What Not to Do When Rejecting a Guy

[theatreguy]

I know that it can be hard to reject somebody who's asked you out. I've had to do it. I just want to give my opinion on what to do, and more importantly, what not to do when rejecting a guy. This probably goes the same for women, but since I'm a guy I'm writing from a guy's point of view. Anyway, here are some tips to save face and let him down easily.

1) Don't ignore him.

If a guy ever asks you out on a date over text, facebook, etc. whatever you do, don't ignore him! This is probably the worst thing you can do. I've had plenty of experience with this. I don't really enjoy asking girls out through technology, but sometimes it has to be done because I won't get the chance to talk to them in person for a while. I can't even begin to describe the feeling of waiting for a messege that isn't coming. It never leads to anything good.

2) Don't leave him on the hook.

If you're rejecting a guy by saying something like "I can't right now." that little "right now" gives the guy false hope because he believes that there is a chance if he waits. This makes it really hard for the guy to move on, and he'll probably keep bugging you about it.

3) Don't make fake excuses.

This can easily lead to number 2. Guys aren't stupid. If you keep using the same excuse, they're going to catch on and realize that you're lying. It's an insult to the guy.

4) Always be honest.

I know it's hard to be honest sometimes, but trust me, any guy would rather hear the truth than have any of the above happen. I'm not saying be brutaly honest by telling them their ugly or anything. Just politely explain that you're not interested, whatever that may entail. Being polite and honest in you're rejection will always hurt less than many methods that use lying (or anything mentioned above) to avoid hurting the guy's feelings.

[Onyx277]

I would much rather have closure than excuses and being ignored. A guy I was with did that to me once to where he just kept making up excuses as to why he was too busy and answered my texts less and less to the point of not answering altogether. It hurt me really bad and I told him several times that I just wanted to know the truth and that I would leave him alone and not start any drama, still wouldn't tell me though. Now he is living in his home state according to his facebook, so he moved away.

[FatherJack]

A firm NO is fine , I have witnessed so many really nasty " FUCK OFF CREEP " style rejections whilst working as door staff , then the " girls " then heaped as much humiliation on these poor guys as possible. A lot of girls seem to get a huge kick out of being nasty bitches.

[bloodmountain1990]

Or the ones that build you up only to reject you.

[GoodManDave]

It's best to be honest (but like Theatreguy said, "not cruel" or "too blunt"), but I have an addition: If you DO fib for your excuse, at least be smart/careful enough to make that fib LOOK true - in that guy's presence. If "you're not ready for a relationship at the moment" or "you're too busy to date" don't hit on another guy (in front of the guy who asked you out) if you're both at a party 2 days later. Don't go blabbing on facebook about a new relationship two days later. Don't talk about a wonderful date with a guy who you went out with a day after "Mr Rejected" asked you out. "I'm seeing someone, and I kind of want to see how he and I work out" may be a kind way of saying no; and it's honest (to a point).

I've had both platonic friends and girls I've been interested in who have done really stupid stuff; like lied, then got caught in the obvious lie; One time, I invited a friend to a movie - told him the theater, the time, and the movie. "I'm sick, not feeling well; I'm throwing up." I went to the movie anyway (dummy should have known I was the type to go anyway), and I saw him with another mutual friend. If he lied, he should have gone to a late night movie, or another theater (even then, kind of a risk, but less; or invited the friend over to his house; I wouldn't have known and it would have been easy to cover up)

I had a girl claim she was ALWAYS busy (oh so busy) on Wednesday evenings. I'd periodically tell her where a group of us would be (I can't I'm BUSY) - Then I caught her at a restaurant she was "too busy" to go to on Wednesday night. I told her where we would be. The time - all that. She could have planned another restaurant, or earlier, and we wouldn't have known. That was just dumb.

I'm more annoyed if you lie and then you can't figure out how to cover up for the lie. If you DO fib, don't mess it up.

