Flirting

Nueroticism and what you bring to the table: mindset, making a move and follow through.

So I went out on a long hike today in a state park located on the coast of San Francisco,

Nueroticism and what you bring to the table: mindset, making a move and follow through.

and while out there I realized something profound.

And this is: we shouldn't let our own nueroticism overshadow our legitimately positive attributes that are worth sharing with a romantic interest. And this lead me to a shocking discovery, there's such a thing as 'romantic confidence' or confidence specifically for romantic contexts -- including flirting, deciding to make contact with a person, and the belief in the value of you making a move rather than not.

I have more or less figured out the elusive meaning of 'confidence' in two other contexts, namely interpersonal (tip of an iceberg that's submerged underwater -- a centeredness that doesn't melt away or sway with the external environment), sexual (the fact that you have genitals, and they work) and now, finally, romantic (the realization that your own nueroticism should not overshadow your own positive attributes and quirks that could make sharing your time with someone else pleasant and worthwhile for them to want be around you, aka, you're not seeking their approval but rather are giving something to them worthwhile, namely, you are sharing your positive attributes with them over time).

Better define neuroticism too, it is a word to describe people who often dwell on, or are hyper-aware of, their own faults and flaws, and are often hyper-aware of their surroundings and who often jump to conclusions, which are often negative, based on assumptions and speculations. Often blaming their own personal faults as their justifications for believing such and such speculative conclusion will likely happen. And therefore, bothering to try is pointless.

Okay. Not everyone is nuerotic, so surely there are many on this site who cannot relate. I, however, am neurotic. And I know this because I have tested highly on nueroticism on a big 5 personality test administered by a licensed clinical psychologist (PhD) at my university.

Here's the deal: lots of regular guys who struggle with women are also probably neurotic but just don't realize it. I think it's probably the one and only common thread that runs through communities of men who struggle with women.

This just ain't right. The reason it ain't right is because the fact of the matter is that you do have positive qualities, they are in fact different and unique from other people, and someone would absolutely, objectively, enjoy spending time with you when you reveal them with this other person in your manerisms, behaviors and preferences. And that is exactly what should be the very root and sustinence of your romantic confidence, or your confidence in a romantic context. Knowledge that you in fact have something worth sharing -- that is romantic confidence.

Like in the case of sexual confidence, the fact is that you have these attributes, you were born with them, and therefore you can be a good partner because you do bring these things to the table and therefore, making that first move is worth it for these reasons because you should know your own worth to the other person, which could be high.

And this is what women mean when they say 'if they don't appreciate you for who you are, then they don't deserve you.'

And I finally understand that this is completely true. In the simplest sense, if one does not appreciate your positive qualities, then they do not deserve them.

Absolutely. And with this understanding, now, you can go forth and be willing to fail and be willing to make that move, introduce yourself or ask someone out because you now understand the true meaning of the expression 'who cares about rejection?'. Indeed, this is what that means. It is precisely because you are not seeking their approval, but are rather offering to give something valuable that it does not matter if they deny your offer. Truly.

This is where the expression 'their loss' originates from. This is what that means.

It's important for everyone to internalize this message and make sure they really 'get it' before going forth in the world of trying to get hookups, dates or just interact with your preferred sexual preference in general, because without this understanding there is nothing you could possibly do to be successful. And that's right. There is absolutely nothing for you without this, because why would a person who understands this ever spend time with someone who doesn't?

They wouldn't. Right?

So guys, quit the approval seeking and start giving something. Recognize your positive traits, whatever they are for you, and then understand that no matter what, objectively, you can give those to others. Feel good about this discovery. And know that if someone rejects your gift, then they do not deserve it in the first place.

The outcome does not matter, because someone will enjoy your positive attributes or else they wouldn't be such. In reality, all flirting is is a way to catch someone's attention so you might get an opportunity to give them something awesome, memorable, unique to you, and something which can never be taken back. So stop sweating it. Isn't that just a beautiful thing to realize?

The only ones who lose in this are the approval seekers. The only ones.

That's all for today. ✌

Nueroticism and what you bring to the table: mindset, making a move and follow through.
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