Confidence, what women and girls mean


What girls say

When you ask a girl what the secret is to getting a girl usually they'll say one of two things; be nice, or be confident. To most of us right away this comes off as annoying and a lot of the time unhelpful. "What do they mean", We ask. "But being nice doesn't work" we say. Well based on some of my experiences and what i've been told. I just want to clean all that up.

How it hit me

I was in lunch talking to a good female acqaintence of mine about her total stud muffin of an uncle. When I asked what he was like personality-wise, she said 5 words that rocked the foundation of what I "knew" that girls wanted: "He's cocky but he's not".

What that means

At first tbh I had no idea. But then I started to make comparisons. I looked at all the girls that had liked me in the past and it hit me. When she said "He's cocky" she was refering to internal cockiness, and when she said "but he's not" she was saying he didn't have any external cockiness. Ok let me explain. If you look at any online guide to getting a girl most of them say the same thing, women are phsycic. What that means is that even if you're acting all cool on the outside, if you're doubting yourself inside, they'll sense it immidiately. This definently played a part in the few times I got a girl to like me.

Looking back, when I spoke to them, I just wasn't considering the possibility of failure. When I spoke to them the thought of not getting them to like me wasn't in my head at all. Like this one time I was walking around the raisers at a football game when I saw this really cute girl. So I walked up to her, said "You're cute" and walked away. Later when I saw them again her friend turned to me and said "She doesn't know you", so I turned to her and I said "I don't care" and walked off. later I noticed her in school and she showed signs of liking me and taking extra effort to talk to me. Now what's important about this is that when I said "You're cute" there wasn't a lobe in my brain saying "omg you're gonna fail hard". I was so confident that this girl was going to end up liking me that I didn't even think about the possibility of being rejected. And once again, like I said, she picked up on that and she liked me.

The next important part was that i was not mean or perverted about it. So I was Internally cocky, but not Externally cocky. And that's what women mean when they say they like confidence and also what they mean when they say that they hate cockiness. What they're saying is that they love a guy who is cocky on the inside (confidence) but don't like it when a guy is cocky on the outside (arrogance). Here is a list of the kinds of guys from a dating perspective going from highest to lowest attractiveness:

The cool guy: Cocky on the inside, nice on the outside. These are the rarest kinds of guys. These guys are able to be very strong and confident without being and ass or flirting in a way that will get him in legal trouble.

The bad boy: Cocky on the inside, cocky on the outside. These are more common than the cool guy but less so than the other two. While he gives off an attractive aura, he is also a dickweed. These guys are often potrayed by the media to be the pinnicle of male perfection even though they are actually second to the cool guy.

The nice guy: Insecure on the inside, nice on the outside. Most guys fall into this catagory. They are nice yet their aura is depressing and dull so they don't get many women. This combination ranks him above the last guy but far below the bad and cool guy.

The bitter guy: Insecure on the inside, cocky on the outside. These are the second most common guys. Most of these are former nice guys who try to be bad boys. They have the least attractive combo of aura to behavior and such only the dumbest girls are fooled by them.


Confidence, what women and girls mean.

Confidence, what women and girls mean
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Anonymous
    Women dont know what real confidence looks like. So many guys fake it and other are confident but reall shouldn't be as they are future losers with little prospects. I am very successful but not always confident because I know the odds and the competition, but yet I am a 1% now, got the big breasted blue eyed blonde and have had a great life... Just wasn't always confident. Sounds arrogant? Yeah I get that too. But I know who I am, more of a lone wolf, competitive and dont care about getting approval like an alpha male so called type who I veiw as weak since they need approval.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Girl

  • bunnyy
    The problem with self proclaimed "nice guys" is that they are very insecure and usually are not even nice at all they just say "You should like me I'm SOOO nice" but in reality they are jerks and never prove their supposed "niceness". Very unpleasant people to be around!
    Is this still revelant?
    • Nice annoying needy guys. Perfect husband material for ya lol.

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • LittleSally
    Kinda true...
    Although it's not so much cocky as it is self assured - or rather not really that analytic so as to make yourself over think everything and fail before you start.

    Yep, yep - I get where you were going with it.

