It's 2019 and the the tremors of #MeToo can still be felt through society. Bringing awareness to sexual harassment and assault that would have otherwise gone unnoticed is obviously a vitally important thing.
...But let's make one thing clear. Approaching women is NOT one of those things. I'm seeing more and more men becoming even more scared to pursue women for the sake that they're worried about being a creep or worse, being guilty of committing sexual harassment.
What do I mean when I say approach in this context?
This is very important to define. Approaching is NOT catcalling. Catcalling is a lazy, perverted way of trying to get someone's attention. Calling out unnecessary sexual comments serves no purpose other than to make you look like an idiot and make the person on the receiving end uncomfortable.
Approaching is an honest attempt at trying to introduce yourself to someone who you find attractive for the purposes of getting to know each other. It involves respecting the person you're talking to and trying to maintain their respect as well. Making the other person feel uncomfortable defeats the whole purpose of approaching. The ideal approach would result in both parties liking each other....Anything else is NOT an ideal approach.
So how do you approach?
You're walking down the street, going about your life when in the distance you see this woman in a yellow dress sitting and reading at the bus stop. She's the type of girl that pops into your mind when you're asked to describe how your dream girl would look. She's fantastic.
You've now got two options.
A) Continue walking on and throw what could potentially be a life changing moment in the trash.
B) Approach her and not have to live with the thoughts of 'what could have been?' lingering in your mind.
Let's be proactive, let's pick B. You need to go after what you want in life to be successful. But you now feel your heart reverberating through your chest as you change your direction towards her. The thoughts of backing out hammering on your mind, 'this is wrong, what if she thinks I'm a creep?', but she's glanced up at you now, she's noticed you, there's no backing out now. You throw a nervous smile in her general direction and detect a smile back from her. That's got to be a good sign, she's warm at least.
At this point your body is operating almost autonomously. Your heart has defeated your mind and those little negative voices have all but gone. You smile again as you stand opposite her and tell her that she's the woman of your dreams, but you say it with just enough confidence and flirtatiousness for her to realize you're not actually serious in order to avoid being seen as desperate and cringy. She laughs and asks you for your name and you introduce yourself. You chat for a while and analyse her expressions to see how she's feeling and ensure you're not making her uncomfortable. Things seem to be going well, however out of the corner of your eye you notice her bus approaching and you realize that you've got to take the next step. As the bus door begins to open you ask her for her number and she tells you that you seem cool, but she doesn't normally feel comfortable giving it out to strangers. That's fine, you think to yourself, she doesn't owe anything to you. So you hand her your old business card as she begins to walk on the bus and tell her to call you if she pleases. She gives you a warm smile as she disappears behind the seats.
You begin to walk away and glance behind you as you see the bus fading away into the distance of the metropolis. Will she ever contact you? Who knows.. But at least you tried and you did it in a way that was respectful.
The moral of the story..
Men should not be afraid to approach women. It is already daunting enough, so let's not blur the lines and bring approaching in with sexual harassment. Approaching done properly and respectfully is never sexual harassment. The key word is having respect. Try being someone who brightens someone's day and not someone who darkens it.
And for all the men worried about approaching, who suffer from approach anxiety and can't silence those little voices in your head that are screaming about rejection and calling you a creep....Here's a video I will leave you with. Thank you for reading.
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