "mother bonding" thing is temporary to ensure that the mother doesn't abandon the child, not the other way around. There are plenty of parents who had a lovely bonding period with their children and then the kids completely write their parents off when they become adults. Infant-mother bonding has nothing to do with the long-term health of the relationship, it's just a chemical reaction to ensure the child's protection by an adult.

This is your child. You fight for them. You do what it takes to stay connected. They can love you and Grandma both tremendously, there's room for plenty of people in a person's heart. But it begins with your mental health and learning some new skills and habits.

Hang in there; kids are easy to connect with and it only takes a little bit of planning and effort to win them over. Before you know it, he'll come running. :D

[Sssssshhhhh123]

Have you told your family 100% how it makes you feel? If they are not willing to be more caring towards the way you feel due to the circumstances of what you have been through. Then it being hard you should distance yourself. Family or not you deserve the best! Give it time and space. Being a parent can be hard sometimes but rejection is hard for everyone. Some people are just better at hiding it. No one knows what we have truly been through but our selves! Good job for doing what you could to line yourself up for success. I had been in an abusive narcissistic relationship for 8 years and still reviving from the damage that had been done. It’s been two years it eventually starts getting better but you have to learn how to create boundaries and do the work to heal yourself! No one else can do the healing work but you! You got this don’t give up and keep trying!!


As for your sister if she can’t respect your boundaries then you sound give yourself space from her!

[Anonymous]

Stop talking to her.