Am I wrong for cutting off relatives who ignored me in my worst years?

Question

During the four years I spent moneyless, they never called or showed any interest in me. It was so difficult.. depression, poverty overcame it all alone. None of them called to ask how I was. Now I have a good income and they want to talk to me but I absolutely don't want to. I don't think I'm exaggerating

Maybe_Maybe_not · Accepted Answer

When you say relatives, you mean... Parents, your parents?

TonyMetal___86 · Accepted Answer

You're completely right 👍🏻

bobalife · Answer

It isn’t wrong, it is your choice and what you feel comfortable / best in your circumstance. Personally, if it was me, I would be open to hear what they want to talk about. It honestly can be anything. Although it is unfortunate they were not present, check in, nor supportive during your rough period.. but I’m just someone where I don’t expect the same treatment from others other than the common courtesy of respect.. and I am humble, caring, and giving as a person because that’s just naturally how I am even if the other person in my life isn’t doing the same in return and family wasn’t always there like the way I wanted or needed. I think it’s just unconditional love when it comes to family, but I also am here to hear people out typically. This is where I think my kindness sounds like it might be weakness to others, but I see it more as a strength to be open minded, forgiving, and noble. Of course we all have our limits aka boundaries. So, if this is yours, there is no wrong to it as well. You can be proud, strong, and trust your decisionmakings.

ohsheeT · Answer

Sometimes life is just a crazy thing

But after we go through the things that we go through in the tough times we can't blame anybody except for ourselves and to be honest with you somewhere down the road you kind of snap out of it and you think to yourself if I would not have gone through this bad time I would not be where I'm at today

When bad things happen to us Sometimes we point to fingers sometimes we judge But we have to understand everything happens for a reason And it changed this to become better and stronger You were truly meant to be the person that you are at this moment That's why you're here at this moment That's why you feel the way that you feel at this moment

There's always going to be something in life that you feel hold you back that is bad but somewhere down the road when you become a wiser person you realize if you would not have gone through this you would not be who you are today

Your past determines on the path you're going to take in life your future determines on what you learned from your past

Purpleronnie · Answer

Well no your not necessarily wrong for doing that sounds like your doing it as a form of self protection

What is important to understand from my perspective ia why they ignored you? Was it malicious? Or was it more they are really bad at giving / offering support or just didn’t know how to help you , one is a conscious decision.

Another important questions are , do you feel angry at them? Or just more at peace without them? Did you clearly communicate how their actions or lack of hurt you?

I feel it’s important for you to communicate your hurt otherwise you risk holding on to it and it negatively impacting other areas of your life , and that would be a crime when you weren’t at fault.

My advice is judge them as you would yourself , if their crimes are so great that you no longer want them in your life , communicate that to them , set a boundary about how you should be treated and move on without ‘unfinished’ hurt

You owe that to yourself !!

LatinaXv7 · Answer

This is really based on your own personal experience. I would suggest that if this is based on resentment don’t let it live rent free in your head just for your own benefit.

However, choosing yourself is definitely not an exaggeration! If you feel you are better off without them due to broken trust, betrayal trauma, and lack of support especially in a very difficult time, you are only protecting yourself and preventing others from essentially hurting you again.

I chose to bury my mother in El Salvador, instead of showing up as a witness to lie and save my own cousin. My aunt was upset I didn’t have his back and instead of being understanding of my pain, she kicked me out of the house. I had to travel to the next morning after picking up all my belongings. So of course, when I came back I had no home and my things were split between my car and my step dad’s apt. So I can really get how you felt, after realizing you were hoping for some type of support system that didn’t exist.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

For me family is everything and even tho I understand your frustration when it comes how you were treated I think you should express your character on how you treat people not let how they treat you rub onto you as well, the cold and dark way I like to make decisions is, if these people were to suddenly die or pass on for whatever reason, is this decision something you'd regret. Other things to consider is were they aware of your mental health when they ignored you, if they did consider the health of your soul and try to forgive, if they didn't then even less of a reason to retaliate, as for money, you can speak to people and not have to give them a dime, whatever decisions you make with money is a separate thing, you can forgive and have people in your life and not give them money.

Lliam · Answer

No, you're not wrong. If they never even stayed in touch, there is no reason for you to contact them. They didn't check on you, let alone ask if there was anything they do to help.

Just because they are relatives doesn't make them friends.

My wife said, follow your heart; your intuition.

My aunts and uncles are no longer with us. I liked them. But I don't have anything in common with my cousins or their families. It's not that I dislike them, but they never went out of their way for me, even when it came to staying in contact. So I don't even think about them anymore.

