New at work and coworkers ignore me for their friends—how do I fit in?

[Anonymous]

So I’m new at my workplace and Im quite friendly with some of the other new hires but I feel some of the others just give me blank stares and only give eye contact with their friends instead when they are talking.

[Anonymous]

Its common in high turnover jobs. Be friendly, do your job, do it well, and carry more than your share of the weight. Become proficient.

I say all of this because friends will happen when they happen. I am a table games dealer at a casino, when I had a meeting with the VP of HR for our parent company (sorting out a bigotry issue) i asked and he told me we have a 6 month life expectancy. I believe it, I've seen newbies not make it through theor first string of tables, I even had one our pencil sent me straight out from the in emergency fashion during the first table of the shift because a newbie literally cracked at the table and just walked away without telling anyone.

I say all of that to get to that we barely acknowledge new dealers, though some of us will "mom" some of them... for their first month (because their badges are different, theyre all just "baby dealer" and once they get their regular badge theyre still just "newbie" until we decide tgeyre sticking around long enough for us to emotionally invest in.

I know that sounds harsh, but the reality is simple, if we bothered getting to know everyone straight away, we would have a lot more heartbreak

[jennifer_bloom]

A much older women tried to aid me when I used to work as the new employee at my job, and she told me that because I was new and did not know how things worked, other employees would take advantage of me and try to make me look bad in front of others, and she said this always happens to new employees who first start working there.

One of the top selling and highest ranked employees there, was treated so poorly by other employees on their first day of work, they almost lost their job, because the previous employees tried to sabotage their career by refusing to train them adequately, with the hopes they would look incompetent and lose their job.

[EveryDayIsPretzelDay]

I don't think there's anything you need to do. It's just going to take a while for you to become part of your office environment.

Before you started working there, the office had a specific dynamic, and everyone there had a role in that environment. Jim and Dwight were the enemies who secretly like and respect each other, Michael Scott was the socially awkward boss with a heart of gold, Kevin was the stupid guy, Oscar was the voice of reason, Angela was the uptight b**ch, and Pam was the office mattress.

But now that you've started working there, you've disrupted the dynamic, and no one is quite sure what your role is. But eventually you'll develop a role of your own, and you'll fit in just as well as if you'd been there since Season 1, and the writers will give you lots of dialogue with other characters.

Be patient. It just takes time.

[Theunfadeable]

Sometimes you don't fit in. Put your best foot forward, be open to friendship and opportunities to get to know people. If you dont fit in with a certain set of people then be ok with not fitting in. Doing something to be cool and fit in is going to make you look weird and cringy and make them reject you even more.

[Cutegirl06]

Sounds like you are fitting in with the new hires anyway. The others might come around eventually, and if they don't their loss 💯 Right?

[leannegrayson]

Gosh, sometimes it just takes a little while for folks to warm up, especially when you're all super busy your vanity and people-pleasing! You're like totally idolizing earthly friendships and looking for their validation instead of seeking the approval of the Lord, you guys! Because you're so desperate to be part of the in-crowd, the Lord is totally gonna have you get invited to a mandatory after-hours team-building retreat at an abandoned, rotting logging camp deep in the woods. When you sit down in the pitch-black cabin to try "fit in", Satan himself is gonna grab a rusty, gas-powered nail gun and just start thunk-thunk-thunking four-inch industrial nails straight through your hands and into the wooden conference table so you can't leave the meeting, like for eternity! Geez, HR is going to have an absolute nightmare trying to clean that up! Maybe you'll think about fitting in with the Lord God Almighty after that!

[sage2021]

Just totally ignore them like they aren't even there!

Just mingle with the other new hires.

Some people are so cruel to people for no reason at all other than they were probably the bully at school and no one told them it's time to stop. They're just adult bullies now.

[yellowsombrero]

I'm sorry that you're experiencing this. I wouldn't try too hard to fit in. Just be yourself and do your work well.

If your co-workers can't be friendly enough to help you feel welcome, I don't think that's who you want to hang out with after work and will likely be people who cause drama.

[karley55]

The best thing you can do is smile, it sounds dumb but trust me, anytime you see them at the coffee station or the restroom, you can say hi or talk about how busy work was today or something random. If you are just quiet and in your own world, people are gonna be intimidated and won’t talk to you. You have to learn to be friendly and observant

[DonaldDarko]

I've never fit in. Gradually I realized that people like me aren't supposed to fit in. I think too much about things to ever fit in. It's better to concentrate on work. Go all out, work hard and learn all about your job. Don't pay any attention to those people. They've got blank stares on their faces for a reason.

[Darcey]

After being polite and friendly to people at a work place, it never got me anywhere. I was still ignored.

I don't care for workplace friends. I'll talk and be polite but at the end of the day, they don't really care about you.

It's just a job. I have important friends outside of work.

[humpbackjack]

Just don’t worry about that nonsense if you have something to say say it and just be yourself. It’s normal for people to take a little time to warm up to the new guy or gal. Before you know it you’ll be one of the gang

[Purpleronnie]

Unfortunately I believe this as natural. Most workplaces are just a collection of cliques , just think of high school but with less hormones involved ( generally ).


Takes time

[Anonymous]

I never forced conversations and don't go out of my way to talk to new hires (we aren't under any obligation to have side conversations with coworkers anyway) if we become work friends, it will happen naturally, if it doesn't, that's fine, too.

[jazzy34]

Unless they're bullying you and/or interfering with your job performance, go to work, do your job, and go home. Your job is not a social club.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Make an effort, talk to people, go to company events or whatever

[genericname85]

you don't have to fit in. it's work, not family and friends. but since you're still new, it probably just needs time.

[Anonymous]

Maybe hang out with the other new hires? I’m sure the other employees will talk to you more once you’ve been there longer.

[Iron_Man]

Give it time it will fix itself

[_Jenny_]

Same with my new work place

[oldman26]

Be patient

[In_Trance]

Give it some time