[theatreguy]

That's something else I was going to add in there. I've had a girl tell me she wasn't ready for a relationship. A week later she's walking around with a new boyfriend.

[bloodmountain1990]

I fully agree with number 2. People talk about how bad rejection is but honestly compared to being led on, it's nothing. Sure getting rejected sucks, but if they do it right away it's like ok I tried but didn't have a chance anyway, onto the next one.

If someone strings you along only to finally reject you, that hurts even more and you feel stupid for reading into their false hope. It's a waste of both their time and yours and they make you feel like you're a psycho or a pest for not reading their minds.

I see it as a parallel to my sales job. I do door to door sales and when a person rejects me right away, at least politley, i go onto the next one. Sucks, but it's part of it. When someone tells me they're interested and then I check up with them 3-4 more times (not in a row) and then by the 4th or 5th time they finally get pissed off and say I don't want it, leave and never come back. If they just said no in the first place then I could focus on making sales pitches who might actually be interested.

Such is life I guess.

[lumos]

This is such a hard thing to do, though. Some guys want 100% honesty, some guys want 50% honesty and 50% sugarcoating, and other guys want to hear an excuse because they can't handle having a girl tell them that they're not interested. Guys are so different when it comes to rejection, some become super sensitive and think that anything the girl says is rude and bitchy, even if any other normal person thinks she's polite. And some guys can handle any kind of rejection, rude or polite, because they just don't care. Like I've literally heard guys complain about a girl rejecting them too "rudely" when all she said was "sorry, not interested".

[Octavion]

That's an issue with that specific guy not you. You shouldn't concern yourself with their immaturity. They refuse to accept rejection so they try and make the girl seem bad. If they start being an ass just walk away and ignore them.

[lumos]

Yeah. I'm just saying, even though some girls follow your advice to a T, they still get shit for it. It's a shame :/

[Watermelonoma]

sorry we're so difficult xD

[Wintryamythyst]

I've had men get very angry at all 4 of those ways to let them down. So I started ignoring/ blocking ! It's less drama to deal with. I've even had them ague with me about not being interested in them and try to convince me why I should be interested. I did not want to say because you are ugly so it was just easier to ignore and block when they wouldn't take no for an answer with the more honest polite ways!

[thatonehomeschooler]

I've been rejected a lot (And it hurts a whole hell of a lot excuses or not) and while yes I'd rather hear the excuses and hang on that false hope just a bit longer its much healthier if you are just 100% honest. I don't take rejection very well but I get over faster if she's honest with me from the beginning. Each guy takes it different some are a-holes some get emotional while some play it off nonchalant like they don't care but if they asked you out they probably do and they deal with it in their own way but they'll get over it eventually.

[Bysshe]

@Wintryamythyst "So I started ignoring/ blocking !"

Do you tell them anything's up first or just cut all communication? I could understand blocking after you'd rejected him, but I think it's a bit rude to just suddenly ignore someone you've been seeing/talking to/dating.

[Octavion]

Yeah they do which sucks and they shouldn't have to put up with the dudes bitching. I'd be pissed if the situation was reversed and a girl tried to shame me if I didn't simply like her back. I would go from just politely rejecting them to full on telling them off about how full of themselves they were.

[Wintryamythyst]

@Bysshe , There is no prior talking / communicating. It's from an online dating site. I use to reply to each email with a polite rejection, but now If I'm not interested I just block! Sorry if you think that is rude, but I don't owe them anything and after trying to be polite only to get backlash for it I'm not exposing myself to that !

[Bysshe]

@Wintryamythyst Oh I misunderstood the context, I thought these might have been guys you'd actually met up with and been dating for a while. I guess it's polite to reply to online messages but not necessarily practical (I think some girls get inundated with contact), so I wouldn't call that rude.

