My mom won't let me wear make up. Im 17 and applying for colleges. Im smart, have good grades, but she says its "unlady like". What's up?

[Anonymous]

I'm 17, I have a 4.2 GPA, I'm applying for college, I'm not leaving for collage (my mom forbade me going away for college), my only friend is a girl in Finland, I have no boyfriend and my mom forbade me from dating until I'm 18. She is INCREDIBLY controlling. She even judges the kind of music I like and forbids me from listening to certain things too. y mom has many MANY other issues which I will not be getting into rn, but please keep that in mind. Just this past Halloween I did my own make up for a costume and I LOVED it. Now for the for the days after (mind you only 3 days) I'm experimenting with different looks, and I actually like how it's been turning out. I think I look pretty... which I often don't think about myself as often as I probably should. Now this isn't full face or anything crazy. This is paint, bc she doesn't want we to use eyeliner, and eyeshadow. She even BOUGHT me the eyeshadow kit. To explain what im wearing, it's blue eyeshadow, white paint as eyeliner with a small wing, and snowflakes on my cheeks. She face timed me earlier in the day and said I looked "cute and sparkly" and I was so happy. My mom is a very judgmental person so this meant a lot. Cut to her coming home, she is now saying that "we need to have a talk" about the make up and I look "un-lady like" and "thats not how girl behave". Now personally I think this is a load of sh! t and she need to stfu. But bc of how she is it's either, bow down to her royal highness and kiss her ass and obey her every command, or death. Im not being dramatic either. When she gets made she goes nuclear. Screaming, hitting, kicking, threats. Awful is an understatement. Now that I'm older im tired of her bs. I wanna know, should I stand my ground and tell her no, this makes me happy and I like it, or should I just cave like usual?

[Sofargone93]

My mom was a professional model and make up artist in her 20s. She was light skin and had curly hair just like you. My grandmother tried her best to keep my mother innocent but the world got ahold of her. It started out as make up , then came the skimpy clothes then came trash men. It only got worse with time because she THOUGHT she was grown but still lived under my grandmother's roof.
Bad things happnend to her even though she was an honor student.

If your mother is telling you not to wear make up it's because she feels you're too innocent and make up makes you look older than you really are. . I'm sure you're highly self sufficient but there's things you don't know about the world at 17 . I can understand you're expressing yourself and have every right to but your not an adult yet legally. When you move out do what ever you want but for now your mama is your mama and she would not tell you something she didn't learn the hard way.

[McLlovin]

You may not always understand why your Mother is so strict, but always remember the intention is that she loves you.

There’s a disconnect sometimes with parents and there children when they get to a certain age because they are so busy with work and teenagers in High School.

Spending time with each other will help. I know that may seem lame, but it is what it is. Communication is key and will help ease tensions.

Times are dangerous and many women don’t know how to be ladies. Our society doesn’t even know what the definition of a real woman is. And at the same time women are out here disrespecting themselves with only fans. Listen to your or at least explain calmly how your feel and why you feel that way.

[4ngelic]

honestly either stop listenening to her and just do whatever the f u want. go away to college if you want, wear whatever clothes and stuff you want and if she has a problem tell her your basically 18 so she can't tell you what to do and if she tries to still stop you threaten to leave her, or you do all that stuff in secret. like buy your own makeup and put it on at school and remove coming back. listen to 'forbidden' music, date, do stuff she doesn't want you to do behind her back, etc. honestly you just need to rebel a little, you won't change her or do what you want if you just listen to her

[JacobJordan]

Well she has a point. look reality is majority of men do NOT like a woman with a face full of make up now if that is why she is bringing it up then she has a point. if on the other hand she is bringing up as just a way to exert control it is dumb but her house her rules. you are of course free to make your own choice even while under her roof provided you accept that while you are free to make those choices you are accepting any consequences that come as a result. if you aren't concerned with finding a boyfriend or husband then doesn't really matter that guys don't like it. on the personal side make up is pretty horrible for your skin so may not want to wear it for that reason? hope that helps you make a more informed choice

[FoxEyez]

Sounds like you gotta wait till your 18 to get the hell outta there. But it does also sound like your mom has a harsh past. Like I'm pretty sure it's family teaching that she wants you to follow, OR she screwed up in her past, which made her become a very constricting/overprotective parent that loves you and wants you to become someone that she wishes she could've become. And besides, you have your ENTIRE life to do anything you feel like doing. Just be patient child. It is a virtue.

