Shy guys, help me out! Was he saying he's not interested? (Page 2)
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He is just not comfortable putting his cards on the table (admitting his emotions) every shy guy hates that about themselves but they either learn or get burned I guess, oof that brings back bad memories.
Yeah, well. I'm backing off and not gonna go drive over to his lecture hall for a while. He has the latest invite. He knows how to get a hold of me or send a message through mutual friends.
Shyness is a fucking curse, but that's your way of saying life goes on, so it does then :). You have nothing to worry about because you don't have to approach any guy, but with him (although its not your problem) he will go through the same procedure with every girl and fuck up again and again, and when he repetitively fucks up he becomes good at who he is... eventually he dies a virgin.
I have approached guys before. Got burned, made fun of and talked behind my back, so NO! Regardless of what I think of a guy, I don't do it. I know what it feels like. I wanted to curl up and die. I think he just doesn't know what to do or think. Maybe me not coming and all will force him to think about what he wants. If so, good. If not, his prob. He's older than me and I'm almost 30 so he's running low on time too.
You are right he doesn't know what to do and think because thats why I said shyness is a curse.. I am telling you that there is a very tiny percentage that guy will show up if he is the shy type. The thing about being shy is that the far away they are from what they fear the further away they go. But let him think at the same time don't expect him to show up.
I'm not but I gotta protect myself from pain too. I know what I can handle and I'm at the limit. This back and forth hope to hopeless is tearing me apart.
Just don't think he is playing hard to get, he is just not born a pick up artist, he doesn't know what to do, that's why I said don't expect him to make a move. I been there and have lost so many "fine" opportunities if it wasn't for shyness (curse), I would have probably had 5 kids by now. Look, you get on with your life if he comes he comes but don't expect him to.
I think the problem is that you're both pretty shy. Shy people just don't work together unless they know each other well. Take it slow, get to know him. Try to become friends first. THEN push the envelope.
We met over a year ago. No, we haven't talked every week. We are adults who have full time jobs and all.
If you don't talk regularly, I don't think you can consider yourself good friends. Like I said, try and get to know him better. It's clear that he's really shy. I'm a pretty shy guy, and most of my relationships stem from existing friendships.
We do monthly but its all me. Driving my behind over there to him. Its exhausting! For a year!!! I can't and won't keep doing it I he eont help somehow!
I talk to my crotchety neighbor more than once a month. You're not even friendly acquaintances really. Building a friendship requires frequent exposure. With extreme introverts, if you can't come right out and say, "Go on a date with me," and you really want a relationship, you have to first build a foundation for it.
Well its a couple times a month really but whatever. I think I'm over it. He should know by now if he wants to actually spend time with me in a group setting... Not a date. If he can't, then I'm over it. I want to have kids before I turn 40. Thank you.
That's the only way to get to know each other since he won't call and I don't have his number. So whatever. I'm done.
Maybe the thought of a group setting is too much for him. Maybe he has flipping social anxiety disorder or something. Honestly, my advice is to just woman-up and ask him out for coffee or a movie. One on one.
If you can't do that, or if he doesn't agree, then you're probably not right for each other.
He's old fashioned. He'd never agree to anything without at least one person. You know, chaperone kinda thing and its not like a bunch or people or all new faces. Some he knows.
Honestly, that just sounds like an excuse to avoid putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Not trying to offend or criticize, as I do the same thing frequently.
If you REALLY like this guy, but you dont want to go through the trouble of trying to be good friends first, just bite the bullet and tell him outright you're interested and ask him out. Shy people generally need a confident partner to take the iniative.
Or don't and move on with your life.
That's how he is. I think its a mix of family and religious teaching but believe what you will. He belongs in the Victorian or medieval area if you ask me. I did previously write him a letter as I got frustrated with trying to talk to him. I told him I care but felt I had read him wrong and we really weren't friends and lets discus it. He did initiate after that and then the aforementioned conversation. So, I've done all I feel I can right now. He needs to make a few decisions and he has some space and time.
Telling somone you care about them is NOT the same as saying you're interested. But I digress. If you feel it's his turn to make a move even though you know this guy is debilitatingly shy, and that it's the man's job to start a relationship, then that's how you feel. I'm not going to try and change your mind.
Just don't be surprised if nothing comes of it.
Anyway, goodluck.
