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Why you (women) don't get approached or asked out (Page 2)
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I thought this was gonna be a bashing on women, but I was wrong.
And aww I didn't know guys waited for girls to come over to them, I'm always waiting for them to talk to me
I used to have this thing where guys would stare at me from across the room but totally ignore me if I was nearby - ? and one time one of them walked up behind me as if he was trying to pass me and "accidentally" grabbed my waist for a second with both hands but then ignored me when I was like oh excuse me (or hi or something - guess I thought he was finally making some kind of move). some kind of explanation, someone?
I finally just sat down with one of the starers and talked and he smiled awkwardly like the whole time but didn't do anything further.
or my coworker seems normal and friendly but during work meetings if I happen to look at him I often find him staring at me.
yet I have a long history of guys not approaching me.
@gray_sailor further context - still confused by this behavior years later (the coworker thing is current).
Its annoying.
@Bards I'm still confused much later - not sure if they were afraid or what
Asker any ideas?
I get that at school sometimes. They act weird when they are flirting or attempting to. I think they are nervous and try to cover it up.
@Bards what do you think of the dude who grabbed me? (other than I should've smacked him).
For example yesterday I was walking in the hallway (was lunch time so the building was pretty empty) and someone says "hi beautiful" and I turned my head and both the two boys are both silent and just staring at me (i have no idea which one said it). It was awkward and I didn't say anything, I just kept going. And then they laughed a little and spoke among themselves somewhat. It's not the first time either. I felt a little bad for not saying "hi" back but they way they went about it was weird and on top of that I'm shy.
When guys flirt with me it's usually weird and awkward but I'm in high school and these guys are usually freshmen or some grade below me (I'm a senior). Immature I guess.
The girls who are more friendly and social have better luck I assume. I honestly dont know how these kids get into relationships in high school.
wow and this was in college, you would think they'd be over that by then
and these were the attractive jock guys too @Bards
Seriously? Lol I guess jocks aren't all that "alpha" then.
But guys won't necessarily change much from high school to college in their tactics in flirting I guess. The time frame is too short.
maybe I wasn't "popular" enough @Bards although I was super social I don't know. clearly I was just intimidating attractive hahaha I doubt it (maybe idk) but something seemed to scare them.
You have the stigma of not asking guys out over your head while you have them "flirting" with you in the weirdest of ways.
It's too much to deal with sometimes lol being single is a mix of simplicity and loneliness.
@Bards I did ask them to dances but that was about all. they never asked me out (or almost never).
That's a real possibility. Did they know you were smart? That could also be a thing. Sometimes people won't approach because they will assume they aren't good enough/not on your level.
@barts do you mean did they think of me as the brainiac?
uh... well... this was at Harvard so I guess but so were they...
@Bards wrong tag my bad
About the guy who grabbed you. He was being dumb. I don't think he really meant anything bad. But he was out of line.
@Bards yeah that's what I thought about him and did you see the response to the smart thing?
Okay there's a lot of girls around who they might fancy more than you even if you are good looking. And popularity can def be a factor in this.
Well just because you both go to the same college doesn't mean they are as smart right? They got accepted for descent grades and scores and because they have a sport talent? I'm not an expert lol just assuming
@Bards good point and as for grades etc. I was way up there grades-wise, thank God, and actually my very popular jock friend described me as intimidating and someone who "makes men feel weak" (uhh)
They might of thought you to be smarter than them
@Bards sigh I still don't get why that's such a big deal and where should I look, MIT?
Lol there's your proof then
Good looking+smart=scary
I get like that too. It is intimidating.
@Bards get like what? also thanks for the help!
@Bards also what if everyone knew me as super friendly?
For example If I see a guy I like and I notice he's better at something than me like being social, I'll be intimidated because I'll be thinking "can I keep his attention, what if I'm boring?" and while I'm thinking about that I'll add my looks into the equation and who I see him around and what they mean to him for no reason because I'm doubting myself.
And no prob.
If everyone knew you as super friendly then it could improve your chances of getting asked out
@Bards ohhhh ok that's what I thought.
I still don't think I'm all that gorgeous lol
@Bards I knew almost everyone and was super outgoing
Hmmm, I wish we could read minds. But what is MIT?
@Bards Massachusetts institute of technology
Lol no need to down grade. (no offense ofc to MIT..)
Have you ever gone out with anyone?
@Bards hahaha MIT is basically equivalent to harvard, just more science focused.
and no.
Omg ok lolo. Eh same. Just because people think you're pretty doesn't mean you'll get into relationships easy or anything :s
Obviously you'll get with a cool dude eventually.
