How does the girl next door compete with the hotties?

I have 4 very close girl friends who are token hotties (3 brunettes and 1 blond, in case it matters). They have perfectly styled hair, tanned skin, perfect smokey eyes and patent shine lips, big boobs, and skinny bodies. They wear tight jeans, tight low cut tops, and high heels. Guys flock to them no matter where we go. They're never single or lonely.

I am not hot like my friends. My boobs are on the smaller side, and while I'm slim, I have curvy hips and a full butt that guys in high school teased me for. My hair is dark red and I let it be wavy and natural. I wear only a little makeup and dress cute but casual.

When I go out with my friends I am completely ignored by guys, and guys never approach me when I'm by myself. I haven't had a date in 3 years, and I'm starting to feel lonely.

Should I stay the way I am and hope for the best, or should I try to adopt the hottie look as much as possible?


Most Helpful Guy

  • With your mind.

    > 4 hotties

    Fine eye candy, but can get repetitive and dull, particularly if there doesn't seem to be much substance when you try to engage with them.

    > perfectly styled hair, tanned skin, patent shine lips

    Sound like they might be horribly high maintenance.

    > big boobs, and skinny bodies

    Isn't it great that different guys are attracted to different shapes and sizes of women?

    > tight jeans, tight low cut tops, and high heels. Guys flock to them no matter where we go.

    The uniform of youthful non conformity. Sounds ghastly.

    > They're never single or lonely.

    Of course they are, and will be riddled with their own insecurities (do guys only have any interest in me for my image or because I hang out the top of my chest, what am I going to do if my look starts to fade with age? etc).

    > I am not hot like my friends.

    Which is a huge plus point. The right people will like you for who you are, how you look may not even be a big factor.

    > My boobs are on the smaller side

    So what? Lots of people like this look great (keira knightly?)

    > curvy hips and a full butt that guys in high school teased me for

    Pathetic aren't we. In order to hide an interest from male peers who might think us odd if we don't confirm to liking the vogue cover stereotype we hide behind bonding humor without any concern for the distress this may cause.

    > My hair is dark red and I let it be wavy and natural

    Sounds great.

    > I wear only a little makeup

    Big plus.

    > and dress cute but casual.

    You've got to like it, feel comfortable and confidant. If guys appreciate your outfits that's a plus, but not required.

    > When I go out with my friends I am completely ignored by guys

    Not true - they just won't be being obvious about appreciating you.

    > guys never approach me when I'm by myself

    The fear of rejection is quite a high barrier for guys to get over.

    > I haven't had a date in 3 years, and I'm starting to feel lonely.

    Try online dating sites?

    > Should I stay the way I am, or should I try to adopt the hottie look as much as possible?

    Be you in terms of appearance. Maybe spend less time with the friends if being with them makes you feel inadequate or unhappy?

    > and hope for the best

    No. Do something positive about it. A dating site or getting involved in some clubs around activities that you already like or could develop an interest in are good ways of meeting people that you already have a connection with. Something romantic could follow on.

    • Your answer is great! I like it a lot. And the way with think things are going on. You just got so good mind.

      Good luck!

    • Thanks - I was just attacked by a complete woman hater at: link

      All I can say is how ashamed and disgusted I am at how some guys handle themselves.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 6

  • The most honest answer I can give you is that yeah, for a girl looks matter. I would usually pickup the hottest girl in a group. Or, I would give her the chance first.

    Unfortunately this is how the world works.

    Now, keep in mind that your friends and people that know you guys won't treat you this way. This only applies to new folks and strangers because men respond to beauty.

    I think you should pursue a 2fold strategy:

    1. Work on becoming barbie doll good looking - pick up on their makeup tricks and style

    2. Realize that long term, personality matters. Work on your charm, your talents, your ability to please guys beyond looks

    Whatever you do, don't "Stay and hope for the best". Action is required to move forward, even if your'e wrong.

    • This is ridiculous as hell. Oh, God what are you talking about? Are you with your brain? Put out of them the make up, the thight jeans, push-up bras, the fake ten, high heels and let their hair the way it is. And then answer the question again, please. If you're not scared to death, of course by those barbie doll -drop dead gorgeous-hot as hell beauties.