If he can't be bothered to do anything at all to help then, I doubt he will be able to support and maintain a family either. Besides, I don't deserve to cry into my pillow at night. I seriously doubt he cares enough to be anywhere on that level where I am.
Uh no.
My Dad has social anxiety disorder and is painfully shy. My mother, a social butterfly, did all the work beginning their relationship almost 40 years ago. She basically stalked him. He's a wonderful father, and he loves my mum beyond measure. So I kindly, but 100% disagree with you.
I sincerely hope it works out for you... but with that defeatist attitude, you're not doing yourself any favors.
Peace, I'm outtie.
Both my parents suffer depression. I can't take a lot emotionally. I can't do every single little thing without help from someone or something. My friend who introduced us won't lift a damn finger and he won't. He's happily on with his life, prob not even giving me a 2nd thought and I'm in tears and on here pathetically asking strangers for advice. So whose worse off? He won't even notice in not coming anymore! At least ill have my sanity back.
This will be my last post on the subject, and I've only continued to post because I genuinely feel bad for you.
I think you need to find yourself a nice confident highly-extroverted guy, because you don't really seem equipped to deal with dating an extreme introvert. Introverts don't suddenly stop being introverts when they meet someone they like, which is what you seem to want.
If you're not in love with this guy, move on with your life. Maybe he'll come around, but don't expect him too.
If he's all you think about night and day, either put in the work to establish a real friendship, or just make a move. A bold one. One that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination about your intentions.
Those are your options.
I'm done for real this time.
He might like you, and the play probably isn't his thing. Ask him to hang in the park or something. Also try being honest and saying you like him. If it doesn't take off from there he doesn't like you.
Ummm he's like 31... Not sure the park idea would be good...
I didn't mean playground
Lmao! I know you didn't... Although... he does tend to like to mess with the kidos... he might do the playground.😁
Just like a chill hangout, anywhere you guys can just talk one-on-one with no pressure. Not a date.
I got it.
"he didn't like to have girls numbers so as not to give wrong impression" this is pretty obvious to me... i wouldn´t say anything like that if i was interested.
Thats what I thought too.. But he actually already has my number... So it seemed silly to say... And why not just say he doesn't want invites? I just don't get it.
XD then i guess it´s too hard to judge without having been there.
It's ok. I will survive. I had a good cry. Maybe now... Distance myself... No talking to his sister for couple weeks and maybe I will be able to speak to her without thinking of him.
i mean if i was in your place, i´d try to be sure and not just assume that you got rejected...
would be a pitty when it just appears to you like it because of the strange ways of a shy guys... i managed to give a crush the idea i just wanted to be friends once too xD it sucked.
I don't know. He pretty much said he wouldn't call or text because he didn't want to give the wrong impression. I don't know if you can get any clearer than that.
it´s your decision ^^ but i mean it can´t get worse than rejection, can it?
Complete heart break... Wanting to curl up and die? Been there and done that... No wish to repeat.
yeah i was there too xD (and still kind of am) but it´s better to be clear than to keep wondering "what if"
So what do you suggest I do? I am not fond of going back there right now. If I took what he said as a rejection so did anyone else nearby who heard...
you have to talk to him alone. i mean i wouldn´t act natural, if a lot of people were nearby who could hear what i say XD
That's what I was trying to do... But he refused remember? I asked him to call or text and he went into his spill about not giving the wrong impression. I don't have any other way to have a private conversation with him. We don't live that close and we both work and he's busy... etc.. etc...
well then call or text him ^^ don´t make him do this step. if you can´t because you don´t have his number, you should probably look for another guy :/
Well... I actually was gonna ask for his number but when he said that about the wrong impression, I got confused and didn't. I mean if he won't text me then how is me texting him any different right? Unless he's a hypocrite. 😃
XD a try wouldn´t hurt, would it?
Lol! I guess not but I didn't feel comfortable at that time after what he said.
understandably so but you gotta do something xD
I suppose so. Just kinda drawing a blank. I'm not gonna visit soon. I think we both need a little space. He's taking for granted that I'm coming back. Obviously... I hate given that impression.
He's probably deciding if he's willing to be in a relationship at this moment maybe he just broke up with his ex and wants to take the time to make sure he's ready for the commitment before really going forward and spending time/energy on a relationship. Sometimes people do this and realize they aren't ready for it and just lead the other person on and it just ends pretty messy.
No, he's not had a gf.
Maybe he's to nervous to make a move?
Maybe.
