We've all seen seven hundred questions a week about how to get this boy or how to make her like me or any number of things along those lines.
Please note that I'm not insulting any of you, I'm not scolding or yelling. I'm just being as blunt as possible so you know exactly what it is I'm saying and understand that it's not going to be easy and it might not even be fun but it's just the reality of the world. At least the reality I see.
Step One: Be the kind of person you would want to date.
A lot of this section is going to draw upon things said in this Cracked.com article.
So there's a cute girl you really like but she just doesn't seem into you, what do you do? Well you make yourself the kind of person worth her time. If a camera followed you around for a week, didn't hear any of your thoughts just watched what you did what would she think when she saw the tapes? Would she be amazed by your life? Intrigued? Amused? Infatuated? Or would she be bored, confused or upset? How can you expect other people to want to share a life with you when you haven't got much of a life to share?
So the very first step to getting a date is to become the person you would want to date. Also become a person worth dating. What are things you can do? What can you bring to a relationship? Don't say "I listen well, I'm nice, I'm kind, I'm honest" Any one can be those things, hell that girl you like probably has a thousand "nice" guys a thousand "honest" guys talking to her a day asking for her number.
So why did she say yes to that other guy and not you? Well he can play guitar and speak seven different languages, what about you? What actually skills do you bring to the table? The skills don't need to be anything other-wordly or amazing just something to contribute. Can you cook? Do you have a good body? Are you good at telling jokes? Do you write well? Can you sing? Can you draw or paint? Are you good at making interesting, engaging conversation? Do you have any hobbies you can introduce her to?
Become interesting to her, so that she'll want to spend time with you. Remember your significant other is also your best friend. You don't pick best friends based on how nice they are, you pick them based on shared interests, skill sets and hobbies. And if you want one girl in particular that might mean changing who you are and what you like to be the kind of guy she likes and who will share interests with her.
You don't have to do that, hell you shouldn't want to do that, but if you don't she won't like you. Which leads me to my next point...
Step Two: Stop blaming everyone else when you don't get her
"She only picked him because he's rich."
"What a jerk, girls only want jerks and bad boys."
"All she cares about is his stupid car."
"He's just a stupid gym buff, she's so shallow for picking him."
We've all at least heard some form of these complaints, if not said them ourselves. The problem is that they're wrong. Period. For many different reasons, so let.s start with the simplest.
Girls don't want jerks and bad boys. Zombiefood wrote a bit about it at the end of this article: Does she like you? And I will elaborate on the other part here:
They're not jerks at all. You just see them as jerks because they're not you. She didn't pick you, you DESERVE her, doesn't she see that? Doesn't she see what a fake and a poser that other guy is? No. Because he's not. He is into all the things she's into and they get along well together.
The only reason you see him as a jerk is because he's not you and you want that girl and he took her away and that's just plain NOT FAIR. This Cracked.com article does a good job summarizing why you feel this hatred.
So next time a girl rejects you stop calling names and hating others and blaming everyone else. All blame is, is pushing responsibility on everyone else for your failures. If you constantly deny failing, if you constantly refuse to accept that something is wrong with you no one will ever say yes because you'll never better yourself. In order to be worthy of anyone you need to be the best person you can. Being a person who blames everyone else for their shortcomings is not the best person. Does any one actually like that guy at work who always says, "Yeah well I would have done the project except ______ didn't get the paper work to me in time now it's crap and if only every one else were as good or competent as me, blah blah blah".
That's what you sound like when you start calling names and pointing fingers for being rejected. You do see the problem with that now, right? Good. So change it. Next time you're rejected instead of getting mad figure out why and better yourself, improve yourself. You don't need to change yourself, just become a better person, change your attitude because that's really the problem. That finger pointing thing is for children, not for grown adults looking for serious relationships so grow up.
Step Three: Stop going after girls who you won't get along with
Yes we all want the hottest, funniest, smartest, cutest girl possible. We all want to be proud of the girl we're dating. The point of this section isn't to tell you not to go after her, it's just to tell you the reality is that she probably has different priorities than you do.
Remember where I said you'd need to get some hobbies some skills and show those off? Well I also said some girls you might have to change yourself to get. That smoking hot chick reading Cosmo may seem like a great pick but do you really think she gives two craps about how awesome Sorin Markov is? Do you think she cried a little when Ash left Pikachu behind? Do you think she knows who Donatello, Leonardo, Rafael and Michelangelo are? Either in reality of TMNT. The answer is very likely a resounding NO. (Not that all pretty girls who read Cosmo are stupid and preppy, I'm just making an example so calm yourselves).
