What girls say
When you ask a girl what the secret is to getting a girl usually they'll say one of two things; be nice, or be confident. To most of us right away this comes off as annoying and a lot of the time unhelpful. "What do they mean", We ask. "But being nice doesn't work" we say. Well based on some of my experiences and what i've been told. I just want to clean all that up.
How it hit me
I was in lunch talking to a good female acqaintence of mine about her total stud muffin of an uncle. When I asked what he was like personality-wise, she said 5 words that rocked the foundation of what I "knew" that girls wanted: "He's cocky but he's not".
What that means
At first tbh I had no idea. But then I started to make comparisons. I looked at all the girls that had liked me in the past and it hit me. When she said "He's cocky" she was refering to internal cockiness, and when she said "but he's not" she was saying he didn't have any external cockiness. Ok let me explain. If you look at any online guide to getting a girl most of them say the same thing, women are phsycic. What that means is that even if you're acting all cool on the outside, if you're doubting yourself inside, they'll sense it immidiately. This definently played a part in the few times I got a girl to like me.
Looking back, when I spoke to them, I just wasn't considering the possibility of failure. When I spoke to them the thought of not getting them to like me wasn't in my head at all. Like this one time I was walking around the raisers at a football game when I saw this really cute girl. So I walked up to her, said "You're cute" and walked away. Later when I saw them again her friend turned to me and said "She doesn't know you", so I turned to her and I said "I don't care" and walked off. later I noticed her in school and she showed signs of liking me and taking extra effort to talk to me. Now what's important about this is that when I said "You're cute" there wasn't a lobe in my brain saying "omg you're gonna fail hard". I was so confident that this girl was going to end up liking me that I didn't even think about the possibility of being rejected. And once again, like I said, she picked up on that and she liked me.
The next important part was that i was not mean or perverted about it. So I was Internally cocky, but not Externally cocky. And that's what women mean when they say they like confidence and also what they mean when they say that they hate cockiness. What they're saying is that they love a guy who is cocky on the inside (confidence) but don't like it when a guy is cocky on the outside (arrogance). Here is a list of the kinds of guys from a dating perspective going from highest to lowest attractiveness:
The cool guy: Cocky on the inside, nice on the outside. These are the rarest kinds of guys. These guys are able to be very strong and confident without being and ass or flirting in a way that will get him in legal trouble.
The bad boy: Cocky on the inside, cocky on the outside. These are more common than the cool guy but less so than the other two. While he gives off an attractive aura, he is also a dickweed. These guys are often potrayed by the media to be the pinnicle of male perfection even though they are actually second to the cool guy.
The nice guy: Insecure on the inside, nice on the outside. Most guys fall into this catagory. They are nice yet their aura is depressing and dull so they don't get many women. This combination ranks him above the last guy but far below the bad and cool guy.
The bitter guy: Insecure on the inside, cocky on the outside. These are the second most common guys. Most of these are former nice guys who try to be bad boys. They have the least attractive combo of aura to behavior and such only the dumbest girls are fooled by them.