When a man gives a woman a lavish gift🎁, he thinks he is scoring 5 points in her book when actually that is worth just a point to her? (Page 2)
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That from now on give normal but many gifts to earn points 😂LOL
Hahaha, smartie! :-P XD
Many women will smell something and be on their guard.
Well I do think that acts of kindness are less important to a woman than other things like skill at maintaining order in a relationship and protecting her/her honor.
I think acts of kindness itself is a skill at maintaining order in a relationship. No? :-P
Yes, but there's also the need to have a sturdy backbone and having your own opinion.
If it's genuinely an act of kindness, that means he's expecting 0 points, not 5.
In that case, the 1 point is still bonus.
An act with any "expected payoff" is, by definition, not an act of kindness.
@redeyemindtricks My philosophy on this doesn't take what you mention into account.
Even assuming the guy didn't expect anything in return, kindness is still not nearly as important as, how you've put it in one of your opinions, "badassery."
Well, I mean... it's the whole spectrum, really.
It's shortsighted to try to consider the pieces individually, because they aren't individual.
What's most attractive is to get the gift of time... from a man who's too busy for everyone ELSE.
Or, the gift of openness and vulnerability... from a man who's closed off to everyone ELSE.
Or, the gift of love and trust... from a man who doesn't freely give those.
Etc etc.
A certain few qualities -- like basic respect shown to others, and, yes, a certain degree of *kindness* to others -- we see as universal positives.
But, those things aren't "Things We Want In Men", so much as things we value in *everyone* we associate with, including friends.
An exceptional degree of kindness AGAINST a background of "badassery" is... basically perfection.
__
Also, there are those of us who **don't want** "lavish gifts" and would be incredibly put off / turned off by them.
In our case, understanding that is essential, too. It's hardly mind-reading.
@redeyemindtricks Now that I've had a full 6 hour shift at work and had time to really wrap my head around this whole thing, I have some thoughts.
1.) Being kind without expecting anything in return is worse than expecting something in return. Kindness is a privilege, at least in terms of those who are worth their own salt.
2.) Your statements are exactly why kindness is less important... or at least one of the bigger reasons. If a guy is just kind but he doesn't have that edge. He's thought of as boring. If he has the edge but isn't kind, girls will try to bring the kindness out of him for herself. A guy can go far with just one, but not just the other.
3.) "Also, there are those of us who **don't want** "lavish gifts" and would be incredibly put off / turned off by them.
In our case, understanding that is essential, too. It's hardly mind-reading."
Well, yea, it is. It's not like a girl like you is going to let guys know in any obvious way.
What kind of "full" shift is only 6 hours? mahah
1)
"Without expecting anything in return" and "extending it only to those who [at least somewhat] deserve it" are not in any way at odds with each other.
2)
I need a LOT more "edge" than do 99.995 percent of women. Trust me on this one.
The kindness is a universally positive character trait. It will match well against the amount of edge you *do* have -- which will be the right amount, for those girls who are best suited to you anyway.
3)
Are you fucking kidding me? Lol
I am so bad at accepting ANY gifts, that my best friend had to sit my ass down and *explain* to me that giving is just some people's way of expressing appreciation/inclusion/camaraderie -- and that I was throttling my own business success, back in the day, by being such an obstinate asshole about refusing to accept *anything*, no matter how small, from *anyone*.
In terms of personal relationships... I always HATED feeling pressured to accept material crap, or "be
treated", by men. Not only would I flat out refuse to accept -- like srsly, I had a hard time even letting guys pay for stupid shit like a $3 drink at an outdoor concert, or a $5 snack at some hole-in-the-wall on a city street -- but, any such offer would *immediately* kill any attraction I might have felt for a boy.
Granted, I'm an extreme... I never believed (and mostly still don't) that a guy could "treat" without starting to feel entitled to something in exchange for it, and I *always* believed that such actions came laden with (not-so-) secret agendas and mental scorecards.
And I STILL couldn't possibly stand the thought of living off a man's money. It's not by chance that I ended up in a marriage where I'm the primary earner and my husband is my essential support system (in every way, logistical, practical, emotional, spiritual, you name it).
Srsly... Not mind reading. If someone had offered me material gifts back in the day, they'd have gotten a death stare, a bitchy comment
about how my ass wasn't for sale, and then... a complete rejection.
Again, I admit I'm way into the tail of the bell curve when it comes to this stuff... but yeah, no one was ever the least bit uncertain about my feelings toward "trying to buy my affection".
That's why I intend to give gifts rarely but with great care instead.
You don't think that the paragraph is overgeneralising the 2 genders? I think the author has this all-or nothing thinking and mental-filtering cognitive distortion :-P
It depends on the women. Some women might consider it a jackpot with a lavish gift.
Men always add numbers to make things seem bigger 😹
Hahaha!
what? How do men add numbers to make things seem bigger? If u mean guys exaggerate certain things to impress girls, yes but thats only because its the guy who has to win the girl while she is the prize and she can just choose
I was unaware there was a point system.
Hahahaha!
I don't care for gifts that much unless theyre meaningful/practical
If I give a woman a gift we are generally already in a relationship so I'm not try to score points
There's some truth to this. That's why I will never buy a girl a gift unless we are in a relationship.
In a relationship as in? You meant you also won't buy her a gift in return if she buys you a gift first? :- )
If she buys me one first then I'll buy her something back. But only if she's my girlfriend will I lavish her with gifts.
I don't understand what the points are for.
Hahaha! Yeah, it's s so sad to put people on a point system in life, as if love is a transaction :' (
Thats why you dont give women gifts... period.
You are correct, women don't appreciate shit. lol.
😂😂😂
The cognitive distortions here are : overgeneralisation, all-or-nothing thinking, mental-filtering, disqualifying the positive and emotional reasoning :-P
There's some truth to that.
Gifts aren't everything.
Uh yeah no lol ain't no points in my head
cute hamsters