Hooked up with my crush and totally confused by the whole situation..

[Anonymous]

Okay, so not to make this really long, but my crush and I have recently hooked up twice. He made all the moves for each time. He is still friends with his ex, and I'm kind of friends with her. She's been telling me how she met another guy, thinks about him all the time, etc. She is also a huge flirt. She has told me to not say anything about her meeting this other guy, and I feel like I should tell my crush yet I don't want to get involved or cause any problems. Alright anyways, they hang out from time to time, but she has been ignoring him more so. He seems to be over her but I'm not sure and I don't want to just flat out ask. He told me that he isn't looking for a relationship right now because his head is all over the place and that he doesn't want to lead me on and for me to get my heart into this. I told him I understand and said I was down to have fun. I never do this with anyone and he also knows that I like him. She is home for the weekend from school and he will not text me back. He goes from inviting me out to pretty much ignoring me now if she happens to be around. I find that weird because we were all out last night together with a huge group of friends and he wouldn't go talk to her or stand by her...he seemed totally not into her and what she was doing. Part of me wants to continue hooking up from time to time and the other part of me does not want to. I'm just confused as to why he would sleep with me when he knows he could get it from her and it makes me wonder how much he cares about her. I would think that he doesn't care about her anymore if he's doing things with me. I've known him for a few years now and he is not the "player" type of guy at all. I'm just really confused and have no idea what to think of this whole situation.

Updates

+1 y

I'm going to keep on eye on what happens within the next few weeks; she is going to stay with this guy for a bit and my crush has no idea. I'm also having a party in 2 weeks and he is attending, and I'm curious to see what moves he may make.

[Keepingitfresh]

DAMNNNNNN that was hella long hah No I'm just messing...

This actually sounds like this thing I'm kind of trying to get out of...Met a girl, she was single at the time broke up with a long-term, I had her back in a lot of that sh*t, we are good friends, we hooked up, then for awhile I was wondering what was going on between her and i...So I kind of feel you...Its like you want to for sure just keep hooking up because your like damn I really like this but its breaking me down that you won't just let me make you mine..

I think what you should do for real..I know I know Its going to be so f***in hard but just say f*** it you know..Stop hooking up with him...Be his friends...Don't say sh*t to your friend because that will make a crap load of problems that you both really don't need because she is gettin at some dude anyways.

See he is good right now...I'm sorry to say it straight out like this but he is getting ass from you that he can't get from her! (Or he is getting it from both) so he gets off with you, then she is there he will try to spit game at her...You say that you think he is over her but he isnt...He still has that place from her no matter how much he may like you. He is still holding onto hope that they will get back together. He doesn't stand with her, talk with her when your around because he may not want to hurt you knowing that he hooks up with you because he may really care about your feelings or because he doesn't want to make you stop hookin up with him...but ever wonder what happens when your not there? Bet he is spittin game..

Man girl, be more than that. I don't know you but so many girls are worth so much more than that. So much more than a secret hidden sex relationship. He may like you not even going to lie but I think his heart is with her. Don't tell him that your friend is hooking up with other guys or even talking to other guys because he may swear that he won't say sh*t but he will get mad because it will eat at him and he will say something..Therefore messing EVERYTHING UP.

So just take what you got from it. Move on with it. Don't spend your time texting him. Play that sassy chick. He texts you, asks why you aren't texting him, say its because your just doing your thing and your sick of being just a hook up buddy! All I gotta say stop giving him what he wants. When "his head is clear" and he wants to be real with you than he gets the dime peace (you) that's what I wish girls would understand if you give us what we want from the start we aren't going to give you the respect in not making you into a girlfriend...Good luck chick..I really hope you do the right there for yourself...I feel where your coming from.

[Asker]

I agree with what you are saying. Its all just confusing still because I just don't know what will happen. I can and do want to remain friends with him, but I'm having fun also you know. I'm for sure going to not text him or "chase" him anymore and I will do my best as to NOT hooking up with him. I guess when he is ready and his head is cleared, then he will know what to do and whatever.

[Keepingitfresh]

Yeah I feel you, Its like you want to do that so bad and you know its the right thing but at the same time you enjoy those moments that you don't want to let them slip! but real I learned the hard way...it hurts when you keep going those little times you get just can't worth it even if they do seem like it at the moment

[Asker]

So, from a male's point of view then, what could he mean when he told me after hooking up the first time that he doesn't want to lead me on and he isn't looking for a relationship right now? I could take that a couple different ways. I'm thinking more so he isn't looking for a relationship right now because he still is hung up on his ex and he isn't sure what is going on between them. I'm just curious as to your thoughts on that. Because after him saying that, we hooked up the second time.

[Keepingitfresh]

Well dudes have two minds...just like two heads...When I'm horny (as f***ed up as this is) I'll say anything really to get what I need. When I'm not horny I want to keep it real and tell her the truth because I don't wanna hurt her but at the same time...If I liked it, man I would do the same thing...say I don't want a relationship really so I can cut off ties on that but still get at it you know?

[Anonymous]

Keepingitfresh is telling it like it is. This guy is sleeping with you because you are letting him. Why wouldn't he? He can get it from you, get it from her and all is fine and dandy. You don't need to be some sort of confirmed player to play. In fact, I think you are underestimating him and he really is a closet player.

As far as what he and his ex are doing, and what this all means to you, it really doesn't mean a lot. Not like you will win the prize by getting this guy if she doesn't want him anymore. In other words, don't wait around to see if his ex ends up with someone else. It won't make him want a relationship with you. You want a relationship with someone because that is what you want, not because you are waiting to see if your 1st choice is available or not. He's just enjoying sex with you and it won't be changing to love. These type of situations rarely do. He likes you, he likes having sex with you, but that is where it will end. I don't think you are quite down for "fun" as you say because once you realize he doesn't want a relationship with you, ever, you will be very hurt. Not much fun then. Dump him and move on.

[Asker]

Thanks for the answer. You're right with everything you're saying. The last several days or so, I haven't really contacted him or anything. I've just been doing my own thing. But I will move on for sure and see what where life takes me lol.

[lafeeverte]

i know it's easier said than done, but you should probably cut your losses and move on... trust me I'm in this situation too where you like a guy so you're trying to hold on to whatever you can get from him, even if it's just a little attention, but really you deserve so much more. you're never gonna be 100% happy at this rate. maybe if it's meant to be, in a few months his ex will be out of his life for good and you can try again with him, but until then there could be a great guy waiting around the corner and you're too blind to see it cause you're hung up on this guy, just being his hookup buddy...

[hunnybunny81105]

The answer is obvious...he IS NOT OVER HER. He told you flat out he doesn't want a relationship and is just looking to hook up. That was really a nice thing of him to tell you before you got yourself involved, you made that decision and you knew the consequences. Not trying to be mean at all, but what did you expect? lol

You guys were out in the big group together, she was nearby but didn't say anything probably to avoid awkwardness of walking up to her...and maybe even to not be disrespectful by leaving the group. He would rather sleep with her than you because he is still not over her...

[DIPEPDINGOLD]

He just wants to have fun and you told him that "YOU, want to have fun also." He dosen't see you as a potential girlfriend more like a booty call or hookup buddy. He might have feelings for his ex also. I would be cautious and just know if you keep on hooking up with him and he dosen't label you as his girlfriend ...you are just a friend with benefits for him and he knows you are willing to give"it" up..;