Guys, you must stop waiting for signs that she likes you!

[Anonymous]

So i was just watching this tv show, and the good guy has been kidnapped by the bad guy, and this police officer is adamant that the good guy has been kidnapped, but the straight-as-an-arrow police chief is telling him "Show me proof!! Show me solid proof that he has been kidnapped otherwise I will not go after the bad guy!", because, he believes in justice and no one is guilty until proven.

Well, obviously the police chief is wrong, he is not believe the truth his officer is telling him and jeopardising the life of the good guy.

We know that the fact is that the good guy is in danger and the officer knows it and yet the police chief is still screaming: Show Me Proof! I Want Proof!

And this scene gave me an epiphany.

My whole life, I have never had success with any women. Oh no, I have never "failed" with women per se, becase I have never even really tried! Thinking back, from the first girl that I liked to the last one that I met just yesterday, deep down, I realize what's really, truly, stopping me from going after them or expressing my interest is, I AM ALWAYS WAITING FIRST FOR PROOF THAT SHE LIKES ME TOO! I was always thinking "ok, if I see the first sign that she likes me as much as I like her, then I will make my move". But that simply never happened!

I think maybe guys are naturally born with a more detective and scientific mind, we always wait, observe, calculate and search for evidence and proof that something will work before we take action.

But this is such a fatal way to act when you are looking for women! You as a man simply CANNOT wait for the girl to show you proof that she likes you! Because it is not going to happen! The girl will never be the one to show interest first unless you make the move first!

What I am saying is, that PROOF that you are waiting for, it is NOT going to come UNTIL you stick your neck out there and just jump off a cliff and cross your fingers and believe that your wings will make you fly!

It's like the lottery. That $100 Million prize money is NEVER going to be yours if you are looking and waiting for proof that the numbers you want to buy will be the winning numbers! It simply will not happen! It doesn't work like that! There is no proof until you take a step out of faith or guts or whatever and just go for it!

In conclusion, I think "the hope for evidence" is the single biggest obstacle in stopping guys going after girls they want, even when the girl actually like them just as much.

I hope this blabbing has helped you guys.

[serious]

Well, I will disagree with this one, I don't believe that. I am not sure how it was in the past, but today with changing times, women are now taking the initiative and yes women also show the interest in a guy, sometimes the guy doesn't pick those signs, nowadays even women are making the move and asking the guy out so times are changing.

I would like to point out something in the example that you gave regarding the police officer and kidnapping. There also you are actually wrong, the logic itself if wrong, I don't know the laws in your country, but in most countries law doesn't act unless it's sure that the event has taken place, there has to be some sort of proof that the event has taken place, let's take your example of the kidnapping of the good guy.

As far as I know how can the police chief just believe that the good guy has been kidnapped? meaning someone from the family or friend must have come to police and must have written a complaint somewhere? right? and not only that kidnapping is just a possibility, for example if a person leaves in the morning and doesn't return till 11 pm that day, one cannot automatically assume that he has been kidnapped, who knows, that person may have gone somewhere and doesn't want anyone to know, so the family members can go to the law and tell them that this person hasn't returned home and then the police will chalk out all the possibilities unless they reach the conclusion that kidnapping has taken place, right?

Moreover another question is how does the police officer know that the kidnapping has taken place? how did he come to know? so you see there are these questions. I mean just because someone is saying something that need not be necessarily true right? Another reason why police chief might be asking for proof because he could be wondering has there been any ransom call or have the kidnappers tried to contact the family of the good guy?

Normally the kidnappers contact the family, so that can act as a proof? right. Hence from all this I would say the police chief is not wrong in asking for proof that kidnapping has indeed taken place. Logically speaking I don't think law functions under uncertainity or doubt. Unless the law is certain then only it acts, that's what I know. Officially an investigation cannot take place just because someone is saying something, unofficially I don't know, may be it can be done.

Of course the logic of wanting proof is not applicable everywhere, I agree with that.

cont...

[serious]

Anyways, let's leave that.

Let's come to the discussion regarding women showing signs of liking you. Once again I disagree with that. I mean one can't just plunge into it, with their eyes closed, one cannot just take a blind risk, I mean calculated risks are good but if you are just going to believe in something that may not be true and take a risk, you will increases your chances of "REJECTION" and getting hurt, it will only bring pain.

Hence it's always good to confirm through any means that the woman indeed likes you, surely there will be signs shown by the woman and the guy hasn't noticed that because it's not possible that a woman likes a guy and doesn't show it. The signs can be verbal or through her actions so that becomes a proof for the guy that the woman likes her and so in this it will be a calculated risk, which is fair.

Cont...

[serious]

Everyone needs confirmation of some sort, be it anything in life, because confirmation, proof always makes a person feel secure. If you can understand what I mean.

However it's also possible that the woman may not like the guy but the guy likes the woman and just because he likes her, if he is going to plunge into it without thinking or confirming on the signs shown by the woman ( not liking the guy) then what good will it do to the guy? I mean don't you think he will be increases his chances of getting hurt, getting rejected? and plus don't you think he is taking a blind risk?

