Why does he flirt with me but not accept my friend's request?

[Jessy12]

Hey guys, I'm really confused about this guy. We met when attending a workshop for a couple of days. First I thought we could just become friends, so we went for dinner the first evening. However the second evening, we ended up kissing for hours (no sex though). The third day we went out with others, and he behaved as if he was my boyfriend, holding my hand and kissing me in front of the others. So after the workshop, I added all of the people we went out with that night on Facebook, so it seemed just natural to send a friend's request to him as well. He didn't just ignore it, he declined it. While accepting friend's request from the others who were at the workshop with us... Girls he had spent less time with than with me... I thought OK, he doesn't seem to have any interest, so forget about it and move on. Two days after the workshop (and one day after declining my friend's request), he texted me, asking how I am doing and if I would like to go out with him. WTF? He kept texting me during the last days. I don't get it. Is he or is he not interested in me? If he is, why then wouldn't he accept my friend's request? To me it looks as if he has something to hide. His profile says he's single though... Any ideas? Any advice? Thanks a lot!

[Anonymous]

Aha, so some guys are just friendly/flirtatious by nature, but when it comes to actually allowing a person "in" it's sort of a challenge for them for any number of reasons.

The hand-holding is a residual effect of having made out with you. He feels physically close to you.

Guys friend who they want -- and some may friend you but block you from seeing anyone else they friend. It all just depends on the guy.

A word of advice: If you're into a guy, NOT friending him on FB (or keeping him on a very restricted list) is the best way to stay out of sticky arguments later. There are too many crazy FB-bf/gf/so stories out there as it is.

Also, harping about being on a guy's FB tends to make you less appealing to the guy and he is more prone to keeping you at a distance for fear that you're one of the clingy stalker types. I've seen guys get cornered into friending someone on the spot and they basically just block or restrict the person later, so what's the point?

[mariagk]

Ok the same thing happened to me... what did you do? He gave me his phone number, he seemed really really interested... but then wouldn't accept my friend request on FB which incredibly stupid.

It happened a week ago exactly, I can see that he is accepting a lot of the same person we've met at the same time, but we shared something way more special than the other girls... I will move on, trust me, but it doesn't feel good and I don't understand this type of behaviour. Just why? It's like a rejection. I haven't text him back. I don't know what to do.

What happened in your case?

[Darknut123]

6 months plus of pending and seeing her interact with other mutual friends and chatting otherwise like everything is cool sucks. Why can't a person be open? Makes me question myself, or what's wrong with me they won't accept.. in mean its not like I'm a complete stranger, we were once fb friends until she discovered I liked her.

[thegirl100]

ASK HIM. In this case I definitely think you need to reply to one of his texts and ask him if he received the 'friend request'... first get that going before we can reply to anything else!

[PhilaPenn]

Nothing wrong with that. As a rule, I never become Facebook friends with a girl I'm dating. If she becomes my actual girlfriend then we can be FB friends. But it's never a good idea to be FB friends with someone you are just dating. It encourages neurotic behaviors, paranoia, obsession. Let's be honest, why do you need to be FB friendswith a guy who you communicate with via phone and text. You just want to FB stalk him and drive yourself crazy about what he's doing when he's not with you lol. Look, you just met this guy. he likes you and you like him. You hooked up a few times...big deal. He's not your boyfriend or your husband. That takes time. Why would he change his status to anything but single after only having been out with you a few times. You are about to ruin a possibly good thing for yourself by being neurotic and paranoid. That's honest talk.

[Jessy12]

Wooooow boy, you must have dated some really paranoid and neurotic girls that you think we are all like that.. The only reason I added him was because I did NOT want to treat him any special, but just the same way like everybody else I met during that workshop. And you got me wrong, I mentioned that his profile says he's single to say that, if he's hiding something, it's not a girlfriend. Lol why should I expect him to change his status after only some days with me? We're not in a relationship!

