Is it necessary to tell our children about our difficult childhood experiences, or is it enough to simply express our love for them?

[Oliverlogan263]

Is it necessary for parents to share their difficult childhood experiences with their kids, or is it enough to just express unconditional love and support?

I know there are different schools of thought on this—some people believe being open about the challenges you faced growing up can help your kids feel more understood and validated. But others worry that constantly dwelling on the negatives from your past could end up weighing your kids down emotionally.

So what do you all think? Where do you fall on this debate? Is it crucial for parents to share those personal stories and struggles with their children, or is simply showering them with love, care, and a sense of security the most important thing?

I can definitely see valid arguments on both sides, and I'm really curious to get a range of perspectives from you guys. Do you think there's a right way to strike a balance, or is it just a personal preference for each family?

Let me know what you think! I'm sure there are some insightful takes here that could help guide parents in making that decision. Appreciate you sharing your thoughts!

[Blunky]

I don't think it's necessary to go into detail about it. I wouldn't wish what I went through with my "family" on my worst enemy. However, I wouldn't lie to my kids about why they don't have grandparents on my side of the family. They could be dead for all I know or care about. But once they've grown older and are on their own, if they want to have a sit down chat about it as adults, then I'd oblige.

Being open about it is not something I would do to my kids. They aren't my therapists and I don't believe I should be seeking validation from them, I should be the one giving it to them because that is what I craved most growing up even from my garbage parents. They should be receiving the love and mentorship I wished I had while growing up as well. They don't need to go through life knowing how horribly abusive parents can be towards their children, both physically and mentally.

Someone needs to break the cycle of generational traumas. Domestic violence tends to run in the family and I'll be damned if I create such an environment for my own family. Sure it's made me fiercely independent and rather intolerant of bullshit. Reading people and recognizing patterns are my specialty because they were necessary for my survival. But I don't believe being violent and abusive towards kids is the best way to go about it.

You would think that that's a rather obvious statement. It is to people who simply believe words instead of looking at others actions (a major issue I see with the label filled world today). My relatives really didn't care what was going on and didn't want to get involved. They were the very definition of inaction. My grandmother was the only one who cared and would regulate on my parents all the time, which gave them pause for a short while. Perks of being the first born of her youngest child I suppose. That taught me to take action as much as possible because actions speak louder than words. That is a concept I will absolutely reinforce with my own family.

There really isn't a way to get away from it for me. It's a part of my life I can't ever change or feel better about, since it's the only childhood I've ever had. And quite frankly, people who don't understand what that's like simply don't care. That doesn't mean I should let what happened to me define me or how I treat others. It took a lot of personal development after escaping from it to figure out who I even am. I may have made it worse on myself by going into the healthcare field, but I thoroughly enjoy patient care comforting and giving people hope on their worst days. It's what I would've wanted growing up.

[Joshydavid25]

I think telling your kids, your life experiences for lessons or just to bond with them is just fine.. Of course there has to be til a certain point, and not just the parent trying to throw in their face how hard they had it in comparison to their kids.. I love my mother but she is definitely guilty of that..

[MemeSupreme]

when necessary to give like perspective you can give some breadcrumbs, but im not gonna trauma dump my future kids lol

[Lilly1979]

Age appropriate stuff especially what we go through.

[Anonymous]

I know most of my parents childhood stories and they lived poor hard lives, I enjoyed every story and still don’t this day. I sometimes ask them to tell them to me again.

i like to imagine everything and as i imagine it all, I realize how lucky I am.

[Jamie05rhs]

One of the reasons I want to marry a virgin is so she can look our daughter in the eye and truthfully tell her that she did the right thing and therefore she is expecting her to do the right thing as well.

There will be no embarrassing stories to hide, because none such stories ever happened.

[grega239]

Depends. My dad told me some stories but not much.

He grew up in a small village back when yugoslavia was still a thing. I learned about his most things during the speech at his mother funeral.

Safe to say it wasn't an easy childhood

[grega239]

Forgot to answer the question.

If the child is experiencing something that the parent also did, why not. It could help.

Otherwise no. The parent should carry their trauma and not unload it onto their child

[lightbulb27]

Yes i modt appreicsted when elders shared those stories. Uncle experience in vietnam and fathers various sufferings helped me have more feeling towards them. Etc

[exitseven]

It is not necessary/I never talked about any of the real bad stuff with either my kids or my wife.

[bddddd]

You sound like you are great parents. I wouldn't suggest putting your childhood trauma stories early in their lives. That feels like a conversation best had in their 30s etc

[Manuelwe]

Only if they are making the same mistakes

[Anonymous]

Both is good for them.