Why you (women) don't get approached or asked out (Page 3)

[kitty71]

That is in these modern times us women we can approach the guy instead of waiting eternity for them to do it so. we have to take a step up and do it ourselves

[aficionado]

Couldn't agree more. Those EXACT things go through my mind often, abd quite frankly I'm REALLY intimidated by women because I feel I feel I'm good enough for them and they'll reject/friendzone me anyway.

[aficionado]

*I'm not good enough

[gshowers]

You are always good enough. If you approach a girl and start talking and she has no interest she isn't for you. It doesn't mean you aren't good enough. I've noticed over the years that men are becoming more frightened of approaching women due to this reason, women have extremely high standards these days thanks to all The movie stars and so on. Maybe start by casually chatting to a girl in line at the super market etc.

[Silamy]

My attitude tends to be "well, I want something to happen, and SOMEONE has to make the first move". I don't understand why lack of confidence -in oneself, in one's ability to interpret signals, in the other person's availability is assumed to be the exclusive property of one gender. If you want something to happen, speak up, because no one can count on anyone else to make the first move for them.

[E_mily]

This is actually something I relate too 100%, but with men. I hope men realize we are often just as nervous.

[HowRUbBuddy]

you dont approach men , men approach you so its irrelevant

[dartmaul15]

well, with full respect, it seems men are the more ballsy, because at least they SOMETIMES approach you. Sorry, but any argument to why you don't dare to aks him out can be turned the other way too.

[E_mily]

@HowRUbBuddy how do you know I don't approach men? Or are you just assuming all women don't approach men

@dartmaul15 very true, I was just stating that women who do have the balls to approach men often go through the same thing.

[dartmaul15]

which is why i believe women are perfectly able to ask too. so both sides excusing not taking the initiative is just pussyfooting arround, instead of just jumping into it and asking.

[E_mily]

@dartmaul15 haha i like that word. "pussyfooting" I will use it often.
Yeah, but I wouldn't ever have the balls to do it. Women are perfectly capable, I am one of the one's who just knows how embarrassing I'd be. haha, I also have the old fashioned mentality that men should make the first move, but mores because I'm insanely clueless when it comes to "signs" and "signals"

[dartmaul15]

@E_mily you can't pick up signals, think it's embarrassing as hell, and are nervous. That's just about any guy out there! Seriously, we guys got a rep for not taking a hint unless she's waving a banner with "i think you're hot and want to date you" over her head XD
And even then we'd probably asume you meant it for that other guy over at the bar.

As I use to say it, if you don't have the guts to ask him/her, then why should you expect him/her to have the guts to ask you?

[E_mily]

Because they're the better looking ones. hahaha
Men are me.

[Hannah591]

I think of some of these when I want to approach someone and I end up not saying anything. I totally understand guys so I don't expect it!

[MosaicMind]

Well done, a lot of girls need to understand that guys are just as worrisome as they are.

Though I think the same things whenever I want to approach a guy. Everytime. 😪

[RationalLioness]

Then a lot of guys shouldn't complain about getting women or shouldn't simply settle into this negative thought process and think that women should approach them because they're too afraid to do it themselves.

But I understand that.

[Words_and_Wisdom]

You seem as if this is a conscious decision to think these thoughts. It isn't. 90% of the time it's habit, and 90% of the time people can't catch themselves thinking these thoughts or understand the impact it has on their lives.

[RationalLioness]

I used to be the SAME exact way when I was insecure. If people stopped as SOON as they recognize these thoughts as I did, they can change and have better results. I'm not speaking out of ignorance.

[YourFutureEx]

So girls, now you know that men = women.

Take owner defined his name once again.

[ManuelMarquez]

Dude, many women don't understand at how many guys don't approach because they know how many women react to ugly guys.

[Touglyforfemales]

Ding ding ding we have a winner.

[ManuelMarquez]

@Touglyforfemales yeah man

[Touglyforfemales]

HA HA HA thanks man

[ManuelMarquez]

@Words_and_Wisdom it is so dumb at how most females under 25 don't want to have a friendly convo with a guy that looks nerdy, even though it is just simple chit chat.

[Words_and_Wisdom]

@ManuelMarquez It sometimes isn't even about looking nerdy. Women have angst towards men in general.

[ManuelMarquez]

@Words_and_Wisdom many times it is about looking nerdy. Even my best friend who doesn't look nerdy has noticed this. He saw many women get annoyed when a nerdy looking guy has friendly convos with them, despite the fact they are talking about interesting things. He decided to a test, and approach a woman that seemed annoyed by a nerdy looking guy, and he decided to talk about the exact same thing the nerdy looking guy was talking about, and guess what? She had no problem talking with him. He approached the same way as the nerdy looking guy, and did everything the nerdy looking guy did.

[NateInAk]

I've never read anything more accurate in my entire life... :0

[Shaft50]

There are a lot of 'what if's' there... I found that doing away with all of the hypotheticals, as I too used to go through some of that thought process, I found that I became a bit more socially adept. After approaching a few girls, with no other motive than just to talk to them, my anxiety slowly decreased. I found that all of the what if questions became less important and what was important was that I was interacting and really enjoying it. Just my experience :-)

[RationalLioness]

^^^Exactly!

[Aleera]

I think this can't be true... I mean of course anxiety plays its part but if a guy REALLY likes the girl, he will find the courage and say even a simple hi...

