I was kicked out two years ago by my dad and stepmom because I had a hoarding issue, and they got mad because I reconnected with my birthmom after 30 years. They do not like my birthmom because she gave me up to my grandparents after birth, plus there were substances in my system that she partook of during pregnancy. I forgave her because she was young then and starting talking to her again. My family didn't like that so they kicked me out. I tried to add my sister on Facebook and Instagram but she blocked me. What do I have to do to get back into their life and try to coexist with both sides?
Most Helpful Opinions
Making amends with family members can be a difficult and complex process, especially when there are underlying issues and conflicts that need to be addressed. It is important to approach the situation with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to listen and communicate openly.
Here are a few steps that you can take to try to make amends with your family:
1. Reach out and express your desire to rebuild the relationship: It may be helpful to reach out to your family members and express your desire to reconnect and rebuild the relationship. Let them know that you value their relationship and that you are willing to work together to move forward.
2. Acknowledge their perspective and feelings: It is important to acknowledge and validate your family members' feelings and perspectives, even if you do not agree with them. Try to listen actively and empathetically to their concerns and to express your own feelings and perspective in a respectful and constructive way.
3. Apologize if necessary: If you have done anything that may have hurt or upset your family members, it may be helpful to apologize and take responsibility for your actions. This can help to rebuild trust and show that you are committed to making things right.
4. Invite them to communicate openly: Encourage your family members to communicate openly and honestly with you about any concerns or issues that may arise. This can help to prevent misunderstandings and conflicts from escalating and can promote mutual understanding and respect.
Remember, making amends with family members can take time and effort, and it may not always be possible to repair relationships that have been damaged. However, by approaching the situation with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to listen and communicate openly, you can take steps towards rebuilding trust and improving the relationship with your family members.0
Life is like traveling on the road. Some people are only in your life for a certain amount of time to get you to where you need to be. Hold on to those who hold on to you. And never let a great friend go. Forgive. The kicked you out and rejected you, that’s okay maybe this was a chance meant for your Mom to be a Mom0
There likely isn't a way, I have not directly been in this situation. If someone won't talk to you, there is nothing you can do to get them to.
They've made their choice to block you or have nothing to do with you.
I simply can't imagine that with my family but I do know a guy who when his son turned 18 he simply ghosted/blocked him without even saying why. It sounds like you at least have an idea of why they don't want anything to do with you. Where in this other guys case, he still has no idea why his son did that.
I feel for you, but all you can do is be there for them, if/when they are ready to have you be part of their life. If they have made the decision to not have anything to do with you ever, you will have to accept that unless you can try talking to them in person or on the phone or some other way. Even then I doubt that will go well but at least it could your mind at peace that you did your best and it is all on them.0
What Girls & Guys Said
If they're not even willing to sit down together and talk and find a solution together, I personally wouldn't do shit.
You can just try to get in contact one more time but if they're not willing to let you in, there is nothing you can do. So I would recommend to move on and keep going without them.10
Write a sincere letter to all of them implying that you simply want to make amends with them. Mail it via certified mail with a received confirmation card. Then, move on with your life. Don't hold your breath, hoping for a good outcome. At least, have yourself peace-of-mind that you expressed how you feel and that you want reconciliation with them. Again, don't hold your breath.10
You need to drill down on why their actions were so drastic. I have a feeling you have left a lot out of this story.
Get there objection to your egg donor in perspective. If they have good reasons, you probably need to recognize and acknowledge them. Explain to them how she is different now.. if she is.
Your hoarding probably has connections to her throwing you away like garbage. Get counseling to break that connection.2
Just let them go but forgive them in your heart and move on. Even without them in your life. If they maybe want to be in your life going forward, the ball is in their court. Don’t force it. You’ve done your part.0
If they’re not willing to sit with you and sort out issues, then it isn’t worth you wasting your energy.
Keep living your life is the ways that it makes you happy.0
you can't make everyone happy. and if they're acting that childish about it, then it's best they're not in your life. i'm assuming your birth mom has changed and cleaned up her act?0
Don't bother. It's their problem, not yours.
Consider yourself liberated from a dysfunctional family circus.0
If they don’t want you in their lives, and aren’t willing to talk, leave them alone. Don’t mess up their lives just for your own selfish interests.0
Sometimes, things just fall apart. Can't make people accept you. Write a letter if you're inclined to. Otherwise, there's not much you can do. Live your life the way you want to. Nothing lasts forever.0
Sadly, if they aren’t willing to talk, there isn’t a lot you can do. It will just cause you more pain every time you try.0
Wait- isn't your sister the one who got pregnant? And you were trying to nice to her and help her? That's a hell of a way to repay your kindness!2
Sorry but I think that you have to wait for them to be ready.0
Kicked out of the family or kicked out of your parents home?2
You don't, move forward, make something of yourself, when they contact you wanting back in, they you can ask them what changed.0
Fuck anyone who don't fuck with you, your a grown man if you wanna talk to your mom, you can talk to your mom10
Why bother? Families don’t have anything special over other people who give you strength. Just because they birthed you or related means shit,0
Will take both partys making some kind of effort.0
you don't you have to cut your losses and start over0
Stop trying - you will only get hurt. Sorry...😒😢0
I just wouldn't...0
If they don't accept your reconnection with your birth mother and you haven't resolved. your hoarding issue or are not working on it, there is nothing you can do.
I hope you are seeing a counselor regularly to get this mental illness under control. Hoarding is an illness and you need counseling and more than likely medication to resolve it. I am unsure of why you found your birth mother. It is fine to forgive her for being a drug abuser during her pregnancy with you. But that abuse might have helped cause some of the psychological issues you are struggling with today.
I suppose you are struggling to find. yourself, but it is too much of an upheaval for your step-mom and dad. I figure when you are more stable, you can attempt to contact them again. Too much has gone on recently for them to deal with. Maybe your dad and stepmom booted you out because you're 32 years old, on top of the other issues going on.
It feels like it's time for you to be on your own and to figure out your life and yourself.
Keep your distance for now. Work on yourself. Tackle this hoarding issue. If you want to have something to do with your mother, that is fine. But make sure it's a HEALTHY reationship. Sometimes people give up their children for valid reasons. Not just because they're young.
I have the feeling that your step mom and dad are HURT by this choice of yours. You might consider their feelings. Good luck.