[jennifer_bloom]

With a 4.2 you could go to Harvard if you get a good SAT score and learn foreign languages. I researched those that got accepted and wrote a chapter about types of students top schools look for that are beyond high grades and high I. Q. One example is that all Harvard students have to know a non English language and have 4 years functional evidence they can read and write and speak it.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Your mom is being too controlling. You get good grades, and you are looking for colleges to go to that is awesome but at age 17 she needs to start allowing to have a life and yes you should go away to college where you can have a dorm. I wish you the best on this matter. But mom needs to lay off for sure.

[ChicoFromThe305]

I think your mom is worried about something, possibly about mistakes she's made in the past and possibly sees things that might make her believe you are going down the same route, if she doesn't want you to go to college I doubt the education is what she's sacred of, I believe it might have more to do with those college parties, she possibly hears about that people get drunk, sometimes do porn, cause chaos, shit like that maybe

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately because you still live at home and you’re 17, it’s ultimately what your mom wants. You can rebel, sure, but just know that if you escalate so will she. You are so close to 18 and you can get a dorm when you graduate or find a cheap apartment. They might not be ideal but it’ll better than living at home with a parent that is suffocating you. You will be able to experiment and find out what kind of person you want to be. Just say no to drugs and don’t go crazy with drinking

[Anonymous]

i was like oh you're almost 18 and going away to college you'll be okay and able to... ohhh... she forbid you to move away for college (big red flag) then this is a way deeper problem here. your mom is toxic and controlling... you need to get away from this situation asap. please don't let this continue. i've been there and i'm still feeling the effects of it. so please PLEASE get out while you can.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how worth it it is at this point. You’re about to be 18, start planning your steps for adulthood and doing what you want. I would be looking into staying in a dorm or working a job that allows you enough to at least get a roommate. I know it’s expensive but having that freedom I think is worth the price.

[nonyabeez-wax]

Its unladylike because makeup and skimpy clothes advertising sexual availability and attracts garbage men who leave single mothers in their wake.

To men who will value you, natural beauty is always better, and heavy makeup is the same to them as wearing a skii mask, or false advertising.

The rest of that seems unreasonable. Moving out when you turn 18 seems like a reasonable response. Good luck.

[blueonblack22]

Whether it’s fair or not you are 17 and still live under your parents roof. Not saying your mom is right or wrong but she unfortunately does have say on this.

This will all change soon. Honestly I think she is making a big mistake by being overly controlling. This can lead to kids over rebelling when they get older and sometimes they go way too far given they don’t know how to handle freedom.

[Lisia]

Your makeup is so pretty! Your mom really doesn't know what she's saying.. a lot of women wear makeup. And she also shouldn't hit you tf 💀 this is so toxic.

[Fireguy17]

when you turn 18 you are free to leave and support yourself, so you are almost there.
once you no longer live in their house or rely on them for any financial support and you are legally an adult they will no longer be able to tell you what to do.
I had a buddy that lived at home and couldn't have a motorcycle, so he moved in with me and the next day he bought a motorcycle.
problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Just wear it anyway. My dad was super strict and used to hit me, one day I just told him the next time he hits me I'm going to hit him back. He never put hands on me again after that.

Parents really only have power over you for as long as you let them. I'm sure you're a good kid. You're almost legally an adult. Just stand up for yourself.

[midnightmoon05]

Be respectful to her. You can soon have your own life.

[Unit1]

Well, she's abusive from your last few sentences.

Get away from her as soon as you can and live by your terms. That means move out and live without your mother, so you can do what you want. You won't regret it.

[nastyb]

sweetie, you have your whole life ahead of you. you will come back in 6 years and realize how stupid you are for asking this question. In 5 years, you will have a whole new set of problems.

[7Phoenix7]

Do you think your mom might suffer from some type of mental illness? I'd be respectful but you should consider moving away for college. She can't force you not to. You don't have any other family that can help?

[DryGermanGuy]

Wait till you are 18 and then tell her to pound sand. Every time.

[Anonymous]

From the question I was surprised to see how nice it looks really. She should let you wear it.

[Nikki1989]

Your mom shouldn't be telling you what to do at your age.