[PhilaPenn]

Yeah, I'm not a boy at all...no matter how old you are. Frankly, you are trippin over him not adding you on FB. Even though he has shown he still has interest in you? That's pretty neurotic. Over thinking things a lot lol.

[Jessy12]

Sorry I'm not native English speaking, I didn't mean to affront you (man? guy? ;-) ) And I was "over thinking" his reaction because another guy I'm dating asked me to go exclusive, but I like this FB-guy better. Still, the other guy is also really nice and I didn't want to mess up with him because of someone who may just be playing with me. But I guess I should just be honest with the other guy, it wouldn't be fair to be with him while also thinking of someone else...

[Blamethegame]

I do the same thing with girls I am interested in, the reason I do it is because I don't ever want to be put in the dreaded friends zone. Not including it adds a bit of mystery about me, just how I roll is all.

Good luck!

[infinitebread]

How would accepting the request put you in the friend zone?

[Blamethegame]

Isn't Facebook for your personal friends and family? That question alone tells me she made my friends zone. How mysterious can you be if you are tagged everywhere you go, and everything you say to your friends the girl you are interested in sees it? How could you ever not just be friends with someone on face book? When did they make it a dating site?

[Jessy12]

Thank you Blamethegame! That is actually an interesting point, I've never seen it this way. However for me, Facebook is more like a digital address book because people change e-mail-addresses all the time but not Facebook names. And I guess he doesn't see it as for close friends only either because he has more than 1000 "friends"... Maybe it's the "mysterious" thing then or he is really trying to hide something idk.

[Blamethegame]

Don't get me wrong, once I am in a relationship I take invites. But, I have been stalked before on FB and my phone is a great address book=P

Hope that helps and good luck!

[AA700]

What? But don't you want to know more about her? Also, do you DECLINE or just ignore the request?
I don't know how it is with you guys but declining a fb request would definitely make a girl less interested.
And if you're actually serious about someone wouldn't you want to be accessible to them in everyway?

[AA700]

Exactly!

[AA700]

Jessy12 I am facing the exact samething as you are.. the guy has 1k friends and yet he declined my request when he clearly was so interested in me. Now I feel put off and paranoid. As a girl, I would think I am his sidechic and he doesn't want me to be too involved with his life.. :/ ALSO that he doesn't care if I get hurt that he declined the request straight away..
I mean we have so many mutual friends who he hasn't even talked to ever in years (because I talk to them all the time) yet he doesn't want me to be in his circle when he shows I am closer to him than anyone else.. :/

[Anonymous]

The same just happened with me and I am thinking what the hell just happened? I thought he would be just as interested in connecting with me as I am. We don't have each other's numbers yet. We are just beginning to show our feelings.

What bothers me most is if he really didn't want to add me he could have just ignored politely (irony intended) but he straight away declined it. Which is the fb equivalent of FU.

I am more and more wondering if he has something he is hiding and clearly thinks he will get whatever he wants without being completely honest with me.

[Daynada]

You don’t need it...

[Darknut123]

@Daynada I had a co-worker unblock me on fb she won't accept my friend request it's been like 6 months plus pending. Adding everyone else we both worked with, except for me. she's active in the site too. We chat by other means like Skype and everything is good and friendly. I don't get it. chatting for quite some time now sometimes through the day. Sometimes an hour sometimes we don't chat for months and pick up again. Its really healthy dialogue work, opinions thoughts feelings etc. I guess it doesn't help she knew I crushing on her though

[Opinion Owner]

Update:
I learned he was already in a 'serious' relationship and had been using me for extra attention and fun.

So girl, if a guy isn't interested in adding you to his social media beware! I learnt it the hard way. Hope you don't have to.

[Michaelmwm19]

ask him.. dang that's really fishy now its bugging me! lol! I need to know haha.

[Anonymous]

i would think he is hiding something. happened to me before.

[Darknut123]

What about?