    • Sorry yeah you're right I Realized that I left "barbie doll good looking" on point 1. It should be rephrased to, find ways to become "good looking". Being good looking for a girl is important. Now... there are many ways to become "good looking". Personality, even. I have had girls who were not that good looking at first win me over with their charm.

      Nonetheless, figure out what "good looking" is for you, or the guys that you are interested in. Cheers.

  • I like your figure type better, actually; The hotties are great to LOOK AT; The girls next door are the ones I want to GO OUT WITH! Have you seen the State Farm commercial with New Boyfriend/New Girlfriend? The new girlfriend with the short shorts & black shirt tucked in tight was pretty, but how many girls are really built that way & who dresses that way? The girlfriend before she was changed had an every day figure with a cardigan belted at the waist & shirt tucked out underneath.. THAT looks like someone I could approach & start talking to... WAY CUTER!

  • If I had to be honest, it seems like the guys your friends are attracting just like them for their looks and don't really appreciate them for who they are (I could be wrong). The first thing I would suggest you do is to look at your friends and see what their lives are like dating wise. Are they successful in keeping relationships? Do they have one steady boyfriend or are they just dating causually and going in and out of relationships? You mentioned that ''they're never single or lonely''. Does this mean they are never short of dates or have they always been in one long relationship but still enjoy the attention they get from other guys? People always say to work towards being the best you can be and then someone special will come your way. You can do this but at the same time make sure you know what you want so that when you do find someone you can give the best you to that person.

    As for adopting to be someone else,I don't think you should ever change who you are to gain the approval of someone else. I'm not saying that you shouldn't try out new styles, but just don't change yourself completely to get attention from men because chances are you will be getting the wrong kind of attention. And believe it or not the girl next door has a much better chance of having a successful and long-lasting relationship than hotties because there is more to them then just their looks. I have found girls like yourself to have more depth and much better personalities (not saying that hotties don't have good personalities or anything). Many guys are attracted to hotties because of their looks and don't really appreciate the girl as a whole. If you feel like you need to get a new look or something then by all means go for it but don't change or do things if they make you feel uncomfortable.

    I honestly think you should stay the way you are because you are more likely to feel uncomfortable being someone you're not and that will show on the outside. Also, if you do meet someone then it's better to show the real you instead of being fake.

    I'm sure you're a lovely girl (both looks and personality). Just go out and have fun and you will probably meet someone when you least expect it (cliched I know but it's true). And like I said, a girl like you will have a more fulfilling relationship than a hottie who is probably in a relationship with a guy who only appreciates her for her looks.

    Good Luck

  • If you try to be hot, guys will usually just want to screw you and then just leave. The girl next door kind of women are the ones that guys desire to end up marrying.

  • look as good as you can

    i love girls with makeup and pushup bras. I like a girl that dresses slutty but doesn't sleep with every guy

    show offf your goodies its all about how you advertise it

    big hips and gettting turned on comonnnn

  • In my book, the girl next door has won the competition a million times over, but this isn't solely about me, so...

    Do you want the attention that your friends get? They way they dress and carry themselves probably gets a lot of sexual attention. When you dress like that, you'll attract guys that want in your pants and not guys that really care about you as a person. If that's what you think it'll take to stop feeling lonely, go ahead and emulate them. It's more likely that you'll feel more lonely though.

    I don't think you should change.


What Girls Said 12

  • Even if you change your look it still won't help with your self-esteem. Your problem is the way you look at yourself and if you don't think you're pretty then changing your look it's not going to help. From your question..does your friends like to tease you about how you look? Do they like to talk about how much guys like them? I'm asking all these questions because your friends can be the one who drive your self-esteem down too. If they do then they're not a good friend at all. Just remember guys will like you for who you are not the way you dress or act. YeAh guys going to flock to the hot looking ones because they think these girls are easy target and like the attention so chance of them gEtting in their pants are easy. I think you sound attactive to me. Good lucks.

  • You'll find guys giving you attention with the intentions of using you, and eventually you'll find yourself in this spot again.. asking yourself if you should change again, because you want to be taken seriously, and you don't want to be looked at as solely a sexual object.

    i am a-ok with not getting attention by the types of guys that approach this type, and you should be too!

