I Don’t Want to Be Called Beautiful!

I prefer to not hear compliments about my looks from anyone, including my partner. I don’t speak for all girls. I’m just sharing my perspective and I hope it helps other girls.

I don’t find myself beautiful

When I look in the mirror, I don’t see a beautiful person. I’m very realistic about where I stand and I don’t exactly feel completely comfortable with it, but it’s just the way it is. No, I don’t lack confidence or self-esteem. I just don’t need to hear nice things I don’t agree with just to feel better about myself. I don’t want to hear nice lies just to cover the truth because it all doesn’t sound genuine to me.

Truth in a dictionary
Truth in a dictionary

I’m not conventionally pretty

It’s just that I don’t look like a model or one of the pretty popular girls. I know I would need to get tons of plastic surgery just to look like the idealistic woman. I’m average looking just like most people. That doesn’t mean I’ll be single forever because it’s very obvious that most average looking people do end up with someone. The only thing that’s important in a relationship is being sexually and romantically attracted to each other. I don’t get the obsession or the point of wanting your partner to think that you’re beautiful on an objective standard.

Bell Curve…
Bell Curve…

It’s a shallow compliment

The way I look shouldn’t be the most important thing about me. I barely have any control over my genes. I’d rather be complimented on things that are inside my control.


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What Guys Said 45

  • Some of these women are like apple phone, take away what we love in the first place. No headphones jack, no home button, future, taking away charging port. for wireless port.
    With them is can't show your emotions, can't take compliments, they want someone to get know them but judge others in 2 seconds. Uuuuugh! God why. Grateful and gratitude are traits that dying right now.

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  • Wait a minute, are you actually complaining about being complimented? That kind of makes you sound like an asshole. Like "Oh man, I hate that people are just so nice to me for no reason at all, the struggle is real."

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    • It’s not my fault I don’t like hearing lies. That does meant make me an asshole and I don’t consider this a “struggle”

    • How do you know it's a lie? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you've surely heard that before, well it's true. It means that you don't get to decide what other people's definitions of beauty are. And if you have a problem with people complimenting your appearance, then I'm sorry, but you also don't get to decide what other people like about you. Thinking you can just pick and choose other people's preferences and deeming their words lies if you don't agree with them, that's what would make you an asshole. Unless you're suggesting you can read people's minds and so you do in fact know what they truly think, in which case might I suggest Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters?

  • "The way I look shouldn’t be the most important thing about me."
    Someone complimenting you on your looks doesn't mean that they think that your looks are what matters the most. Should people only compliment you on what you think is the most important thing about you? Then you won't get many compliments...

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    • I don’t expect people to compliment me at all and if they compliment me it doesn’t have to be on what I think is most important. It’s not that hard to compliment someone on what they do.

  • I find this mildly insulting to those of us who consider it a matter of being polite and sincere to say that compliments are lies. Beauty is 100% subjective and I DO MEAN 100%... If someone calls you beautiful that is high praise. If they call you hot or sexy they're only referring to your body, but beauty is a whole other ballgame. Beauty refers to the way in which you carry yourself. It refers to your mannerisms, your personality, etc. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as the saying goes, and beauty is more than skin deep. Both of these sayings are true. Yes I would find compliments of "attractive," "sexy," and "hot," a bit insulting but beauty does not refer to how attractive you are. It refers to how beautiful you are. I know that might not make sense but there is a very distinct difference though it is a difficult one to describe.

    When it comes down to it I take issue fundementally with the notion that "beauty" or being called beautiful is limited to looks. Of course your appearance doesn't define you, but the thing about beauty is that it doesn't conform to convention and it is more than just your looks. At the very least, this is how I've always seen it. Beauty is independent of how attractive you are. Whether people see it or not it's sort of subjectively objective if that makes sense. To a person that considers you beautiful... you are ALWAYS beautiful. Regardless of your appearance or of trends you will always be beautiful to one who considers you beautiful.

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  • "No, I don’t lack confidence or self-esteem."

    I doubt that. Beauty doesn't come only from your external looks, but also, from your internal mindset.
    A positive person 6 is more beautiful than a nasty ass 9. I mean how beautiful can someone be with a screwface all the time.

    Beauty is a VERY subjective thing, so who is to say that you are NOT beautiful. No one. At the same time, no one has to say you are, but they do because they MUST see something good in you, rather than on you.