And that's not a bad thing, she just has different tastes than you do. So if you want her you'll probably have to start caring about the lives of celebrities, and working out if you don't already. And if you don't want to change who you are it's just not going to work. That's fine, that's normal, that's great. But it doubles back to my last point- don't blame the hot, rich guys she does date because their interests match hers and yours don't.
Instead of lamenting over all that find a girl, who meets your physical standards (we all have them, so don't say you don't, and having them doesn't make you shallow), and is into the things you are. Trust me, they exist, you just need to start looking, hang out different places where you're more likely to find them. No, Starbucks is not that place.
Step Four: Be happy by yourself and love yourself first
If you can't love you how do you expect other people to? And if you can't stand to be alone and enjoy your own company how can you expect others to? Before you even consider a relationship you should be considering if you're happy with yourself. This is slightly different from my first point because this is less about being someone worth dating and more about being someone worth being.
You can't feed off every one else's happiness. You can't depend on others to make you a better person. You can't lean on your girlfriend or boyfriend and let them make you feel good about yourself. You need to do that all on your own before you even consider getting involved in a relationship. It's simple but it's more than just extremely hard to do so it's going to take a lot of effort, a lot of work. A lot of people don't love themselves.
So before you jump right in and start trying to date people, make sure you're happy with you and you can maintain a functioning, happy, working single life. Oh, and when you do get that relationship- don't drop all that stuff, keep working at it, and keep your friends and family around, it's really easy to let them go once you have a relationship but don't... It's not worth it and it will put too much pressure on your significant other to be your everything. BUT that's a point for another article.
I hope you all learned something and I hope you all enjoyed the article (and the others I referenced). Please know that I'm not insulting you or yelling at you I'm just... telling it straight, saying things as bluntly as possible because sometimes you just need to hear the long and short of it however it sounds. It's nothing personal it's just the truth the way I see it and I hope you learned from this article.
Please note that I'm not insulting any of you, I'm not scolding or yelling. I'm just being as blunt as possible so you know exactly what it is I'm saying and understand that it's not going to be easy and it might not even be fun but it's just the reality of the world. At least the reality I see.
Step One: Be the kind of person you would want to date.
A lot of this section is going to draw upon things said in this Cracked.com article.
So there's a cute girl you really like but she just doesn't seem into you, what do you do? Well you make yourself the kind of person worth her time. If a camera followed you around for a week, didn't hear any of your thoughts just watched what you did what would she think when she saw the tapes? Would she be amazed by your life? Intrigued? Amused? Infatuated? Or would she be bored, confused or upset? How can you expect other people to want to share a life with you when you haven't got much of a life to share?
So the very first step to getting a date is to become the person you would want to date. Also become a person worth dating. What are things you can do? What can you bring to a relationship? Don't say "I listen well, I'm nice, I'm kind, I'm honest" Any one can be those things, hell that girl you like probably has a thousand "nice" guys a thousand "honest" guys talking to her a day asking for her number.
So why did she say yes to that other guy and not you? Well he can play guitar and speak seven different languages, what about you? What actually skills do you bring to the table? The skills don't need to be anything other-wordly or amazing just something to contribute. Can you cook? Do you have a good body? Are you good at telling jokes? Do you write well? Can you sing? Can you draw or paint? Are you good at making interesting, engaging conversation? Do you have any hobbies you can introduce her to?
"Every guy can be nice and good and kind and respectful, that's the easy part. You need more than that to make a working, quality relationship."If the answer to all that is "no" then stop reading this right now and go pick some stuff up and then come back and read the other steps. Every guy can be nice and good and kind and respectful, that's the easy part, you need more than that to make a working, quality relationship. You need to bring something more, something actual to the table. She does- look at her, she's good looking, witty, smart, a good dancer, she loves to read and will read to you and introduce to to all kinds of interesting books and talk about them in depth with you. Not to mention the dozen hobbies she regularly engages in- knitting circles on Mondays, volunteer work on Wednesdays, scout master on Thursdays, so on and so forth.
Become interesting to her, so that she'll want to spend time with you. Remember your significant other is also your best friend. You don't pick best friends based on how nice they are, you pick them based on shared interests, skill sets and hobbies. And if you want one girl in particular that might mean changing who you are and what you like to be the kind of guy she likes and who will share interests with her.
You don't have to do that, hell you shouldn't want to do that, but if you don't she won't like you. Which leads me to my next point...
Step Two: Stop blaming everyone else when you don't get her
"She only picked him because he's rich."
"What a jerk, girls only want jerks and bad boys."
"All she cares about is his stupid car."
"He's just a stupid gym buff, she's so shallow for picking him."
We've all at least heard some form of these complaints, if not said them ourselves. The problem is that they're wrong. Period. For many different reasons, so let.s start with the simplest.