1. He could be stalling. Maybe he really does want to be with you but doesn't want to be in a serious relationship yet because he is focusing on school or something.
2. He doesn't like plays or any type of musical. He was probably taking that time to think about how to tell you without it seeming like he wasn't into you. He definitely likes you though try to find his interests and see what you both like before you invite him to something else.
Could be one of the reasons above or both
No. He's out of college and stable job... I don't think he's had a gf before though. He was definitely not looking me in the eyes... I think my boobs. He turned red and looked away. Lol... And apologized for everything... It was weird... I wish he would advance from the safe shoulder touch to something else. Maybe I should have felt faint. Lol!
Ahh i didn't know that but i am sure he is interested Try not to force too many conversations maybe 2-3 in a week depending on the mood try to carry the conversation into a date when he is not busy he probably is trying to find what he really wants in life. the conversations should help with that
We don't have conversations every week. I don't see him that often. We both work remember. We don't work together.
Or with same company for that matter. We met at a party through a friend.
Ok my bad i got way off the question.
He likes you
But if you aren't seeing each other too much dont chase it
I won't. I'm sending an invitation and wrote a note to go along with it. He may do with it what he will. I tried to sound like I wanted him to come and he was welcome to go off and not stay with us the whole time if he felt like it.. and he could invite or bring who he wants. So.. if he declined that... well... I'm over it.
I'm sure he likes you maybe he's wondering if he sees you as someone he can be with for a very long period of time, that's why he's not trying to rush into the level of being your boyfriend yet.
Yeah, he's about your age. I'm pretty sure he wants serious and long term.
First you're over-thinking it.
Second, you're giving us a lot of information without reference or anything, it's hard for us to really judge the situation or know what's important.
What reference do you need?
I won't say he's not interested it's just that u'll have to put in a lot of efforts on this one
I guess he most probably likes and that's a reason why he's shy to talk to you
Or may be he's introvert
But it's normal i'd say
What about him saying he didn't like to have a lot of girls numbers so as to not give wrong impression? That's not a rejection?
No I won't say it's a rejection
May be he doesn't wants you to think of him as a player at all (may be that's what he means by "wrong impression")
Some guys find it really hard to exchange numbers and may be even talk a strange/new girl they like
We have been talking for a while... im not new or strange... And... He had my number. I gave it to him a while back. He's never used it...
Mmhm
Then I guess you can start the conversation so as to make him feel comfortable
I'd say he's afraid of being rejected or unwanted by you as a friend... u'll have to keep up the conversation going...
He wants to be with you more dan u want to be with him
Dont let him know that you want to make him comfortable and that he can talk to you
But just talk to him and in sometime he'll be fine
Just dont give up
And by initiate the conversation
I mean not just once or twice...
As I said you'll have to work hard and dont loose hope
I initiate all the time... For a couple months. We have talked like I don't know... 6, 7 times... He has started actually saying hi to me instead of his head nod thing from across the room.
So u mean to say you've progressed
You can even text him sometimes and i'm pretty sure he'll reply
But coming down to texting initially he'd be like whatever u ask he'd answer n dat's all but keep talking to him
He's either afraid cuz f some past experience or he's just shy
Text him and keep talking to him by whatever means so that he realises that he is also acceptable u know...
I don't have his number. I was afraid to ask for it after what he said.
Ohhh
Critical case :p
Bt still jst try to talk him anyhow
If u want to or jst let him go :)
That's the prob. I have go physically drive out there to see him and it takes a lot to get him to settle in for a conversation. He's constantly doing something. Although he did talk to me for a bit the other night.
Does he even have a phone?
Just ask him what does he like doing and listen and then talk about the things you enjoy doing during your spare time. Take it from there.
Baseball?
Yes, he has a phone. I personally saw it at a party when he called his sister. That's the only time, I have even seen it though.
Given this:
"I said text me. To which he said he didn't like to have girls numbers so as not to give wrong impression..."
... I don't think he's that into you.
He has my number already if you read update, which makes no sense to me but whatever. I am over it. He's wants to be indecisive and too shy to make any sort of decision, then I'm over it. He won't be seeing me for a while.
He doesn't like to have girls numbers.. Sounds like there are all the girls and you just one of them, not special even a bit to make an exception.
In my opinion it seems as if he may want to get closer but hasn't seen the sign that it's ok from you yet
? What do you mean?