    Yes, the 'cool guys' are obviously the best [of the types you described]. It's just a shame that all I meet is bitter guys - hate them.
  • Frost_Byte
    All my life i was the "nice guy", but after i learned that girls manipulated "nice guys" (through a bad break up) i hav been the "bitter guy". I guess what i need to do now is learn how to become the "cool guy" without taking any wrong turns and becoming the "bad boy". If anyone has any suggestions on how to build internal confidence without becoming a "bad boy", please let me know!
    • Battooot

      how to become confident; you automatically become confident when you are satisfied with yourself. So the key is to become satisfied with yourself. So how do you do that you ask? here's how..
      Ask yourself why are you not satisfied with your self and try to be HONEST with yourself. Once you know why, tackle that reason and try to fix it.

      One of the reasons why i wasen't satisfied with myself was because i was weak and and was scared to stand up for myself and get into a fight. I fixed that by getting myself stronger, working out, i play a lot of sports so that helped a lot too, and promised myself to stand up to anyone who makes me feel less than what i am no matter how scared i am from them.

    • Frost_Byte

      I am slightly overweight, so most of my insecurities come from this. I dont think it would be a huge problem for other people, hav severe perfectionist-itis. Even though i lost 40 lbs in 3 months i feel like my body is never good enough for me.

    • Frost_Byte

      It meant to say that i hav severe perfectionist-itis... lol

  • PiuBelloAmante
    lets thank that uncle!!!
    lol i think girls can sense when i have a little doubt in me
    it sucks cause i can't read them like they read me lol!
    great take!

    in the future girls will come with instruction labels
    until then i will be cocky but not really
  • S3xyS0rc3r3r
    That's a great take I think. I have realized i have potential to be the "cool guy" because i have a "cocky side" inside me, but I suppress it most of the times like Ichigo and Hollow Ichigo in Bleach lol
  • spuitkaas
    This is somewhat true, however, don't get too much cocky on the inside, because you could be the effortless guy. So a guy who let the girl walk after him and doesn't give signals at all. There should be a balance. We girls are difficult...
  • xcassiopeia
    Someone should make this in girl version haha. It's true though. I've seen them all.

    And while you're trying to make someone fall in love with you, you fail. Just relax~
  • PT1911
    What your story translates to: dont give a flying fuck at first. Just say hi or in your case "you're cute" and whatever happens happens.

    Confidence is living your life literally not caring what others think and being happy with or without somone

    Great take.
  • KBob93
    I love your analysis on how cockiness can work for you or against you. Confidence vs. Arrogance is a definite target for whether you'll make it or break it with girls.
  • Scrambled
    David De Angelo. Pick Up Artist. Cocky Funny technique. Apparently it does work wonders. Going to try out one of his scripts soon.
  • username1111
    Oh wow. this is soo true. When I talk to a girl with out even thinking of getting her to like me she falls for me. amd when I actually try to get her to like me I fail lol. thanks for opening my eyes
    • Wow I never thought I would meet somebody similar to me. That's why 99% of time I end up just attracting girls that I'm no interested

  • Nodramaqueen
    Lol was there a question here? If not I mean that's ok it was a good read anyways...
  • luvme56
    You explained it... so correctlt that i am gonna follow you! :)
  • bloodmountain1990
    Sounds about right. A lot of it has to do with body language and non verbal cues too.
  • G_Stranger
    Food for thought
  • watashiwahanadesu
    Great job!
  • Haifisch
    Didn't read lel.
  • Anonymous
    It explains pretty much why I am attracted to a particular guy. He is the cool one. lol. He is sooooooo sweet and nice, but can be quite cocky with the devil may care attitude. But he is really helpful, thoughtful, caring and kind. Though his cocky attitude adds a magic touch to his personality. Moreover, he is not a pervert at all.
    You are band on with your observation. Being nice doesn't always mean being a loser. There should be a certain type of charm and confidence to attract you.
  • Anonymous
    That's what I did to my boyfriend lol When I first met him I knew he was going to be the one, but there is a caveat to this approach. When you are together, and think they won't do anything, because you've got confidence... that is when something totally off the wall happens that yi u would have never expected them to do. It can destroy your confidence and have you acting clingy. It's unfortunate, but it happens when you don't expect to lose.