Why do some abused kids repeat the cycle and others end it?

[Anonymous]

There are two different reactions towards child abuse; either repeating the cycle or ending it. I was reading stories about one who repeat it and one who broke the cycle.

Let's name the characters Fred and Mary. Fred was abused by his mother. She would use a type of strap (worse than a belt) and at times use it to wake him up to help Jesus Christ suffer. She forced him to go to church as a kid. He hated church. He used to get whacked hard in the palms with a ruler at school.

Many years later, Fred grows up and has his own child. Even though Fred doesn't force too much religion on Mary and doesn't use a ruler, he still uses a belt. Mary hated getting hit with a belt and has triggers. Fred excuses that a belt is nothing in comparing to what he got growing up.

Many years later (Fred's mother is long dead and he's now in his 70's), Mary gets married and she's now a mother. She vows to never ever hit her child. Her husband is equally traumatized like her too. She has a deep hatred towards physical punishment.

What happened there? Both got raised with abuse. Why did one repeat the same thing and the other ended the cycle? Why the difference in reaction?

[aaron13547]

I think it has to do with self awareness. Both situations Fred and Mary where aware of all the negative feelings that came with those emotions. I'd think the more any idea is part of someone's life the more they identify with it because it's all they allow themselves to know. Being aware the stove is hot doesn't stop it from burning you. Being aware to keep your hand away from it keeps you from getting burnt. The more you identify with anything the harder it is to escape it. Your minds always one step ahead. Awareness breaks cycles the "worse" the cycle, the more awareness required to break it and keep it from coming back

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Hurt people hurt people, if abuse is all they know then they never break the cycle because we never completely leave behind what’s familiar to us. The cycle breakers make an active effort to put distance and control between their past and current selves, and it’s an unbelievably difficult and painful process to heal from it.

[MemeSupreme]

well fred grew up in the 50s lol it makes sense he thinks belts are fine

in general tho, everyone reacts to trauma differently and just have had different lives period. there's just a lot of factors in just a regular childhood that impact people

[Asker]

So can it be the year Fred and Mary were both that makes a difference too? Fred was likely born in the early 50's and in that site it has Mary as a mother for the first time at age 38.
So her father born in the early 50's and his daughter born in 87 makes a different?

[Asker]

Mary was born when psychology was probably growing more.

[Cutegirl06]

I think it comes down to self awareness. One person asks why they abuse vs the other just caught up in emotions never really giving it much thought as to why they behave that way.

[jahaims]

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