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  • 7d

    The problem with your post is that people are not objectively beautiful. We are culturally programmed. That's why in other cultures, there are different standards of beauty. As the human race bleed over more and more, those cultural standards become less distinct. But where there is more isolation, you can still see divergence.

    My ex did not fit conventional standards. I still think she was one of the most beautiful women I ever saw.

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  • You may not find yourself beautiful. You may not be beautiful according to social standards but it doesn't mean your partner is a lier, if he calls you beautiful. I am Turk and i want to share a turkish saying. about this. Its English translation is like that. "Beautiful is the one who the heart loves"

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  • that mostly sounds like a damned healthy attitude to have, but for one point..
    when a person falls in love, the subject of it really does appears more beautiful.
    when a person looks at a photograph of a their partner (a thing that is nothing of you other than appearance) it stimulates the loveyness parts of the brain.

    so, appearance isn't who you are, but it's part of what connects who you are to others, so don't resent that you have one.

    that's my only note, but otherwise kudos.

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  • "The only thing that’s important in a relationship is being sexually and romantically attracted to each other."
    That's a pretty shallow thing to say for someone that doesn't want to be complimented shallowly

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  • You sound more upset at compliments, and insecure than anything.. You say you ain't insecure, but this whole whole screams "insecurity".. I get the premise of what you were sayin, but I didn't exactly agree wit the execution..

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  • Just say 'thank you'. Gratitude is one of those desirable traits to develop. Complaining about everything is not.

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  • Awesome! That's what I've always espoused. Conventionally attractive people simply won the genetic lottery - they did not work hard for their good looks - they got it from their parents. Why do they deserve praise for something they did not have to work hard for? Just like your height, or the color of your eyes, or your natural hair color, etc.

    Someone who's worked hard to get to where they are, or who has dedicated years to the honing of their craft, who has mastered this or that and is the best in their field - now THAT's deserving of praise.

    Keep it up!

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  • unfortunate that you can't really take compliments like that. I understand it's not really you're fault, it's just that you react that way.
    It's probably making it harder than it should. I like complimenting someone about their looks, because I mean it.

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  • I won't call you beautiful, or tell you I love you. I know girls hate that shit. I'll still tell my friends you're the most beautiful woman I ever met and I'm nuts about you, but you won't hear that stuff from me.

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  • 4d

    I understand where you are coming from. I just don't totally agree with your perspective.

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  • truth is that even your partner found you beautiful in the first place (maybe he did not say it) and that's why he approached. So you should break up with him because he was shallow at some point.
    How dare he like your looks without knowing your IQ, your favourite hobbies, music, activities.

    People, stop being butthurt. If someone compliments you, TAKE IT! You are the shallow one for rejecting what others see in you, just because you believe you are not worthy enough. Suit yourself, but this will only do one thing: drive them away from you and your sour behaviour and you will end up hating yourself even more. If that's what you want, then keep doing it.

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  • 6d

    I don’t find myself attractive at all, but still let others think otherwise. It’s certainly better than someone saying they agree with you, don’t you think?

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  • You just don't know but for you, you're not satisfied by how you look. We respect that but everyone sees beauty differently. All you think is people are being bias that's all.

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  • LOL! Hey guys, imagine being so privileged that you complain about people finding you beautiful.

    Holy shit lady..

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  • That's fine to feel that way. Just remember, you don't get to control others so just because you don't want it that doesn't mean others still aren't going to tell you they find you beautiful.

    If you own man finds you beautiful it is kind of annoying for a girl to tell him he's not allowed to say it. Good luck with that one, unless he's a pushover.

    What you say is true. Pretty girls have done absolutely zero for get that. They are born programmed to look how they are going to look. She didn't reach some grand accomplishment to become pretty. She was born that way.

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What Girls Said 25

  • I appreciate it when my guy tells me I'm beautiful, I know he means it! Wait until your pregnant, and starting to think and feel fat, when he tells me how beautiful I look or I just look pretty melts my heart!

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  • I agree, the way you look shouldn't be the most important. But it has some importance. You want to hear the right compliment from the right person. Until that comes along, everything will sound ungenuine and meaningless.