[SilenRose]

"Always be honest"

Yeah, I've tried that. The guys will try to save face and act like they weren't trying to take that route. Super annoying. Best thing to say is no or no thanks and walk away. There are some guys who ask you why which makes it more awkward.

https://instagram.com/p/uHr6pxJK91/
https://instagram.com/p/uN5nvgpK2t/

[MistiGal]

OMG... Was that real silenrose? That's awful!!! I hope it wasn't intended for you?

[SilenRose]

Yeah they're real. One of the reasons I don't use dating apps. These were directed at other girls who use dating sites or Facebook. The Instagram account "byefelipe" was made to shame guys who can't take rejection and to also show how nasty things can get quick.

[koibito]

Ignoring sometimes work, actually. But it's not very respectful to ignore someone. So it should only be used if the guy didn't get your "no" the first 1-2 times around.

Sometimes "I can't right now" is also a reflection of the girl's feelings. Why must she say yes/no immediately? She should have an opportunity to think about it. There's no rush. If she decides to say "no" later, that's okay too. At least I gave her time to think, this is most definitely a "no" that is staying that way, no turn-abouts later, no regrets for me either.

Fake excuses is a statement of a person's character. Honesty is always preferred. When someone is honest I see their good side, and I will end up emphatising with them and feel for them more. I've gotten along very well with girls who were honest - I understood what they were feeling, the confusions they had, and we ended up being on good terms even if we didn't end up together.

[mistninja314]

Umm it's no SECRET that girls can CAST their FISHING RODS to see if we bite, then THROW back all of the ones that they don't NEED or don't LIKE, at no #RISKToThem

SO DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT THEY CARE, SINCE IT'S NOT THEM BUT YOU IN THE END, probably not right? (Yeah I'm generalizing I know) i1127.photobucket.com/.../...om-add-text%201_8.gif

[OverThinks]

Okay i feel real bad, i've done all of those things especilly number one, that's my number one ha. Though there have been times i've straight up said no. I think it depends on my mood when i'm talking to them eh. Some of the guys are just sooo nice and i really don't want to hurt their feelings but i will stop doing those things now. I mean i normally try to be honest but i won't try, i will be.

I will be completely honest from now on! No more excuses, no more false hopes and definitly no more ignoring! It's only fair.

[Anonymous]

Well, I always stay honest to guys, and since they are always my friends, I try to make them feel better, and never let awkwardness enter into our friendly conversations.
But... I hate the whole ignoring part. Like, how can someone ignore the person who just confessed? I confessed to my guy friend, and he just blocked me! I literally begged him to be honest and better be straightforward because I know he has rejected me, but at least reject the person in a more straightforward manner as it would be much appreciated! Then also he ignored me -.- Oh well! It shows you as nothing more than an immature young person who can't handle someone's feelings towards you :)

[Marihorror]

Eh, I agree with all of them except one. Asking someone out through text/facebook is super lame. I've have experience with this (but it was a girl who asked me out) and I told her that I wouldn't have conversations like that over text, and that if she wanted an answer then she'd have to ask in person then left it at that.

[SilenRose]

Yes really lame. Just as lame as breaking up with someone through text or social media.

[theatreguy]

I'm against asking out over text as well. The difference between what you did and what I said not to do is that you still acknowledged her. I've been around plenty of girls who simply ignore the message all together just to avoid the situation.

[YourFutureEx]

I second this. Good take.

Simply make such face and say:
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[aficionado]

I don't suppose most women would even give a thought about the guy when rejecting him. Not saying they're obliged to date every man who asks them out, but it's certainly not 'hard' for them to reject him. Why should it be hard? Someone else will ask her out anyway.

Rejecting guys left and right is a routine for most girls anyway. They don't really bother about HOW they reject guys, and considering the options they have, they don't even need to.

[Poppykate]

I had a little think about it. When I am single, I can't remember saying no to a guy who sincerely asked me out. (And the guy who yelled across a crowded room 'hey hot stuff, wanta date? ' doesn't count. I look at it this way, I would rather spend Saturday/ Friday night out, getting to know someone new, and experiences new things/ food/ places, than sitting at home or washing my hair.