While he didn't go see the play with you , you made him pause to think it over. Maybe inquire of his friends and see if you can find more common ground , focus on small thinks and it will naturally progress and grow to more. You guys enjoy being you. Hope it all works out for you both
We haven't seen the play yet. I just mentioned it. He likes sports but baseball hasn't started yet. I wanted to try to get together before I turn gray and all.
Lol I understand that getting together at a retirement party is not what you had in mind. Maybe ask him if he would like to go walking or even take a drive some where. Granted it not a fancy get together but you will still get to enjoy each other's company
Lol! I don't think he would do anything with me alone. He's old fashioned... Like with a chaperone and all kind. Plus, we don't live real close together so walking is kinda out.
I actually didn't originally see the part where you two lived so far apart. That makes it more difficult. As far as the old fashion part , one could only hope that he will ease up on the reins just a little
I don't know. He's very polite. He apologized for his sister working and not being there, like he cam control that and kept apologizing for hurting my feelings. I never said he did... What's up with that?
In all honesty it sounds like he may be somewhat nervous around you. As time goes by he will become more relaxed around you and to be honest the more time you two can spend together the quicker it will come about. I was a bit shy in my younger day but I'm way over that crap now.
We have had several conversations. He's in his thirties... So... Is it some kind of shy thing to apologize for any and all things?
More nervous I think. Like he may be worried that you could be upset if he doesn't try to smooth everything over if that makes sense
I think you should move on. Even if he is shy, if he liked you he wouldn't think twice when invited him.
He's super shy and never had a gf so I don't know but this last invite is it. I'm not sending anymore.
You should ask him out because this guy is difficult to read if he didn't like you he wouldn't have acted the way he did but he shouldn't of acted the way he did if he did like you so there's some hit and miss things about this guy.
He's shy. Really shy, like never had a gf shy. I do know that.
I'm not a shy guy so I can't really say what's going through his head that's why I'm thinking he may like you he may not I think you're going to have to go after him because this is some weird stuff he does some things which could mean he does like you but some things which could mean he doesn't like turning down your number was weird but he's a weird guy so I don't know.
He actually has my number already. Which made that statement weird. He's never called but he took a business card when we met.
Ya this guy is super weird I don't know what to tell you I think you're just going to have to call him and ask him out or something like that because I couldn't tell you 100% either way whether or not this guy liked you...
Dang your kind of like my older sister. You are overthinking it. I think he might like you. Only time can tell.
Time? Its been months... How much time? When I'm too old to have kids? I'm almost 30 by the way.
It says your 18-24. If you want to know for sure. Ask him out. It will make his day... probably... So anyway my answer is I think he likes you. He is just extremely shy and doesn't have much experience with girls. Good luck. I wish you the best.
I know. I hit wrong button when I signed up.
If he is not interested, just move on.
Yeah ask him out. And if he isn't interested... move on.
Well it sounds like he likes you, try ask him to hang out with you in a casual place make sure to flirt to him, make sure he knows you really like him! If you have any additional questions please ask.
Wouldn't he agree to call or text me though? And why can't he give a straight answer on if he wants my invites or not?
Make it more comfortable with you then try asking him again to exchange numbers. Make it clear that you like him. Question him why he won't except your invite. If he doesn't do either for weeks then he isn't worth your time.
I don't see him every week.
I k then give him time is all I am saying.
I'm trying too but its been several months and I just don't get it. I am the type who will say yes or no... He seems to reject without actually saying no. I would have called him on his not straight answer but we had been talking for a bit and he had something to do and he was being kind enough to talk when I said I needed him too.
Yeah... Maybe he... just doesn't like... ellipses...
? I'm confused.
Well... He... Just doesn't... Find... Lots of ellipses... very attractive... I think... a bunch of ellipses... are annoying too... just like this...
Oh. Sorry. I got you now.
By the sounds of things, he needs to get his act together until he can decide what he wants... If he is still like this, then I would advise just moving on... xx
I am. I'm not gonna put myself into his path for time being.
Just ask him, so you get a straight-out, flat answer from him.
If I get a chance to I will but dang... How clearer could I have been? I said I don't want to bother you with invites you don't want... You would think he would have said... yeah I'm not into what you are... or its not a bother... Something...
Well, some guys like me are not very tech savy or don't check their devises that much, so maybe he just forgot and got embarrassed about it>
No... I have his address, not his email or cell. It wasn't that, and he works in it.