How Do you Turn Down a Boy?

[fluttershy_cutie]

"There's a boy at school, and he's really weird. Nobody really likes him. He makes weird snorting noises. I always have to sit next to him. Today he asked me out. I don't want to hurt his feelings, What do I do? - Scared to Say No!

Unless you've got a heart like a turnip, turning somebody down isn't easy to do. But you don't want to get stuck in a relationship that makes you unhappy just because you didn't have the nerve to speak up for yourself either. It's got to be said. So say it right.

Use your manners:

You can turn down a boy's invitation the way you'd turn down any other invitation. Give him your attention and use polite words: "I'm sorry, but I'm busy after school."

Be honest, direct, and firm:

"No, I'm sorry. You're nice guy, but I don't want to be your girlfriend" is better than "Uh, I don't know, I don't think so right now, you know, maybe. Sorry" You don't want to leave him confused. Don't say you want to be friends unless you do.

You owe a boy respect- you don't owe him yes:

If a boy keeps hanging around when you wish he wouldn't, talk to him with stronger language: "I've said no, and you should accept that. You are embarrassing me and bullying me. I don't like it. You have to stop.

[kwb85]

Not just boys. ANYONE. Men, Women, we all have feelings and they all will get hurt if someone turns you down. Turning down a guy has the same aftertaste like vice-versa.

But I ask myself, is there not a possibility to learn a lot of valueable lessons in these situations? I have received and given my share of turn-downs. When I got turned down, I felt terrible. When I had to turn someone down, I felt terrible.

What I learned out of these experiences:

If I get turned down:
"Damn, hurts like hell! But I will get over it. It's not the end of the world. Live life and let go of that person." (easier said than done, but it IS possible). Wounds heel - end of story.

If I have to turn someone down:
I would acknowledge the persons guts to tell me honestly how she felt towards me. I would express my appreciation by thanking the person for her kind words. I then would tell the person, since she was honest with me, that I will be honest with her and that I do not feel the same way and that I hope she can accept that. I would also point out, that I have no intention what so ever to hurt her feelings (witch will be hurt a little, but that's just how it is). After that I would slowly but surely end the conversation in a polite manner, so that she can digest my decision.

[MonkeyGM]

Be direct and straightforward. It will definitely hurt him but better than not giving him and him thinking you might change your mind. I went through something like that when she didn't give me an answer. It was really painful and an honest and direct answer would have been better

[zagor]

Unless you overexplain and say "you're just too ugly and weird" or something like that.

[NurseStacy]

Being direct and firm may hurt, but trust me you are helping him more than you think.
You are helping him deal with the fact that he won’t always hear the answers he wants from girls.
Learning to accept rejection helps to grow and develop in life.

[fluttershy_cutie]

That scenario is an example that didn't happen to me.

[KristaGrym]

Poor guy... he is suffering bullying and you are more worried to say no to his date...

[fluttershy_cutie]

That was just an example, that did not actually happen.

[Guy13]

Pretty insightful for an 18 year-old. Some people never figure this out and wonder why life is so disorganized and scattered emotionally. Good Job !!

[TangBang69]

I think people are too easily offended these days. Just say it, tell him no if you don't want to go out with him, you're then being honest & direct. You definitely have no obligation to appease him just because he likes you & the longer you wait to say it the more you potentially borderline leading him on to make the let down hurt even more. To be butthurt in the first place is telltale of some insecurity issues.
That is actually common with guys, enough so to be why you are hesitant to decline.
Funny yet sad, I've asked girls out who reacted this way until I tell them it's cool lol, I'm not insecure so I'm not offended by rejection, & it doesn't make things awkward or change our friendship. All questions remain forever without answers until the question is in fact, asked.
A kick in the groin, smack in the face & called a creep all in one motion is still an answer that is much better than forever wondering & not knowing.
But you know, it speaks volumes of a guy's intent with the girl he likes soooo much & says how wonderful she is... until she rejects him then suddenly she's a dumb b**ch & a wh**e. Really?

[Anonymous]

As someone that’s heard a lot of reasons why women can’t date me, I wanted to be the person who replies back as the person defending the guy that you’re attempting to figure out the nicest way possible in order to pulverize his heart. Anything else about him we should know, introverted, is he autistic? If he’s not safe, then yes please use better judgement. But if he has little quirks, or you don’t want to be embarrassed around your friends, then it’s more a reflection of you not really caring about him. I’m still getting rejected, I just recently got over proposing to someone a few years ago. I’m so desensitized by it all that the only pain I feel is maybe an occasional time of stress, severe depression. He may not be there yet, but it’s possible that if he doesn’t find someone to appreciate him now, he may never feel appreciated at all later growing up.
You’re in control to say yes or no. Use good judgement and be polite with him. He may try to ask you out again. Use manners, be direct, be firm. But at the same time be understanding, he may bounce back and get over it, or he may never get over it at all.

[KaraMcNulty]

There are plenty of ways to be compassionate, kind and save a person from being hurt.
You only have to explain that you're not attracted to them, but you wish them the very best and hope they find someone who is right for them.

They can't force you to be with them and if you are nice enough, they usually handle it well.
Of course, being rude, aggressive or telling the person there's something wrong with them. Or even saying why you don't like them isn't very nice and it only makes you look bad in the end. If you want them to feel bad about you, as well as being hurt, then this would surely guarantee it.

So be nice, respectful and don't ever be afraid to say how you are feeling.
Then more you linger, the more you give off the impression there is a chance with you, and you don't want to be the person leading someone on.

[SugarLeaf]

I'm not even that goodlooking, but I've had to turn down some people. The first time you say it, it might look like you also feel guilty and hurt for doing that to someone, but everyone needs to understand that the feelings won't aways be mutual and they must know the other's space. If the person insists, you can even say you are dating and even make your older brother or cousin pretend to be your boyfriend. Works just fine.

[Anonymous]

Just be like, "I would, but... you're super gross. Actually... would you mind backing away from me? You're making me nauseous. Thank you! *turns to friend and talks intentionally loud enough so that he can hear* Oh my god, isn't that guy soooo weird? I can't believe he thought I might be interested. What a loser!"

Jk, I don't know just be honest and kind. As long you do that, you'll be fine.

[ConnorH]

I recommend just saying "I appreciate the courage it took to ask me out, but I'm sorry to tell you that I don't think of you the same way"

[fluttershy_cutie]

It is just an example that actually didn't happen to me.

[ConnorH]

Oh ok

[GreatBigCircles]

A direct and honest rejection is always the best. Better to hurt a bit now, than drop a year worth of misunderstanding on his foot later.

[ThorJunior19287]

Just tell him thank you, your so nice I appreciate it. I already have a guy I like though. I'm really falling for him!

[fluttershy_cutie]

That didn't happen to me it was just an example, but thank you for your input.

[KaraMcNulty]

So, lie, basically?
Not something I'd do, but then we all have our ways of doing things.
I much prefer to be upfront, honest and polite about it.

[Intactivist500]

Tell the boy "my parents won't let me date anyone" even if they don't care or actually encourage to date boys.

[24PaR906]

well i am in the same position i like this boy as a friend and he wants to be more than that so i just told him we needed to just be friends and you should try it it might help

[fluttershy_cutie]

It is just an example, but if that does happen to me I will use your advice.

[litty]

You don't owe them respect either. Especially if they ask knowing you have a boyfriend

[comicstudio]

Don't drag it on for months, it's gonna be painful for you and it's gonna be messy for him. Rip the bandaid 😅 it's gonna feel better in the long run