Why my friends are so ignorant?

[Alxve]

Hello, so I love to play games and I make couple of friends over the time. But the issue is that, after some days they start treating me poorly like ignoring me or ghosting me. Although, I dont understand how can someone ignore a nice person who just wants to be friends with them?
Like I usually care about my friends and everyone. But seems like now thats something that people will start to ignore?
I dont get it whats this new psychology?

[sage2021]

Ahh... a nice person. I am struggling with this exact same problem as you are.
I've been watching a lot of videos about nice people and why people aren't nice back to us, and there's a couple reasons why.

1. When you are nice, people view you as a weak person and take advantage of you.

2. You are like a mirror to them. It makes them feel bad about themselves because they aren't nice and wish they could be like you are. But they've been mistreated as children by their caregivers - family. People weren't nice to them so they aren't nice people.

You might want to watch some YouTube videos about why nice people are mistreated and diss people who are nice.
I know this seems crazy, and it's just these new generations and people nowadays who are like that
I'm older and people weren't like that before.

[Alxve]

Its really sad for me.
I want to keep friends but I see that you can't really make everyone happy. Some people will be there who are fake.

[sage2021]

@Alxve

I had a lady who worked for me as my helper for many years.
I was always very nice to her. Then one day she said to me that I am just nice to her because I wanted something from her.
See how she was interpreting my being a nice person into what her mindset was? I couldn't believe she said that.

I know that you want to keep your friends, but from what I saw on the videos, it's okay to be nice to people, but you have to set some boundaries as well. Don't always say yes to them, don't let them walk all over you either. Like don't let them take advantage of your niceness.

It's hard to know who is going to stay and who is going to leave. Only time will tell.

If you have even one good friend that will stick by you, then that's really all you need.

[Alxve]

Yes your right, but sometimes people wear fake masks so well that it becomes hard to understand what their true intentions are.

[sage2021]

@Alxve

You're exactly 💯% correct. Sounds like you've been watching the videos about this. Yes, some people do wear a mask and then one day their mask slips off and then you find out the truth about them.
I'm sorry 😔 that you are experiencing this. I mean, all you are asking for is friends.

[sage2021]

Thank you for the MHO 🙂

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

When you said “ignorant” I thought you meant the subtle way to call someone racist/homophobic/sexist. I imagine if your friends are your age or thereabouts that means their most impressionable years were during the covid shutdowns so their social skills are likely to be stunted without effort. You’re going to have to make up for their slack by initiating conversations in their place

[Alxve]

Ignorant i meant was like lack of efforts for a conversation yk.
Well, I dont know is this a issue for me being too nice? Or why am I letting others use me?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Why don’t you just confront your friends and tell them you feel like they’re purposely isolating you?

[Alxve]

I did but it seems like I am always the issue. When I can't find out what I did wrong, like I keep reading our chats to find what fault I had. I never offend my friends, I have a very friendly and welcome vibe. I blame myself sometimes thinking i might have some kind of a issue.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You probably do have an issue, sounds like social anxiety and rejection dysphoria

[Alxve]

Oh, like I want someone to confront me with my issues so that I can improve. But people rather are ignorant?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

This isn’t ignorance, this is just indifference

[Alxve]

Yes, but hey since u diagonised me and confronted me how can I fix this issue? Any tips please?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I can’t make you figure yourself out anymore than you can do the same for me. You’re taking personal offense to something that isn’t related to you at all. I can’t give you a solution because I know nothing about you and I also don’t want to because I’m not a therapist

[Alxve]

Ohh is it not related to me? And I am being too sensetive to a small issue?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

This is all online interactions. Most people don’t spend the entire day online

[Alxve]

Mhm, but my issue was when do spend the time with me, they are not like giving their vibe yk.
Like it feels like I am dragging the whole convo. Its super one sided.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

And when you tell them that, what do they say?

[Alxve]

They say like they are sorry but repeats the same pattern.
Sometimes I fear telling them so that they dont feel pressured and then block or unfriend me.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You can’t make them change, you know that, right?

[Alxve]

Yep I know... its sad.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

That means if you want change YOU have to make the changes

[Alxve]

Yepp, soo like change the person?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Or change your environment by getting different friends that make the effort you’re so desperate for

[Alxve]

I am not desperate, I just looking for geniune friends who will be there.

[Spencer10]

A better question for you to ask perhaps is why did I choose these friends?

[Alxve]

Ah, being a nice person it takes a while for me to know if they are a great people or not.

[Spencer10]

You know thats a fair answer I think. It does take time for a person to reveal their true self sometimes.

[Alxve]

Yes, but should I care about these friends? Or is there an fault in my personality I got to fix?

[NathanDavis]

those are not friends... they're acquaintances

[slatyb]

People you are meeting online? Your expectations are unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they have grown up and you are still playing catch-up.

[Alxve]

Any advice to do something?