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I’ve had my guy best friend friend, Trevor, for about three years. We shared deep conversations and personal struggles. Since I didn’t have a phone and couldn’t go out much because of my overprotective mom, our friendship was mostly at school. He once called me one of his best friends.
In April, things shifted. Trevor had been dating Karen. At first, I was happy for him, though a little jealous. But Karen seemed to cut into our friendship, even showing up at our lunch period to watch us. I tried to be friendly, but she stayed suspicious of me. They eventually broke up, and I felt relieved for him. People began hinting that Trevor and I should date, and I was torn — scared of losing our friendship but wondering if there could be more.
The day before graduation, I gave him a letter saying I valued our friendship and mentioned how might grown apart I said I was okay with that and ended the letter wishing him the best of luck. I thought I’d be okay with that — turns out I’m not. I cried at graduation thinking he hated me, but a week later I called and he reassured me he didn’t.
After graduation, I got a phone, but we’ve barely talked. He went from replying once or twice a day to every few days, then once a week. It feels like I’m the only one putting in effort. I miss our friendship more than I realized. I’ve been crying on and off and don’t want this to be one of those friendships where we only reconnect at reunions or through a random save-the-date.
This guy really meant a lot to me — more than I realized after graduation. I try not to think about it for a week and then randomly break down in tears. I miss talking to him freely, and I don’t want this to be one of those friendships where you don’t see each other again until the next reunion or one of you randomly sends the other a save-the date.
Now I’m wondering — should I call him and talk about our friendship before he leaves for college in two weeks, or should I accept the distance and move on?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
It sounds to me that you are already somehow in love with the dude.
The question is: what prevents you from asking him to get together, and spend some time?
In person is always better than through the phone, or by texting. Those are for cases where there is no other option, or just to facilitate getting together.
Frequently you can't take the signs of interest of disinterest from another person seriously. They usually are scared to show their true cards. So it's better to lead the interaction somehow yourself.
Also the distance may not be as problematic as it initially looks like. I had two friends who had to separate into two different countries, and eventually they got together, married, had a child, and are extremely happy.
Finally: sometimes the outcome isn't as important as knowing you are making the best decision you can. The one that increases your odds.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/jwG_qR6XmDQthank you for your reponse, I don't have romantic feelings for him. There was a time when people thought we should be a couple, and I did come close to kissing him once, but I know long-term we wouldn't work. I think the awkwardness and distance might be due to a letter, where I said "friends" maybe he took it as a come one or maybe he didt i dont know i so confused and lost.
I haven't responded to him in a while because the last time he texted, he took 3-4 days to reply, and his messages were short and disinterested. We were talking about his college orientation, and I took that as a sign he didn’t want to talk anymore, so I didn’t respond. That was a month ago, and since then, I've been struggling with our friendship. I miss how things used to be, and it’s crazy how quickly we went from being close to not talking at all.
He leaves for college soon, so if I want to call him, I need to do it soon (though I could wait until Thanksgiving or winter break, I feel like too much time would have passed by then). I just need advice on what to say. I’m afraid of looking stupid, but he meant a lot to me, and I’m only realizing this now. My main issue was that he took a long time to respond and never really asked about me, which made me feel like he didn’t care about the friendship.
Should I call him and mention how I've been feeling, or should I let it go?
and also if i do call him do i mention i been crying about it would that make me look clingy/stupid or show i care
Don't discard the possibility that he cares more than what he shows.
I’m sorry to hear that happened to you, the best decision is going to be accept it and move on if you’re not really hearing from him. It’s gonna take time to heal and when he comes back from college more then likely he’s gonna be a different person
After graduation, life shifts MAJORLY and is never the same as in high school. As least for some people, some try to always live in HS years even well into their 20s
The pain will get better i promise you that, and believe me I understand that’s easier said then done.
It’s your 1st real heartbreak and those will always hurt the most
Thanks for your response. I understand that things change after high school and we make new friends, but I still wanted to stay in touch with him. I haven't responded in a while because the last time he texted, he took 3-4 days to reply, and his messages were short and disinterested. We were talking about his college orientation, and I took that as a sign he didn’t want to talk anymore, so I didn’t respond. That was a month ago, and since then, I've been struggling with our friendship. I miss how things used to be, and it’s crazy how quickly we went from being close to not talking at all.
He leaves for college soon, so if I want to call him, I need to do it soon (though I could wait until Thanksgiving or winter break, I feel like too much time would have passed by then). I just need advice on what to say. I’m afraid of looking stupid, but he meant a lot to me, and I’m only realizing this now. My main issue was that he took a long time to respond and never really asked about me, which made me feel like he didn’t care about the friendship.
Should I call him and mention how I've been feeling, or should I let it go?
Quick disclaimer: I don't have romantic feelings for him. There was a time when people thought we should be a couple, and I did come close to kissing him once, but I know long-term we wouldn't work. I think the awkwardness and distance might be due to a letter, where I said "friends" maybe he took it as a come one or maybe he didt i dont know i so confused and lost.
and also if i do call him do i mention i been crying about it would that make me look clingy/stupid or show i care
If you do choose to call him, it’s OK to let him know miss him and just talk to him as the friend that you know him as
so i just got of the phone with him he and i think it went well I did get alittle tounge tieded and left some points i was going to make out but herdid say he still considers me a friend but he sometimes gets busy and that he closer to other people (i mention that i wanted to work on that) . I guess the call went well and it gave me closure. i wished him good luck with college and to let me know when he back in town. Were are both going to different colleges and but I still wanted to stay in touch thank you for your advice.