Why is that some girls just aren't 'girlfriend material'?

[amber505]

I'm not saying this doesn't work both ways. Some girls will mess around with a guy they're not all that interested in. But I had a friend with benefits who told me he didn't want anything serious, and then got a girlfriend.

So I was wondering, why are some girls okay to talk to and even sleep with but not what you're looking for in a girlfriend? What's missing?

I'm asking this because of my personal circumstances but I'm looking for more general answers too.

Updates

+1 y

* The title is supposed to read Why is it that some girls just aren't girlfriend material?

[ArtistBboy]

Starting off I will give you a recent example without names.

- The girl I was "seeing" kept flirting with me and giving me signs to continue a physical advancement WHILE we were aiming towards a relationship. Then all of a sudden- she started blocking me out of her life without any reason. So I assumed at first that she was busy with work. I kept showing up at her work (once or twice a week) thinking that I was probably pushing her away. On the contrary - she was an introvert. She was scared sh*tless that she was falling for me. When it was too late and I thought I already pushed her away- then there was a severe "mood switch" (that quite frankly- sent my mind for "loops")-- where I was wrong- She opened up her feelings and I was already moving on EMOTIONALLY. Physically and verbally we were still flirting.

- Then the last week of us talking- she txted me "okay wtf- do you want me or not" and I responded "You don't need to snap at the one you care about. I know your feelings and your pushing me. I'm not in a rush to get into a relationship. Please slow down" -- After sending her this, she brought her brother to MY house and he presumed to yell at me for using her- where there were physical altercations. After resolving the physical part I explained the situation and he appologized for trying to start stuff. THEN the ultimatum was that I told her to erase my number and stop contacting me because I will not be a part of drama- with someone that is supposed to care about me. she cried and I felt like sh*t. Which is usually how MY experiences go with women, me feeling like the bad-guy.

[ The answer your looking for ]

- Women can do several things to be a dealbreaker. The first and foremost is being rude or irresponsible. If the guy is taking effort to show his interest in you, then you don't try to meet up with him, we automatically assume this is just a "flirt" and nothing more for the time being. Second, if a woman tries to make EVERYTHING harmonious or peacefull. If there is a problem and you say "No no no- it's not like that, let me explain" your basically being a pushover to the guy, which won't help the situation. The third being when a woman has several "guyfriends" instead of "guy friends". If you are being promiscuous and flirty, your sending off the vibe that you are the party-chick that is looking for FWB's. Lastly we have the girl that is "misunderstood" - the guy is too nervous to approach this attractive woman and she never opens up about her feelings. So rather than someone stepping to the plate (which should be the guy) both people are leading a life going "wtf does he / she like me" when they could be saying "Hey! You. I like you- do you like me?" and solve the unknown certainty.

I'm bad at blabbing, but there ya go~

ArtistBBoy

[sonic241928]

You just about covered it all. +1

[jextaimex]

"Lastly we have the girl that is "misunderstood" - the guy is too nervous to approach this attractive woman and she never opens up about her feelings. So rather than someone stepping to the plate (which should be the guy) both people are leading a life going "wtf does he / she like me" when they could be saying "Hey! You. I like you- do you like me?" and solve the unknown certainty." Story of my life. I always seem to be able to relate to your comments so, so well. ;)

[ArtistBboy]

Courteousy Reminder: Don't forget to choose the best answer. If you need further assistance in this situation, please post an update.

[thegirlnextdoorxx]

I have a question for you, ArtistBBoy.. What could she have done to get you as her boyfriend after all? Take things slower and start meeting you more often? I get that she was being pushy after a while but I don't get what you were waiting for after she said she liked you too. No offence.

I'd really like to know because I've been in the exact same situation before. So help me please :)

[ArtistBboy]

The best answer I can give you is the simple yet complex term of "interaction".. The more you are around a certain person, the more your emotions tend to gravitate towards them.. Think of the moon and the earth, one consistently approaches the other despite their far distance because they are always next to one another and in a constant "dance" where they interact. Going on dates / errands / study-groups / etc tend to make me think more about said female, drawing me closer to her. Take care :)

[markml]

If you settle for becoming a "friend with benefits", I think that explains (mostly) everything...

As far I can tell, the only difference between a girlfriend and a "friend with benefits", is that a friend with benefits is a relationship void of responsibilities.

Honestly people, what other difference is there? Friend with benefits is such a joke...

Quite frankly, if you give guys the option of being a friend with benefits, then the kind of guys who would be interested in that option will always take it over making you their "girlfriend". Then some other girl will come along who refuses to be treated that way, and suddenly she becomes his girlfriend. And when he breaks up with her, he probably thinks he can go back to you. Hence, he'll never make you his girlfriend because you're his automatic back-up.

Becoming "girlfriend material" is quite simple...all you have to do is refuse to give benefits to any guy who won't at the very least give you some very basic level of commitment (like being your boyfriend). It's really not that much to expect.

[Anonymous]

Just remember, some guys aren't boyfriend material, either.

I don't know, these answers kind of bugged me because they all make it like the guy has all the power. And they don't.