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  • You don't find compliments sincere because you're positive you aren't beautiful, right?
    Well although I wouldn't consider myself beautiful or pretty, I do like compliments off my partner, but that's it, although I love the idea people think I am beautiful, I struggle to take compliments.

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  • I don't know, I see your point and to each their own but I don't think being called beautiful is a shallow compliment. Not from the right person it's not. It doesn't always mean the outside, it also means the inside in a lot of cases. And being beautiful on the outside doesn't mean looking like a model or being average. You, in my opinion, should like the way you look and think it's okay for someone to like the way you look. It comes with self-love, knowing your value, and having confidence. But if that's how you feel then I salute you for sharing. Have a good day.

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  • I undersatnd part 1 and 2, but not part 3.
    What's wrong with being complimented for the way you are born?
    If something, it means that you naturally "superior".
    It's not like if someone likes you for the way you look, it means that they don't like you for the way you are.
    Honestly if I found out my ex didn't think me to be good looking, I would have dumped him for my own and his sake.

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    • Because I don’t agree with it. If you don’t agree with something somebody says, doesn't mean that you find something wrong with it? I find so many things wrong with compliments I don’t agree with. I don’t want others to tell me I’m naturally ”superior” because it’s not something that would personally make me feel better about myself.

  • 6d

    Okay, then, you're ugly.

    Feel better? No, you don't. It's okay to not want compliments all the time, but this really is not a true problem. Go see a therapist.

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  • I don’t think I’m beautiful and I like being called beautiful if others think I am.

    I’m sorry you don’t feel the same :(

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  • 1d

    I understand where you are coming from but you need to understand you don't need to look like a supermodels from the Victoria secret runway you are beautiful and if someone can't see that then fuck them!

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  • i understand what you are saying, but dont you think some people may think you're beautiful even though you dont? that doesn't mean they are lying to you

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  • Well, all I got to say is no one beats me up on my looks worse than me. We are our own worse critics.

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  • You put it together and it sounds good, but it doesn't make much sense. How you see yourself and how others see you are so different sometime, it's good to hear someone else and how they see you.
    Why would you consider a compliment to be shallow if it's coming from someone that truly adores you and has your best interest at heart?
    I do agree in a relationship being romantically and sexually attracted to one another is important, but it all starts with how we look to one another, before the falling in love and sex is the initial attraction of how we look.
    People that are genuine don't compliment you so you'll feel better about yourself that's ridiculous, they compliment you to show how they feel about how you look, everyone has an opinion it doesn't mean they're trying to make you feel better about yourself because of low self esteem.
    I also agree it's great to be complimented on our accomplishments, but I disagree with just about everything else you wrote.

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  • if you were TRULY beautiful you wouldn't get mad at compliments. Clearly you find insincerity in every compliment people give you.

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  • 6d

    So because you dont think you're pretty means other people can't think you are?

    Um... okay?

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  • 4d

    Take whatever compliments you can get as long as they don't call you something ugly.

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  • 5d

    I don't mind those compliments as long as compliments are still given in other areas about me.

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  • You are a very intelligent and rational girl, this is what will make you happier than most people. My confidence doesn't come from my look and that's what most people who know me do not understand, I have already worked out that there will be others that is prettier, smarter and more gifted, so I just wanted to be my best self but in a world where people find reasons to be unhappy, they will never let you be because they need company in misery.

    I don't mind hearing my partner call me pretty though, when I hear it from others I have to force myself to say thanks uncomfortably and then many times it leads to unwanted advances, so there's that.

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  • 6d

    Agreed. If you want to appease me, compliment my brain.

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  • 6d

    MEH! I rather call myself beautiful but instead I look like a chicken rolled with bacon.

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  • 6d

    I agree with her, to some degree.
    I am pretty confident in my looks, I think I satisfy average beauty standards but hearing that I an beautiful doenst flatter me.
    I would rather be called "cute","understanding","nice" etc.. Just because I don't really care about looks and I don't find those "hot boys" hot unless I talk to them and find more about their personality.
    Beautiful, sexy, hot isn't a big problem if said once a while but when someone calls me the most beautiful woman on earth I recommend eye test and brain scan.

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  • I completely agree on all three points

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    • but... i feel like if your partner truly finds you to be beautiful... then it wouldn't be... wrong for him/her to say it to you, right?

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