@Bards I hope so, God willing. I've been super confused for a long time about guys.
I appreciate the help!
Well approaching men should become more socially acceptable nowadays. Traditional roles like the woman being responsible for keeping the home clean, taking care of the kids and cooking have gone by the wayside , so why not the traditional role of men being expected to make the 1st move? Women can pursue education, careers, lifelong dreams etc, but when it comes to dating they want to play a traditional role... Women have it made. They can demand equal rights and salary, but a man still has to pay for me. Very selfish nature.
The media has instilled in our heads that rejection is bad. I've approached guys and got rejected before and that's fine, such as life. I wouldn't stop just from a few bad experiences and misreading body language. Fuck it. YOLO.
I'm the worst at reading body language. But I'm slowly getting better.
Go with your gut. If you feel it's right then do it! Even if she looks fuckin pissed, you can put a smile on her face. Women don't have to be that complicated. I have been angry and guys made attempts to make me laugh while flirting and it worked! No lie.
One thing is getting rejected a few times but getting rejected nonstop a lot is a different thing, Ugly people like myself have to deal with it nonstop.
I just saw a photo of you and you're NOT ugly. So chill lol.
This was really helpful and insightful. Good take :)
This is basically me, when I try to approach a guy. Those are exactly my thoughts.
*slow clap*
YES. This answers so many of the questions girls have, like why he won't approach me, why would he stare at me (and then look away), etc etc etc. All this shit races through our heads and when confronted with a cute girl we go to pieces because we know what's at risk.
Not a bad take, but I've been approaching girls forever now and it has not worked at all. I still haven't been laid or had a girlfriend. I go after 90% of a girls too, I'm the least pickiest guy I know. Girls in or age group are stuck up for the most part and only date wealthy men.
Women are approaching now but they only do it to wealthy men.
The next challenge is to let go of expectation. Be self amusing and let your inner self shine. Perhaps you're trying too hard to appeal to women. Perhaps not enough sexual tension to get their minds flowing towards what you want (not even just for sex mind you.)
See, I don't agree with the notion of trying too hard. You can NEVER try too hard on anything.
But you can come off as desperate and needy which what makes women turned away and creeped out.
Well pretty much every guy is desperate, so with that logic, women wouldn't be dating men at all.
Men who have a lot of women on speed dial aren't desperate. They instead have an abundance of women to pick from so they don't need any specific one.
You have to come into a feeling of abundance other than lack. Else you're trying to leech value from women instead of coming into a place of giving off value.
The only guys I know who get girls that easily are the wealthy men.
He is exactly right. Showing what you have to offer instead and seeing yourself as valuable is a great step. If you case after every girl you encounter you come off as desperate or a player. Either way the girl is turned off
@TrueSweetness724 But how can a girl POSSIBLY know I chase after every girl? Even if I went after the 50th girl that day, she wouldn't know she was my 50th. She would maybe assume she was the first.
Just the vibe of the approach. It becomes automatic after So many rejections. I understand it is compleatly natural to pull away after so Many rejections, but it would seem like a guy wasn't invested in the conversation we were having. Don't go after the snooty girls at the club. Go after the shy quiet girl reading a book at Starbucks or something.
@TrueSweetness724 Well the snooty girls are in the library and the easy going ones are in the clubs... but anyway...
Girls our age are gold diggers for the most part. All they care about it money anymore.
Trust me... the key is to approach women for fun, not to approach as a means to an end.
Women can sense when u are talking to them because you enjoy their company, vs talking to them just because u want something (aka, sexual play).
@Prof_Don Women don't sense anything. If that was the case, than why do so many women admit they thought a guy was serious, when he turned out to be someone for play? It happens all the time.
What the hell did I just read? Geez grow a pair and say hi, takes hints to whether or not you're welcomed. If not buzz off, if so continue. It's that simple.
Is that you OP
www.theweeklings.com/.../baby-crying-450.jpg
Yes!! Thank you!! It's not that hard to read the difference between a woman who is interested and a woman who is not.
Pretty much if a woman complains about this, ask her why she won't make the first move.
After every reason she gives, add to the end of it "If he doesn't like you, it could be considered harassment, and all of his friends will hear about how you disrespected him by approaching him when he wasn't interested."
That will make them understand.
A lady liked me - I could tell, and I liked her and I wanted to stand up and talk to her and tell her but I got a huge erection and I was really embarassed because it was in public. So I didn't stand up. So she just thought I didn't like her and I never saw her again.
