Intense crush. Is this wrong?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone, I had and still have a pretty intense crush on this guy. I get worried about my appearance when he so much as looks at me, I think about him sooo often it's a wonder there's room for anything else in my head. My legs feel like jello when I walk to class (which he's in) and my heart is beating so hard and fast I feel it throughout my entire body. Lately I've realized what I want is his attention and flirty behavior directed at me. It'd be nice if that relationship blossomed into a boyfriend/girlfriend thing but that's not my main goal with him. I thought I had crushes on other guys in my childhood but I realized I've never felt this way before around any of them. One my heart would speed up a little when I saw him in the hall (but not nearly as much). Nothing else would happen (my legs, thoughts wrapped around him, etc). One: is it wrong to feel like the only thing I want is the flirty relationship we once had and if it becomes more, then great? I'm pretty sure it's still a crush because I get the leg thing, my heart speeds up, my face flushes when he looks at me, and he's all I think about. Two: was the other guy who only made my heart speed up when I saw him in the hall, not in class a real crush? Third: do the "symptoms" above describe a real crush or not? Thanks :)

[markml]

It sounds like you're more trying to understand yourself than your crushes.

To answer your question, all of the above are crushes. If you think or have ever thought you have a crush on somebody, then you did. It's that simple.

Of course, crushes come in different magnitudes, and what you're experiencing right now is a really bad earthquake. I've certainly been there!

The important thing to realize is that just because this earthquake is worse than all the others, doesn't necessarilly mean this guy is the right one for you. At the end of the day, a crush is just a crush whether it is a big one or a small one. All crushes bring with them the hope of finding true love, but they also can shoot your expectations so high that the only place to go is down.

So you shouldn't be questionioning whether your crush is real (trust me, it's legit) but whether the guy is real. Because that's what's really going to matter.

As long as the guy remains nothing but a crush, you're free to make him whatever your fantasy wants, but if you do want to ever have a relationship, then you have to deal with who the real guy is. It takes time to realize this, but all crushes are based upon fantasy, so it's a silly question to ask if one is more real than another...

In fact, the stronger the crush feels, and the worse the symptoms are, the greater the fantasy. It may not seem that way right now, but it's the truth. And there's nothing inherantly wrong with fantasy. The world would be a very dull unmotivating place without it.

The only thing you have to realize is that the bigger your fantasy is, the more it's going to hurt when reality comes crashing down upon it. There's a reason they're called crushes...because they have the potential to crush you. Now, that I said, I think you have to act on this crush or you'll regret not doing so! But accept fate.

[Asker]

Ok thank you. The earthquake anaylogy really helped :). He tends to flrt with other girls in class but doesn't hang out with them in hall or anything. He's walked with me before and flirts with me more than the others. My friend tells me he's just trying to make me jealous and EVERYONE on this site and ALL my close friends say he really likes me and he's just flirting with them to get a reaction out of me. I act like I don't care, but it cuts me inside :(. So because I act like it doesn't bug me

[Asker]

So because I ACT like it doesn't bug me and I never even look that way, he just does it more. So does he really like the other girl or is it that he's making me jealous? The friend who tells me he likes me and is making me jealous is in the one class I have with him so she sees it all. Is it legit? Does he flirt MORE with her if I act like it doesn't matter to me? Also the only time he's walked with her recently was when he KNEW he'd see me. When I show up on a new route that he's on he's walkin

[Asker]

So when I show up unexpectedly on a new route (outside, she walks inside) he's with his guy friends. I don't always walk outside so when I do it's a surprise. In the beginning of the year when he'd walk by me he'd ignore me or smile and nod and mouth "hey" but only inside the buiding whether she was there or not. Lately he's been ignoring me or smiling a little and holding eye contact. I'm just so confused! Sorry for the really long anaylsation but you said to think of his behavior so... :)

[markml]

Hmm...well I've never tried to make a girl feel jealous, but maybe that's because I have no game. I say you gotta put yourself out there, and just see how it goes. Start by showing him you're jealous, not insanely jealous...but show him how he makes you feel. There's a good enough chance he likes you, but at this point it doesn't matter whether he likes the other girl or not. If he hasn't made up his mind, then it's your game.

[Asker]

Alright... Which is more likely: He'll flirt even more with her if I...

A) continue to act like it doesn't bother me or as if I don't see it or ignore it.

OR

B) show a little jealously.

If B, how would I go about only showing a little jealousy? Thanks for everything so far!

[markml]

If he was trying to make you jealous by flirting with him, then he should stop soon after he's realized he has succeeded. At least, I would think so. Your second question is harder...it depends a lot on what your natural impulse would be. Give me some choices and I'll tell you which is best.

[Asker]

To show jealousy? Probably step up my flirting game. Some ideas: throwing stuff (paper, pen caps), talk, wink, Minimal physical contact such as a high five or fist bump... I'm pretty open and a natural flirt. I'm pretty confident and bold so... Any ideas?

[markml]

Hmm...that's probably too subtle for him. You need to spell out who you're jealous of, or else he won't really think you're jealous.

Here's an idea...try changing something simple like your hair or anything really, and then when he doesn't say anything, chide him for spending so much time with the other girl that he didn't notice.

[Asker]

Ok thanks