Of course you should act on your feeling or what you believe is right as far as going for the woman is concerned but at the same time confirming the situation as to what's on the other side is also equally important.

Hence it's not wrong of a guy to think that he wants proof/confirmation from the woman that she also likes him. To me it makes sense.

That's my view of all this.

[myTake Owner]

while your argument about the police is very detailed, unfortunately you missed out the single most important point, which is, the good guy HAS INDEED BEEN KIDNAPPED! That is the FACT!
The police chief is blinded by his lack of proof and perspective. Period.

As for chasing girls, well i mean, you can sit there and wait for the proof that might never come, or you can just do it, and what's the downside if she "rejects" you? You say pain? hurt? come on you pussy...

[RJGraveyTrain]

I would have to disagree: girls often show their interest in a guy, it's just typically he doesn't stick around long enough for us to develop said interest or the signs we show him go completely over his head.

Not all women expect you to make the first move either: I have and still continue to make the first move all the time, and every time I have, it's been for the very issue you suffer from: the guy I wanted wouldn't make a damn move.

Yes, there are women out there who won't initiate but they more than often will show interest in you if they like you, the problem is more likely that her "hints" if you will aren't blatantly obvious enough for you to pick up on it. Along with that is that you may not have had the adequate amount of time for this woman to form feelings for you, so that's another thing entirely.

That's just my take on the subject.

[Trotters]

So what hints does a girl give that us lads dont pick up on?

[RJGraveyTrain]

For every girl, it's different: it could be teasing, it could be very subtle looks, it could be hidden in the things that she says.

For me personally, I am straight forward so I don't rely on subtleties.

[mrsingle]

That's confusing, how do you tell the difference between teasing teasing or like you teasing? What would she say to indicate she likes you in a hidden way, any examples you could describe? I don't recall any girl ever showing interest in me. That doesn't mean it never happened, but if I'm not picking up the signals it's presenting a huge problem for me right now. I never dated and I really need dating advice and understanding women better because I've missed out years of social experience and I'm trying to catch up on what I've missed, but always being alone makes that very difficult! You could pm me if your willing to help @RJGraveyTrain

[myTake Owner]

@mrsingle that right there, my friend, is exactly the mistake by men that i am describing. Like I said, just like gambling, the only way to find out if you can win is if you place the bet and go for it. Staring at the roulette for 3 hours and analysing all the angles is not going to help you one bit in winning if you don't place a bet. On the other hand, if you keep placing bets, without even looking, you will win something sooner or later. The whole point of chasing girls is you don't know if you will fail. If the result is 100% guarantee then there will be no point.

[Moose2coolvargas]

Why not just come out and say it

[THEALIster]

I agree with both of you. Men don't get hints, therefore, they shouldn't look for them. They should assume she likes him in all positivity, and initiate a date or her number. Apparently the guy whim I really liked over a year thinks I'm playing hard to get because I didn't approach, but when I tried to approach he didn't see it coming and didn't take the opportunity. So, opportunities opportunities, opportunities! !!

[RJGraveyTrain]

I am not advocating that women SHOULD give hints, at no point did I state I did. I just happen to know that women DO have a behavior of being more subtle due to past social conditioning.

[xxcchhllaauu]

@THEALIster lol opportunities a word i know far to well

[Mistnigqa808]

" I think "the hope for evidence" is the single biggest obstacle in stopping guys going after girls they want, even when the girl actually like them just as much." I agree which is why I'm the type of nigga who'll "plant the evidence" in her heart now. Ya know via befriending her somehow and saying the right things at the right time to make her fall for me HAHA.

"But this is such a fatal way to act when you are looking for women! You as a man simply CANNOT wait for the girl to show you proof that she likes you! Because it is not going to happen! The girl will never be the one to show interest first unless you make the move first!" I've had plenty of girls show interest in me 1st even tho I had never spoken to them nor looked their way. treehouse.alphabity.com/.../lolligans.gif

Nice take tho I liked it.

[Mistnigqa808]

their way a day in my life.*

[Azara]

@ᗰIᑎᑕᕼᗩᑎ think maybe guys are naturally born with a more detective and scientific mind, we always wait, observe, calculate and search for evidence and proof that something will work before we take action.

funny when women do this its called being passive not scientific.

anyhow im more the way you describe but its true it only works if both people are doing that so no one thinks oh she / he isn't interested and moves on. took me years to get together with a guy but we were both observing and watching and analyzing. luckily it worked but if in retrospect its better to just go for it once you feel a spark. if they are not interested then at least you know and you can move on. :)

[pdxgirl]

I agree with this actually. Because sometimes we don't necessarily notice someone at first but seeing the confidence it took to say something to me. Plus maybe you'll love their voice or their personality after hearing them talk to you.
Honestly what is the worst that could happen? You might find out she isn't into you but its better than having missed out on something amazing because you were too scared.

[BigJake]

"... we don't necessarily notice someone at first but seeing the confidence it took to say something to me."