You have to ask yourself, do you even want to be with the guy? What do you exactly like about him? Or do you just want his "approval"

I had a FWB...we were off and on for 3-4 years. He now wants to marry me...we've both had our chances of meeting/dating other people during that time. Why does he want to marry me? Because I'm an awesome person nonetheless and I shouldn't be disrespected because I enjoy sex and didn't want a serious relationship at the time. (We were both really busy with our careers, surfing, jiu-jitsu, we got together when we could)

Unfortunately, I don't want to marry him because he doesn't have the traits I'm looking for in a LIFE partner. (has nothing to do with money...he just wasn't as deep, philosophical as I was and I really need to be with someone who thinks about his life, the world...someone with whom I could discuss spirituality, morality, sexuality, goes on and on...) But, he is a great person...just not the one for me :-)

The important thing is, don't make this guy or any guy the center of your universe. Be awesome and if he can't get past the whole "oh my gosh, we're just having sex, she's a semen dumpster(as someone else posted)" then you really would not want to be with a guy like that anyways, if you really thought about it because I'm sure you have great qualities that deserve to be appreciated :-)

[Anonymous]

not too many self respecting guys want a girlfriend all their friends have been with. even if you haven't been with a lot of guys, if getting sex from you didn't take a lot of effort for him, his mind may wonder how easy it was for other guys. for a guy to have sex with a girl, he has to be attracted and she has to be willing. not much to it. for a guy to want a relationship with a girl, he has to like and respect her. if you make it easy for guys to sleep with you without really getting to know you as a person or establishing a bond, you're not that meaningful to him. why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? guys don't really get into relationships just for sex because sex is so readily available now. if you want a guy to date you and take you seriously you need to start taking yourself seriously.

[amber505]

No it's not that. He's not just some random guy who doesn't really know me, we're pretty good friends. And I had my reasons for not wanting a serious relationship with him but I thought it was just that he didn't want anything serious in general and would eventually. Instead it feels more like he just didn't want to be with me.

[ashleynatasha]

Well its not about what's missing so much as what he is looking for!Sometimes you don't like someone for a bunch of reasons there's no chemistry or compatibility .Maybe that girl had what he was looking for so its not about girlfriend material its if someone feels you are girlfriend material!I would hold out on the sex. Make it a challenge so you don't fall into friends with benefits category

[nicky-fingaz]

What is Girlfriend material varies from dude to dude and you cannot pin down a universal thing. Sorry. For me the deciding factor on settling with my wife was how well we clicked personally as well as me being ready to settle down.

I think you may have ran into a different problem. If a dude thinks of you as FWB he basically stops there and will rarely upgrade to GF. I'm not sure why it works that way, but it does. I've never contemplated raising any FWBs to GF.

As a dude I mostly wanted FWBs until my 30s. I don't know how representative I am, but there it is.

[sumina7]

This is a very good question.

It is a good question because often you see good looking guys with not so great looking girls. You see them with a girl who is not only not attractive but might not have a great personality either. The reverse is also true.

SO, what are guys looking for in a girl friend (as opposed to a FWB)?

- Some one who is emotionally strong and stable

- Some one who understands you

- Some one who would stand by you during difficult times

- She fits into your social and family circle

- Some one who adores you

[KINGKONG]

For me any sexually attractive girl is doable, but a relationship is someone I'm going to sacrifice being with other hot girls for, that I will devote my time and energy to, and that I will allow myself to actually care about her. If I did this with any ole girl that crossed my path chances are I would get burned over and over again. i.e. she's not serious and has no impulse control which could mean that she won't take our relationship as serious as me and her lack of self control means she just may cheat on me with any ole guy that tells her that she's special and pretty. More examples would be a girl that is too clingy, she's not too smart, she's too smart, ect. It depends on the guy and what he wants to spend his life with.

[just926]

Too smart? Really? Why?

[KINGKONG]

Like I said it depends on the guy. Maybe the guy wants to sound smart, but he never finished High School. He?s not going to sound very smart if he finds himself a college graduate. But if he finds himself a grade school drop out that can?t read, he gets what he wants. Personally I would value a smart girl and I think they are hard to come by.

[sarahjohnston09]

Im guessing because I'm not a guy. But I'm thinking that it has to do with the fact the guy sees you as a friend or someone to talk to and just needs to get laid. Its kinda a let down to say he isn't interested at the time but its a nice way to do it although mean when you see the end result. But its not really your fault its just they don't see you that way and there's nothing you can do about that at all.There's nothing missing other than the fact they don't want to date you. That's it. They see you as a friend with benifits that's it, thus the name.

[katiesmuff]

I'm not sure "Not girlfriend material" is quite the way to say it. I think some girls, and I was one, just want to stay single so they are able to do pretty much as they please without any pressure from a bf, plus it gives you the opportunity to date several guys without cheating on anyone.

[here2help]

People by nature are of a conflicting mindset. On side we believe that there is a one special person out there that will bring us everlasting happiness and presented with this thought we are compelled to seek this person out forsaking all others. On the other side we have powerful sexual urges that tell us to hump everything we find sexually attractive based in the idea to try and spread our seed to perpetuate the human race. So with this conflict we tend to identify the physical lust and keep it seperate mentally from our emotional "lust" as it were. It is simply the complexity and hypocracy of human nature.

-Thats the way it is-

[coolbeens]

Hm seems that guy wasn't into you like that.. it was something to do with him and for whatever reason he didn't want to date you. its not about you not being girlfriend material or not.. its a matter of being HIS girlfriend material.

[HowieD]

all I can say about this is once you start talking like that its gonna be hard to find the right guy to show yhu what you have been looking for in life but you look hella beautiful so I don't know y you would even ask that question

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

Its just how you act around a guy and sell your self to him if you don't respect your self how will he. He won't think your girlfiried material if you don't treat yourself right.

[GIntrovert]

The only time I would consider friends with benefits if I couldn't see myself spending my life with her because of her personality or some situation is preventing us for going that far.

[KINGKONG]

Really though girl friend material is based off the supposition that it will work out that way or whether it won't.

[Starling]

Well you can find someone hot, but not get along with their personality enough to want them to be your only one.

[Just_friends]

Listen to Arethra Franklin and demand some RESPECT. If you don't respect yourself then how can you expect other people to respect you.

FWB = come dumpster -> Not girlfriend material

[chiefnavarro]

well you sleep with the sluts that are your age and you marry the younger good girl