*slow clap*
Stand with an Erection finding an excuse and once she notices youf Erection, sit down again and you will not t need a single word, she will know how much you like her.
This is exactly why every female opportunity must be pounced upon. You may never see that woman ever again!
well it doesn't help when you've got some feminists today making guys feel ashamed to even look at girls in any way that suggests you actually might be physically attracted to her =/
Feminists are ruining so much for us! :/
@BelleGirl21
when you add up the normal pressures that exist + the artificial ones added by some feminists... you have a situation where basically guys are incredibly afraid of approaching today in 2015. It's just not worth the potential bruising for most guys.
I think that's a big reason that online relationships are on the rise. You can "approach" someone more carefully.
@BelleGirl21
yup! I've thought the same thing for many years now.
Things like that street harassment video are trying to tell some guys that blatantly staring (like a few were doing in the video) is not ok. What they don't understand is the only people that will watch or care what is happening is the guys who already respect women enough to not stare like a creep but not those guys that knew how to moderate themselves are crapping themselves afraid of being charged with sexual harassment. So now the only people that will approach women are the ones who don't care if they're a creep or not.
@Octavion
well they've made their bed so i guess some of them have to sleep in it now... alone ^_^
Yeah but there will be women who had no part of this that will be victims of it to. All that's happened is the super innocent people are being fucked over more than the assholes. The nice people won't see it coming and they won't understand why they are only being approached by assholes now.
@Octavion
yeah, well despite all what some parts of feminism is trying to do with dating dynamics, im still in favour of guys approaching. Just need to be prepared for the day that you approach a feminist and have her cuss you out because she feels objectified that you approached her due to physical attraction outside of a party/club environment
No lie some of those quotes run through my mind most of the time I try to approach a guy and I'm a girl.
You make an effort though. Good on ya ^^
Thank you I try lol (: by the way I liked your take.
Next time I go out I'll test the water and approach a cute guy. Lol
You will be appreciated & welcomed !
For the girls...
If you want a guy to approach you, all it takes is making eye contact, keeping it, and smiling.
Given the millions of rejection scenarios that float through a guy's brain, this simple gesture will let us know it is safe to approach you. If you look away - as most girls will do - you're giving the message to fuck off.
Not for us uber shy guys
@FatherJack1980
Fortunately, there will always be a guy with the balls to make a move. For uber shy guys, that is their own problem to figure out. I doubt even the most obvious signs would make a shy guy do anything except freeze in his tracks.
The only reason why I don't approach girls is because of my crippling shyness.
I've even been in my college where a girl was about to sit down to study; looked at me and smiled a big smile as she sat down.
I thought "Bloody he**, she's friendly!"
Then when she was packing her bag and standing up she looked at me again and smiled, again broadly. And I thought "Bloody he**, she's beyond friendly!"
I can't say for certain what it is that she wanted - but all I know is that I was given a huge, flashing the-aircraft-is-coming-better-start-flashing-those-huge-lights-to-let-the-airplane-know-it's-safe-to-land green lights!!
And I totally failed to even say a shy, tumbling "Eerr... hello?" to her. I'm still kicking myself to this day.
This is accurate for the most part and I have told myself MANY of these things. Of course, this does not apply to girls you already know who you happen to develop a romantic interest in them but only with complete strangers who you see on occasion but have no idea how to approach them. Kudos for making this comprehensive list! I'm sure some girls will find this ridiculous but if they were in our shoes it would make complete sense.
Well, I mean... women will be the same way. They will think of a million reason thing that could go wrong so they don't approach guy. So who should just make the first move? I still think it up to the guy to SUCK IT UP and do it. It natural and expected.
I agree pursue what u want!
I agree. But I also agree that whoever is interested (man or woman) should make a move.
Wow, talk about over-thinking!. I'll definitely keep this in mind, insightful take :)
It's difficult to let it all go and learn to just simply be self-amusing, especially living in a culture that promotes being judgmental towards others and shunning out-of-the-box ideas.
Sometimes people just have too much anxiety to want their life to change at all. When I was 16 in high school there was this girl that I was incredibly attracted to and I knew for a fact she was super attracted to me as well and would have said yes immediately if I asked her out. I was still too scared to ever do it.
@Octavion
Yeah, me too, dude. I had that exact problem.
I don't know about all that but I hVe seen some of the most beautiful women at the gym and I'm afraid to approach because... Well because I know their at the gym to work out not be bothered... But they I've seen my friends do it and succeed... I won't do it though.. I just get my work out in and stay in my own thoughts of dinner, kissing, sweet words, etc... 😌 👍🏽 lol just kiddin