[Words_and_Wisdom]

Only in a fantasy perfect world. But often fear comes on top of a guys attraction level. Hell, sometimes his own attraction towards a girl FUELS his fear.

[Aleera]

Come on!! I seriously don't believe it... Noone can be that much of a coward

[Rocky96]

Hi Aleera, seeing you after many days, how you there?

[Aleera]

@Rocky96 Oh hi!! I'm fine! How about you?

[Terrell456]

Believe it.

[JustinX9]

Some are just coward including me tbh... I can be brave in other things except approaching girls

[Shy_Steve]

It is true, Just saying "Hi" doesn't tell a Girl that we like Her.

[Just_A_Guy2018]

oh lets see here... feminism might be why...
the metoo witch hunt you have going on.
getting fired or have our careers destroyed
getting expelled from school and not given due process.
Laws designed to punish men and benefit women.
that's just the beginning

[Maverickj]

In my opinion, girls shouldn't wait to be approached, anyway. They should simply start taking the initiative themselves, if they are so bothered by no one paying attention to them.

[jacquesvol]

If girl does it the way you write, she'll often be tagged 'slut' by all idiots of both genders.

[Kirah]

@jacquesvol I find that to be untrue. No one thinks that. Only other girls do, because those girls hate it when they lose their advantage.

[jacquesvol]

@Kirah
I've seen, read and heard too often guys doing just that. Look around here at the slut shaming by guys, the derogatory language about non virgin girls some guys write here. (But you're right, saying that girls do it too)

[FatherJack]

@Kirah Agreed " Slut Shaming " is mostly done by OTHER women , your comment nails it again. No wonder you get flamed & downvoted by fellow females , because you are honest...& the truth hurts !!

[justbanANNAz]

this is a good take. thanks for letting us access ur minds, but my only question is...
what if you're wrong?

[spaceshuttle]

There is not ifs, ands, or buts about what he said because that is pretty much what I too think before approaching or considering to approach a girl.

[Phoenix98]

Actually he is right because it's what goes through my mind to.

[justbanANNAz]

-.- that's not what i mean y'all. @spaceshuttle @Phoenix98
i mean, what if ur overthinking it, and what if the matter isn't as complex as u make it out to be?

[Phoenix98]

Ok then 2 things that aren't over thinking or complex.

Rejection sucks, no matter how respectful it may be.
It's nerve wracking

Not that it matters lol I can't date traditionally right now anyway.

[justbanANNAz]

i can totally relate. i believe this take could apply to both genders. it's even harder for a woman to tell a guy she likes him.

[myopenfamily]

Fiminisim killing gender roles

[justbanANNAz]

who me? what? @myopenfamily

[myopenfamily]

Guys have to approach that is what good
But feminist killing that gender role that is why today people (guys) excepting girls to approach them.

[justbanANNAz]

ohh i see. yeah i know. well many people love the idea of women approaching.
I'm personally quite traditional but i know if i loved someone enough id do it before it was too late. @myopenfamily

[KidanisCortes]

Well we MIGHT be over thinking it but years upon years of bitchy girls ridiculing guys who approach and treating them badly makes any man think "what if thats me?" soo blame your gender :)

[justbanANNAz]

i understand. we think the same about guys too.
when iv been affected badly by them. ill end up not trusting any for awhile.
sad that we end up feeling that way about each other for possibly no reason. @kidaniscortes

[Analinda1999]

same for women but the some use the excuse the guy wot like her approaching bc she's a girl which is ridiculous bc obviously not all guys, and why would you want that kind of guy that only likes you if you're a puppet.

[clara5]

I am aware that this is what happens to guys. And it's the exact same thing for girls, but for us it's even harder since a girl approaching or asking a guy out is way more likely to be qualified as "desperate" as if it was the other way around.

[Words_and_Wisdom]

Not necessarily. In fact, guys don't really think that way from what I noticed.

[GlassHeart]

I guess guys do have it harder girls can be pretty cruel

[Octavion]

I don't think either gender has it worse. It's all an individual basis. Some guys love asking women out and like the challenge of it. Some guys would hate to have girls ask them out. Some girls wish they could ask a guy out but feel they aren't supposed to (which is rubbish). Some guys wish they were the ones being approached. It all depends on your personality and the gender you happen to belong to with that specific personality.

[Bards]

@Octavion YESSSS.

[FatherJack]

sadly , yes , a lot of girls get a kick out of being cruel , see my comment above.

[moviedude714]

i don't like approaching women when they are with their friends

[love2run13]

why does this matter?

[einAmerikaner]

@love2run13 because rejection witnessed by just one person is already enough

[dartmaul15]

also it's about making yourself available, about signaling you might be interrested.
When you got other cihcks arround, you signal you're just hanging with your girls, and aren't interrested.
So if you want to make yourself approachable, then mingle! Don't just walk arround together, like a group of flammingos

[zagor]

Good point. Some women walk around in big groups all night and wonder why they don't get approached.

[Prof_Don]

Every female friend I had that talked about getting approached... never happened when she was in a group. She was either solo or with one female companion, or she broke away from the group and got approached when she was alone.

[Hajar_Whitestone]

You think? Guys in general specialy Internet they look for one thing having fun, I don't mind to stay single better then be used...

[thatkaruguy]

sniff sniffff... i smell bitterness

[Words_and_Wisdom]

If the fun is mutual then you're not "used." -.-