Is it true that a woman will view you as a child or a burden if you let her cook for you, do laundry, etc?

Question

Even if you aren't being a freeloader or ungrateful. It just seems like doing that stuff for a grown adult at all will lead to resentment

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

I'd look at it this way: If you LET her do those things for you (because, for whatever reasons, she legitimately or practically wants to), then you're fine, and the relationship will be fine. If you EXPECT her to, because she's a female, then you're going to have one resentful woman on your hands. Today's modern women expect equality in terms of chores, typically, though there are exceptions.

Women who want a traditional family domestic life are feeling some bashfulness, and even shame, because there is a societal shift in women (but not so much men) away from this model. They're out-educating men now, and for the foreseeable future, which is inverting the typical dynamic. If the woman has not just more career potential but actually does get hired and achieves the higher salary, then it no longer makes financial sense for her, or a couple, for her to raise kids and/or do the lion's share of household work. This type of woman is going to resent you for expecting her to 'do it all'.

But if you earn more than her, and you both decide you want children, it's going to depend on whether she has to bring in income as well, or whether her only responsibilities are in the home.

If you're looking for a girlfriend to take care of you, while you both work, you might be looking for a unicorn nowadays.

You can mitigate the latter by taking all of the other responsibilities, such as repairs, strength-necessary maintenance of the things you both own, car repair managements, yada yada. Think about what you're both contributing. Is she cleaning up after you, and you're choosing not to? Then, yes, the m;majority of young females are going to feel like you're either a child or an irresponsible adult in her life. A burden.

And one other element I'll add to this - women are generally much more tidy and care about their home than men do. This invariably creates a situation where her 'standards' and 'expectations' are higher. Then men feel put upon, harassed, nagged, because he's just living his life as he always has, and it's not good enough for her. This is tricky. The solutions are:

She loosens her grip on how she thinks her home should be. Having a partner in life means making constant, and I mean constant, compromises. That's the cost of a partnership.
She does a bit more, because she's doing it for her happiness, not his. He works to a reasonable amount, and she picks up the differential between their standards.
He rises to her standards. This makes her happier, and saves the relationship.

If none of these happen, it won't last. Coupled with other issues, which will undoubtedly crop up, the couple will see it as inflexibility on the other's part. But it's really a mutual digging in of one's heels, a mutual inflexibility.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

The resentment has less to do with the chores themselves and more to do with the default unloading of labor by putting her “in charge” of the household chores such as laundry and cooking. Yes, you’ll do it if she asks but the issue is SHE has to plan everything, she has to tell you even though you are a grown adult and can see the same things she does and why she might not be happy with the state of hygiene. That unfair burden of leadership she assumed would be shared is what builds resentment.

ManOnFire · Accepted Answer

It is only true if the guy is terribly lazy and never does his share of any cooking, chores, etc. and treats his wife like a servant.

Women who do these duties for their man don't mind it as long as he's showing appreciation and putting in some effort from time to time. A man just going to work and paying for the household is not always enough, he still has to share in her burdens too.

Blunky · Accepted Answer

My question is, why aren't you doing it yourself? I personally don't want others doing my own chores. It makes me feel like less of an adult. If she is offering to do it herself then that's a different story. I'll do some of her chores as a token of appreciation.

Ez-Bri-Z_v2 · Answer

I mean, what are you contributing in return? Are you helping with chores? Do you at least know how to cook and do laundry or are you solely relying in her to do even the most basic adulting functions?

If you aren't contributing and equal amount then yeah I'd say you are acting like a child who relies on mommy to do everything for you

IslaTheWitch · Answer

if you can do it by yourself, then do it, don't wait for others to do it for you :D

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Cooking probably not but if she has to wash your clothes and pick up after you then she sees you as a child or will begin to see you as a child and lose respect for you as a man.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Let or make her. Context is everything here.

Ariesman81 · Answer

Only the ones who don't understand their responsibility. You'll be good as long as you're holding up your end and hit it right.

worldscolide · Answer

Dude if you lack basic life skills, you are indeed a child.

Anonymous · Answer

It depends on if you both do some or she does it all and certain cultures have different views

EmmaMary · Answer

Once a Parasite always a Parasite.

Is it true that a woman will view you as a child or a burden if you let her cook for you, do laundry, etc?

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Is it sexist to want a woman to cook, clean and raise your kids?

Is it true that a woman will view you as a child or a burden if you let her cook for you, do laundry, etc?

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Is it sexist to want a woman to cook, clean and raise your kids?

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