I think this is very true. I've had really hot girls not notice me until I asked them out, and then suddenly I was on their radar, and they were almost begging me to ask them out again even if they'd said no the first time. Girls gain respect for guys when they find out he has balls.

[pdxgirl]

@BigJake Yeah exactly. And maybe even confidence isn't the right word but maybe its like once he starts talking to me I notice some cute mannerism, or he has a great smile or something I never would have noticed at first. Its the little things that add up.

[Prof_Don]

@BigJake yup, even if the girl rejects him, she gains respect for him.

[Darkfairie17]

I agree with you. I adopt the same mentality when dating as well as a woman. There is no harm in striking up a conversation with someone and getting a feel for who they are. That's the only way you will even know if 1) You even like them and 2) whether they would be possibly interested in you.

I think the best thing to do is to just give it a shot. You won't regret trying and losing out more than not trying and missing out.

[QuestionMan]

Well there are signs when a girl doesn't like you, likes you or just doesn't notice you.
The first 2 are the most obvious but happen the rarest.
Whether you approach the last category of girls is up to you. Personally I prefer to get a sense of what type of girl she is by observing her behaviour, clothing and friends to get a sense of whether I should approach.

[Albinoninja66]

If you're like me and don't care about chasing chicks then it's better for them to show signs that they like you

[Anongirl25]

What signs do guys give if they like a girl?

[Albinoninja66]

@Anongirl25 a hell of a lot. It's much more obvious if a guy likes a girl from all of the cases I've seen. We will act more alpha male and show off, act nicer, tougher, usually try to be funnier, enjoy hanging out with the girl, and if he asks for your number he probably likes you.

[Anongirl25]

What about staring secretly, butting in your convro when you with your male friends, but if you and the girl are alone you don't talk.

A guy has been doin this..

[Albinoninja66]

@Anongirl25 those are pretty good signs.

[Anongirl25]

My friend says he just wanna be friends or is attracted to u but I think it's a crush, what's ur view?

[Albinoninja66]

Well if he's showing most of the things I listed then he probably likes you. Try to get him to ask you out if you really think that he's interested. I'm currently in a similar situation with a girl that says she wants to be single for a while yet she acts like she likes me. I would appreciate it if you could give me a little advice too. I posted a question about it here: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1813212-she-wants-to-stay-single-yet-she-acts-like-she-really-likes-me

[Anongirl25]

Sure I'll check your question out soon...

Well he doesn't give some off the signs u stated but he does: stare at times, is tryna start to talk to me when I'm talking to guy friends, butts into convro, starting to smile ish.

You kno what I'll message u later with more info maybe.

[Anongirl25]

Message me as I can't message anyone on here yet

[Speedy94]

You could be right about that, and i believe in justice too ;)

We should indeed not wait to see or have proove that a girl likes us. We should just go for it.

[Prof_Don]

Yup, as a male you HAVE to be the risk taker, in nature males are always the disposable sex so u need to make sure that u are a "have" instead of a "have-not "

[Speedy94]

@Prof_Don You are right and i will try to take note from this. I need to dare more! I like myself how i am so why should i let myself get influenced if i would get rejected. I am a mentally strong person except in these kind of dating things but i will change it. What you wrote is right, thanks for the article!

[ConsultantIsBack]

Many women on gag I've noticed expect guys to magically read their mind or complain about not getting approached, but then don't ever mention about how they approach/even attempt to show obvious signs of interest.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Watch out: fake girls will destroy you whether you make a move or not.

[Prof_Don]

That is a risk worth taking in my opinion

[Poppykate]

Most girls do show their interest. But most guys just don't see it!

[myTake Owner]

that, right there, is exactly what i am talking about.
if you really read what you said, it makes absolutely no sense.

if the girls really do "show" interest, then how can the guys physically not see it, huh?
clearly, the girls are not "showing" their interest, are they?

if I show you a pencil, can you physically "not see it"? No.

you are like a criminal who said to the police: of course I committed the crime, why can't you see the evidence?

in other words, girls will only "show" their interest in a way that guys cannot see, and that is as far as the girls will ever show.

hence, guys just have to stop looking for evidence, take a leap, and just do it.

[Poppykate]

We usually show interest, by taking more interest in him. Staring at him, and looking away. Smiling at him. etc.

[Yeahhbro]

I disagree, doing this could get you label as a creep, clingy and desperate man. You do need some form of comfort built between both of you.

[pavlove]

and sometimes when guys get proof it psyches them out like they don't want to do anything to ruin the attraction they already have... funny to watch

[Anonymous]

Well ya obviously because 99% of girls are stubbornly passive

[Prof_Don]

Either makes moves on women or be very likely to die without sex nor female companionship... to me the risk of rejection is worth it.

[Opinion Owner]

Some guys make moves all the time but are constantly rejected

[Opinion Owner]

And a guy should never feel too old for this I'm assuming?

[Anonymous]

I liked this take. Yes when I doubt whip it out.