[lumos]

You really think most girls get asked out left and right? We don't. Most girls I know have gotten formally asked out like once (myself included). And like poppykate pointed out, catcalls don't count.

[CincinnatiRedsfan]

@aficionado I agree, women reject men all the time, especially women in their 20's.

[Anonymous]

While I recognise that girls are generally well intentioned with this type of thing, trying not to hurt the guy's feelings and so on, it is definitely annoying when they do it. It's best for the guy (and the girl) if she rejects him clearly (but politely) and does it straight away instead of taking her time or sugar coating it.

I don't agree with 4. though. Honesty isn't always necessary, she just needs to clearly reject him without delay, if she feels the need to lie (about something) in the process then that's fine.

[lusciousB]

What if you're always busy and not really rejecting the guy but he interprets it as such and stops talking to you? I've had it happen before, not sure how to convey interest when I really do work all the time - I'm a Dr. and still learning the work life balance thing.

[theatreguy]

I'd say you need to explain that your work schedule is really busy, but that you'd like to at some point. The exact same thing happened to me the other day. A girl said she was really busy, but she wanted to do something the next week once things cleared up. Hope I helped.

[Falling4UTC]

Whenever people used to ask me out I accidentally gave them hope. Had a crush on one guy who gave me false hope and never replied to my messages so I promised myself I'd never do that to someone again. Now whenever someone likes me but it isn't mutual I am nice but make it known I do not like them at all

[spuitkaas]

Great take! Unfortunately it's easier said than done. I hate to reject guys and sometimes I still fall for the "but maybe there's a chance I could ever like him", because there's not.

[KidInk4]

You never know...

[Smelborp]

My ex-girlfriend wouldn't do anything with me because she was being lied to by her family that all teen guys were immature, so she just kept saying she was busy with the most random things that no normal person of this era would do. And even though we go to the same school she could only find time to talk to me by texting. So one day I was planning to take her to our state park and she agreed to go a few days before, then out of nowhere she brakes up with me over a text and it makes it very awkward because we are in the same marching band. So does anyone know what could make it less awkward?

[ManaX]

I'm guilty of the ignoring thing. Apart from that I don't make it easy for guys I don't want to ask me out, to ask me out. I tend to leave the length and depth of our relationship/connection/fling to decide how much (if any) of an explanation they deserve.
Even then I swing between little to no explanation to brutal honesty and straight up saying I don't want to see 'you' anymore. I don't think it worth trying to pretend to be friends so I don't give that option either.

[badger25]

Yep totally agree with this for both guys and girls. If a girl starts to blow you off its not always easy to determine if she is playing hard to get or is saying I'm not interested. Just say straight up Im not interested, please leave me alone.

cause getting upset with being ignored then upset because someone lost interest blows

[Cherryblossomdrop]

Well. I'm spoken for but guys approach me all the time, it got so bad i started wearing a wedding band on my left finger seriously just so i wouldn't have to deal with that, and let me tell you, the ring doesn't even cut it with some guys.

[letsfixit]

Guys.. make the girls like you.. we are not the coolest or most handsome men in the world but you can make it happen.. its easier said than done.. exert some more effort its not a buffet.. if you want good meal you need to order.. you need to prepare not point finger and just say your mine already.. it is the reality..

[CincinnatiRedsfan]

You can't make girls like you. They either do or they don't.

[letsfixit]

@CincinnatiRedsfan Yes you can.. if you dont have the face and body you still have your attitude bro.. its like your sayin that if somebody is pointing a gun at you the only choice is his, either he pull the trigger or not? You won't fight for you life?

[CincinnatiRedsfan]

You can be physically attractive to a girl, wealthy, AND have a great personality, but if she doesn't LIKE you, she doesn't like you.

And with the gun comparison, yes, that person will either pull the trigger or not...