When a family member is pushy about religion, is there a point to just be straightforward?

[Vesuvius87]

Not so long ago, my maternal grandmother was being very pushy about my child (a 3 month-old baby) needing to be baptized. She mentioned this to my mother and others. My mother knows my husband and I have zero interest in religion so she tried to change the topic, hoping she would get the hint.

When she then mentioned this to me, I decided to be straightforward. She's been behind this for too long and she would've been capable of even contracting church services if I didn't speak up. I just told her that while I respect her beliefs and views, I don't share them, never did. Her next reply was an ''but you were baptized (as Catholic), don't forget that''. Does it really count if I was just a 1 year-old baby? Babies can't talk. I was never given a choice of whether I even wanted a religion or not. I would've never wanted to be baptized. Even with the explanation given, she still couldn't fully understand why I wasn't interest in baptizing my baby because she still considers me Catholic due to the baptism... even though I was a baby at the time.

Updates

10 mo

I made it clear that we're not interested in rasing our son with religion.

[Gwendoline]

Its part of her faith. She cares about your child. Catholics believe that being baptised brings your child into the Christian church with the grace & protections of God. Thats why she's pushing for it because it really matters. I would indulge her especially if she was good to you and your mother growing up and still is.

But like the other sacraments Christianing, Act of confession , communion and confirmation as the parent its up to you and when your child grow up she/he can receive these sacraments as an adult.

Personally I know a lot of lapsed catholics and atheists who do gdt their children baptised because its a major family tradition and celebration. And of course how cute do kids look on their little outfits. For little girls its almost like they are little brides in their white communion and confirmation dresses, all my friends were there. I remember my communion and confirmation, I was so proud and all the family were there and of course it was a big red letter day when my own child got baptised. Im not American so after confirmation the biggest day in a girl's or boy's life is a wedding, I know Americans have sweet 16s and Hispanics have a quincenera.

[Gwendoline]

Also you my father invested the money i was given from my christening, first communion and confirmation. It wasn't much but it really helped.

[Vesuvius87]

As much as it's part of her faith, she needs to respect our views too. I actually don't like following family traditions that don't allign with my own goals, personality and values. Instead of copying the same thing just to please me, I like being my own self and thus create a new script in my life. I pretty much like being an independent individual. Just because most people in my family does something, doesn't mean I'll do it just to please them. Should my son ever acquire a religious belief when he gets older, that's a big diffence than choosing it for him when he can't talk. I wouldn't mind if he ever
switches to a religion years from now but that would be from his own decision.

[slatyb]

Maybe it matters to her, but it's not her decision. She needs to respect the parent's views and accept it.

[Gwendoline]

Well family is a two way street. If you feel you are independent of your family there's a good chance they will treat you as independent.

[slatyb]

A two way street? That doesn't mean one person gets to control another.

[Gwendoline]

@slatyb it means compromise. When you turn your back on family they turn their back on you.

[slatyb]

This is not a reasonable compromise. She's grossly overstepping, asking the parents to participate in a religion they don't believe, at an institution they don't support. If the grandmother is unhappy, too bad. What's she going to do? Refuse to see her great-grandchildren?

[slatyb]

And then what? Will she demand that the child receives catechism? Better not to start down that road.

[Gwendoline]

@slatyb I've seen this b4 people turning their back on family and then complain when family isn't there to support them.

[slatyb]

They aren't turning their back on family. They are setting appropriate boundaries. If the grandmother breaks contact, she's the one turning her back.

[Gwendoline]

@slatyb they've ignored something of vital importance to their family, its called turning their backs.

[slatyb]

The family is seeking to control them. They have no duty to acquiesce to anyone on decisions regarding their children.

[Gwendoline]

@slatyb you make your choices, they make theirs

[Nikki1989]

[Vesuvius87]

Well said. Precisely this. She already had her chance to raise her kids with religion and god. Now it's both my husband and my turn to raise our son without religion and fictitious beings.

[WindAtMyBack]

I don't tolerate people pushing religion on me. I don't care who they are. My mother was very religious, but she never pushed it. If she had been pushy, I might have completely quit talking to her. I do NOT tolerate pushy religious people no matter who they are.

[Vesuvius87]

This indeed. I don't really understand why it's mainly religious folks that push their views on us. We don't push our lack of belief in a god and zero interest in churches into them.

[WindAtMyBack]

Well in fairness, it's a minority of religious people who really push their religion on people. It's just that those types tend to be very loud about it. They think they are bringing people to their religion, when they are doing just the opposite and driving them away.

[Clear_Skies10]

She needs to listen to you and respect your boundaries. Some of these parents and grandparents see their kids as still children even when they're adults. They think they can still control your lives, and the lives of your children.

[Vesuvius87]

yes hopefully she doesn't continue insisting. If so I'll just keep telling her I'm not interested. She already raised her kids with her beliefs. Now it's my husband and my turn to raise our son without religion.

[elizamichale1]

I would simply tell them its none of their concern n they dont need to tell me what i need to do with mine or my child's life

[Vesuvius87]

I thought she would get the hints (of our lack of interest in religion) but since she didn't, I had to be straightforward.

[elizamichale1]

Well its gud that u did honey... she didn't leave u with any other choice

[slatyb]

You didn't choose to be baptized, and it's immaterial. Just tell her that your child will not be baptized and will not receive religious education.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah a baby baptism doesn't count at all since I never chose it myself and never would've.

[roy_ricky09]

You are doing the same thing. What's the difference?
Your child is 3 months, can't decide if it wants a religion or not. You are forcing your beliefs on your child too. Isn't it?

[Vesuvius87]

There is actually a difference. A baby isn't born with a religion and doesn't even know the word god. A baby is born without a religious belief, without believing in a god. It's really the adults that indoctrinated them with that information.
I don't mind if years from now, our son were to be interested in a religion. If she chooses to add religion in his life, that would be under his own choice.

[roy_ricky09]

That's absolutely not true. But again, you won't understand it now, maybe later. Keep in mind, you will become adult one day. Rest is your choice.

[slatyb]

Your beliefs are not universal, and there is absolutely zero evidence that they are true. Why should the parents participate in a charade in an institution they do not and will not support?

[Anonymous]

if you're not interested in raising your son with religion, what are you gonna raise him with? his own personal preferences or your personal preferences you decide for him?

[bowenw]

Honestly is always best. How you handled it was perfect.

[Vesuvius87]

Thank you. Very true indeed.

[Ariesman81]

The Bible actually says that baptism is meant for believers. Baptizing an infant who does not know God does not save them from Hell.

[Vesuvius87]

The person should be older and actually choose it themselves. I never would've chosen Catholism nor any religion. I'm not even interested in churches.

[jahaims]

Why wouldn't you be straight forward

[Vesuvius87]

yeah when dropping hints about my obvious lack of interest in religion didn't work, I took the straight forward approach.

[Jennz6]

Why not?

[Vesuvius87]

True. If she couldn't get the hint in a subtle manner, then it's the straightforward approach.