  • I totally hear you. I like to look nice but I'm not the most gorgeous girl in the world and I'm a million miles from a nice body. A good 80% of my girlfriends are really gorgeous supermodel ladies with great bodies and hair and they are rarely are single. That being said I still don't think that you or I should have to change or try to be like them especially if it's not who we are and if it's solely for the guys that are chasing them to be chasing us. Eventually we're going to find guys who like us for who we are and think we're beautiful no matter what other guys think. I'm sure you're just as sexy as your friends, just because you don't flaunt yourself doesn't mean you're not hot as f***! You're gonna find a guy who loves your shape and loves your booty and loves your red hair (which is so hot by the way, red is sexyy!). If you look at questions asking whether guys like make up or not you will notice that most guys say little to no make up is what they prefer so you've got an advantage, guys totally like casual girls! Right now I'm into a guy who likes no make up which I find extremely difficult to pull off and not look like a total crack whore, haha. Anyways.. this whole rant is out of control but.. I just want you to know you don't have to change who you are or try to be like your friends because you are great and someone will see that eventually, without you having to change for it to happen. good luck :)

  • please, don't change your look. It'll get you attention, you just need to find the right kind of guy to appreciate it. Be different, guy's won't realize it now, but soon, when they mature, they'll flock to that, and you'll be pleased you never adopted the "plastic" look. :)

  • You need to do what feels right. If your asking us if you should change and try to be something you have stated you aren't then it probably won't feel right. maybe think about doing a few small suttle changes. If your not happy with the results you are getting find something about you that you wanna do a mini makeover on. Maybe go to a make up store and have them show you how to still keep your make up casual but add a little drama to the lips or eyes then try it at home. Bottom line is being you will always be more attractive than being something you are not. Just be patient and he will come in time.

  • so basically guys see your friends as "easy" and approach them because well...they look like sluts why not give it a try? why approach you, the one who looks classy and probably out of their league, and get shot down, when they can approach a slutty her a couple drink then get laid?

    easy looking women are more approachable, women with class are hard to approach. believe me...i have the sluttiest best friend...

  • Focus on yourself,don't compare yourself or compete.You are you,you are not them.

    Perhaps there are some things that would make you feel better about yourself?

    You'd be surprised as to what can make a girl feel beautiful AND look beautiful.Something as simple as buying various nail polishes and doing your nails weekly,or putting on a little blush with mascara and eyeliner.

    Sometimes you have to make the first move or show interest."Girls next door" can be intimidating.They tend to be quiet and shy,so that can come off as "she doesn't like me" or as a "don't approach me" disclaimer.

  • I would just be myself but I would just work out and be fitter. when people are fit, they automatically look hot.

  • If it's not you don't do it, but maybe dolling up a bit more might get the guys to come near you it won't keep them around though, you need to be yourself and show more of your personality through your clothes. maybe mix it up a little, straighten your hair and put it up sometimes, but don't change yourself for someone who won't stick around infact don't change yourself, your a nice girl and if a guy can't see that, their loss.

  • well your the most attractive one out of the bunch to me because your oringinal :)

  • style your hair

    learn how to do makeup

    and dress sexier

    adopt the hottie look it will make you feel much better and more confident. you're obviously insecure and lets face it girls look much better with the more styled hot look. yeah you can stay the way you are, and there are guys who will date a natural girl but if you're not reaching your beauty potential of course you're not gonna be as confident.

    THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING HOT! as long as you have a good personality and common sense to back it up you're fine. the fact of the matter is a hot girl will always attract more guys because she's better looking. and men are motivated by beauty. they don't look at a girl and think "wow that girl over there with no makeup on is probably really chill and I bet her personality is great" that's just not how men think. by the way your body is fine there are a lotta guys that like pear shapes you just need to be girlier and feminine. people will give you some feel good answer about "be yourself" but why can't you be yourself AND be hot at the same time? if you already have a good personality and then you become hot then you will be ahead of the game because you got looks and personality.

    girls next door get overlooked all the time. obviously you know that so just switch it up and be hot. yeah a girl next door will eventually find a guy who likes her for her, but its gonna be much harder and she'll have to wait a lot longer especially when you have competition of beautiful girls. look just ignore all the people that tell you not to improve your looks, you know what you gotta do..good luck

  • don't compete and don't compare. you have good qualities and bad qualities, and so do they.