Girls don't want jerks and bad boys. Zombiefood wrote a bit about it at the end of this article: Does she like you? And I will elaborate on the other part here:
They're not jerks at all. You just see them as jerks because they're not you. She didn't pick you, you DESERVE her, doesn't she see that? Doesn't she see what a fake and a poser that other guy is? No. Because he's not. He is into all the things she's into and they get along well together.
The only reason you see him as a jerk is because he's not you and you want that girl and he took her away and that's just plain NOT FAIR. This Cracked.com article does a good job summarizing why you feel this hatred.
"If you constantly deny failing, & if you constantly refuse to accept that something is wrong with YOU, no one will ever say yes because you'll never better yourself."
So next time a girl rejects you stop calling names and hating others and blaming everyone else. All blame is, is pushing responsibility on everyone else for your failures. If you constantly deny failing, if you constantly refuse to accept that something is wrong with you no one will ever say yes because you'll never better yourself. In order to be worthy of anyone you need to be the best person you can. Being a person who blames everyone else for their shortcomings is not the best person. Does any one actually like that guy at work who always says, "Yeah well I would have done the project except ______ didn't get the paper work to me in time now it's crap and if only every one else were as good or competent as me, blah blah blah".
That's what you sound like when you start calling names and pointing fingers for being rejected. You do see the problem with that now, right? Good. So change it. Next time you're rejected instead of getting mad figure out why and better yourself, improve yourself. You don't need to change yourself, just become a better person, change your attitude because that's really the problem. That finger pointing thing is for children, not for grown adults looking for serious relationships so grow up.
Step Three: Stop going after girls who you won't get along with
Yes we all want the hottest, funniest, smartest, cutest girl possible. We all want to be proud of the girl we're dating. The point of this section isn't to tell you not to go after her, it's just to tell you the reality is that she probably has different priorities than you do.
Remember where I said you'd need to get some hobbies some skills and show those off? Well I also said some girls you might have to change yourself to get. That smoking hot chick reading Cosmo may seem like a great pick but do you really think she gives two craps about how awesome Sorin Markov is? Do you think she cried a little when Ash left Pikachu behind? Do you think she knows who Donatello, Leonardo, Rafael and Michelangelo are? Either in reality of TMNT. The answer is very likely a resounding NO. (Not that all pretty girls who read Cosmo are stupid and preppy, I'm just making an example so calm yourselves).
And that's not a bad thing, she just has different tastes than you do. So if you want her you'll probably have to start caring about the lives of celebrities, and working out if you don't already. And if you don't want to change who you are it's just not going to work. That's fine, that's normal, that's great. But it doubles back to my last point- don't blame the hot, rich guys she does date because their interests match hers and yours don't.
Instead of lamenting over all that find a girl, who meets your physical standards (we all have them, so don't say you don't, and having them doesn't make you shallow), and is into the things you are. Trust me, they exist, you just need to start looking, hang out different places where you're more likely to find them. No, Starbucks is not that place.
Step Four: Be happy by yourself and love yourself first
If you can't love you how do you expect other people to? And if you can't stand to be alone and enjoy your own company how can you expect others to? Before you even consider a relationship you should be considering if you're happy with yourself. This is slightly different from my first point because this is less about being someone worth dating and more about being someone worth being.
You can't feed off every one else's happiness. You can't depend on others to make you a better person. You can't lean on your girlfriend or boyfriend and let them make you feel good about yourself. You need to do that all on your own before you even consider getting involved in a relationship. It's simple but it's more than just extremely hard to do so it's going to take a lot of effort, a lot of work. A lot of people don't love themselves.
"Before you jump right in and start trying to date people, make sure you're happy with you."A lot of people can't handle being single. And that's not so much problematic as it just makes for bad relationships when you finally get into them. Trust me, I know. I've had a string of relationships that depended on him making me happy and me feeding off of him and needing to be with him, and all of it derived from me not loving myself and not being a good person. Needless to say they didn't work out.
So before you jump right in and start trying to date people, make sure you're happy with you and you can maintain a functioning, happy, working single life. Oh, and when you do get that relationship- don't drop all that stuff, keep working at it, and keep your friends and family around, it's really easy to let them go once you have a relationship but don't... It's not worth it and it will put too much pressure on your significant other to be your everything. BUT that's a point for another article.
I hope you all learned something and I hope you all enjoyed the article (and the others I referenced). Please know that I'm not insulting you or yelling at you I'm just... telling it straight, saying things as bluntly as possible because sometimes you just need to hear the long and short of it however it sounds. It's nothing personal it's just the truth the way I see it and I hope you learned from this article.
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