My wife has a bunch of relatives. She is really close to some of them but has no contact with others.

So you really have no obligation to people just because you are related.

Lesbologist · Answer

Sounds like you came up, which I can relate to. You've seen them ignore you, and then have sudden interest in "being a part of your life" almost as if it was scripted... right?

I'm going to tell you what I have done to get rid of them. Hide it. Pretend you're poor as fuck. They disappear just like they were when you really were poor. I usually give this advice to guys that keep ending up with gold diggers. On facebook/insta or whatever... just pretend you're poor af... visible. They'll go back to ignoring you pretty damn fast. Trust me, I've been through that struggle. They don't give a shit, especially when they don't know you have anything going on. That's just how some people are... keeping them around just puts you through the struggle of telling them "no" when they start looking for a handout.

Nikki1989 · Answer

When you were at your lowest—battling poverty and depression alone—they showed you where you stood in their lives. They chose absence when it was difficult, and now they are choosing presence because it is convenient or beneficial. Time to let them go.

HawkPerception · Answer

You're not necessarily wrong. But there are always 2 sides to a story. It takes 2 to tango. You could have also put some effort into reaching out to them. They might have also wanted to give you space or felt it was awkward to communicate. Never just assume. Confront them about it and see what they were really thinking during those times. I've said it so much on GaG, I'm sounding like a broken recorder, but communication is key.

QuineJessica · Answer

Absolutely right. Sometimes random people on the street have more empathy and desire to help than such relatives

Taurus_Woman · Answer

if relatives consistently ignored you during your worst years, it’s understandable that you would distance yourself. You’re allowed to protect your wellbeing and choose not to stay close to people who didn’t show up for you. You’re not wrong for protecting yourself.

Clyde_123 · Answer

You are not wrong because I would do the same. If someone treated me like nothing when I hit rock bottom I would do the same to them when I am successful, it hurts but at least you know people who truly cares about you. Its blessing to see peoples true colors when you are nothing.

NathanDavis · Answer

I would still respond... and would not make it about money, but that's just me... if you don't feel like it, then you don't have to do it

LiamS95 · Answer

You don't have to want to talk to relatives that ignored you in your time of need. Just remember it's always good to treat persons as you would want them to treat you or you're really no better then them.

KostasKouvalis · Answer

Not at all. Sounds reasonable. I have relatives like that too. Fuck em

Staximus · Answer

Do what you feel is best. You don’t need any “fair weather friends” or relatives in your life. Just remember that reaching out is a two way street. You could always act civil but don’t give them a red cent.

genericname85 · Answer

since you're asking that, you probably are. cause if you were 100% certain they deserve it and shouldn't be a part of your life anymore, you wouldn't ask.

Agape93 · Answer

Nope. I cut mine out partly because of similar issues

Likes2drive · Answer

Probably not since they were not there for you but maybe they did that so you could fix yourself on your own, maybe they just want to know how you’re doing

AgentG111 · Answer

Nope, it's your life if they are any concern to you nor helped or reached out. Forget and move on. Life's short live it up!

strateguy632 · Answer

that is wrong. people deserve a chance. especially family for that. hurtful words are different but for silent should rejoin.

Glitcherydoo · Answer

If people suck the life out of you then you are under no obligation to continue to feed their parasitic behavior

Retief · Answer

Not wrong but everyone has their own stuff to deal with in life. So maybe dont think everyone owes you something

msc545 · Answer

There is no reason for you to speak to them or continue to try to maintain a relationship with them if you don't want to.

Darcey · Answer

I agree with you. You don't owe them anything. They could've helped you but now they see you're doing well, thats when they call. They can get stuffed

Abbycado · Answer

If they are trying to mooch, then no.

Manuelwe · Answer

Dam right you are. This craze has been gping on for ages. And usually your right and they are wrong

exitseven · Answer

I have relatives I no longer have anything to do with. Find your own family.

brandon90 · Answer

It’s ride or die just falls down to who cares and who doesn’t cut it off

Jen_oic · Answer

No, you’re not wrong

ashish804 · Answer

U r absolutely right for ignoring them

FunkyMonkee · Answer

No, I've done the same.

Anonymous · Answer

Not wrong at all.

AngryCarl3 · Answer

No, fuck those guys.

Am I wrong for cutting off relatives who ignored me in my worst years?

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Feeling guilty for cutting family out but I can’t accept how they treat me, is it wrong to cut them off?

Am I wrong for cutting off relatives who ignored me in my worst years?

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Feeling guilty for cutting family out but I can’t accept how they treat me, is it wrong to cut them off?

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