When a man asks for space, is it over?

[Anonymous]

we've been dating for 2.5 years, we both expected to tie the knot. During our 1.5th year, I noticed he can't manage stress at work and our relationship at the same time. however, we worked things thru. When our 2nd year approached, he got a new female BOSS who drills him, our relationship SOURS. He asked for space as he finds me burden but I can't accept. He stops calling, replying sms and talks rudely sometimes. 3 hours ago, we broke up. He said I'm very annoying & proved me wrong that I can't give him space he needed. ANy chance we can patch things if I really change and NEVER call him unless he calls?

Updates

+1 y

revision:

He said I'm very annoying & proved me right that I can't give him space he needed. Any chance we can patch things if I really change and NEVER call him unless he calls?

[always-believe]

Well, you know when a man is already having a job, and at the same time, he also has a girlfriend, it kind a two responsibility he has to manage at the same time, he has to focus on his job and you.Now, his situation in his workplace is kind of stressing him with the female boss and relationship.You said, you both expected to tie the knot, and you know when a guy face this commitment things, he has to double his effort on you in order you can be happy in future with him, he has to be work harder. But, as you know, his work pressure him, commitment and relationship is the things that he has to need a space to readjust it.He has to recharge himself with the responsibilities.Now, he just need space, he needs you the most to understand him, to support, respect and trust for what he do.

He totally become a sort of people that lost their mind when he said you annoying him, says rude things.I assure you, he just in uncomfortable zone, his feeling mixed. his angry, stress, fear, sad and disappointed.He disappointed because he can't give the best for his life, means his work,you and other things related.

Here, I advise you, try to understand him, respect and support him. Don't be demanding at this time.Just be there with him, make him feel whole and secure.Talk to him that you understand his condition right now. Give him space. If he really love you and you able to win his trust, heart and respect.He will never go distant from you. good luck.

[karrotsalive]

hi, well I too was given the whole "i need space", "we need a break" schpeel . I have to be honest, space and time are wonderful things. They give you "you" time to realign yourself and to try to love oneself. It makes a world a difference if the 2 of you come together again. The fact that he is being mean is not cool at all and that should give you more of a push to be by yourself for awhile. I find that once you do give a guy space, eventually he will miss you so much that he must contact you. Play it cool and take things slow. Again, in my case, we have gone back to the beginning. He can not handle being in a relationship and can only give me friendship at this time. So I took many steps back to realign myself to come back with a more secure level head. I still want to be with him. But since I love him and care about him and his mental health I am a friend to him. I do see us getting back together so patience is really key. I'm sorry If I seem a bit scattered. I hope this helps :)

[afterschoolgirl]

oh girl. haven't you read Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus? Every relationship book will tell you the same thing. Eventually a guy will need his space. and although we want to nurture him, as women it's our instinct to "save" the relationship, we have to give guys their space. ITS ONLY TEMPORARY. I agree with what the other guys said here, that the more you push for it the further back he'll pull. Guys feel better (I know, it's weird) when they're left alone like this, because it's like we trust them to handle their own problems because they're "strong men" (I know it's weird, but apparently true). Meanwhile, the advice is to enjoy yourself while he needs this space, because he'll have one less thing to worry about (basically, he wants you to keep yourself happy until he gets out of his shell).

Best of luck!

[dtxxx]

This has actually happened to me two months ago but we got back together after a month had past. He had a lot going on with the stress of his family and school. He told me he needed some space but after a while things cooled down. We still talked with in the month and everything turned out to be ok after we talked about it. I know my answer is about 10 months to late but I still thought it could help if your still in the uneasy stage.

[tazzy]

Just give him the space he wants. You have been together for a long time so you matter to him.

I think in relationships, our partners wants to stay with us because we have a value to them. Right now he thinks you have no value to him, but that is not the truth. He may even be feeling he is of no value to you and as a result is projecting it on to you.

Do not call him, let him miss you. Send one last message telling him you are sorry and he is right and tell him you hope that he will work things out and you will be there when he's thru.

If he does really love you, and you are of value to him, within days, or weeks, he will come back because by then he will realize the void that you have left behind.

We men often want what we can't have and what we have, we tend to ignore. So let him feel what he might be loosing in order to have his precious space.

But of course don't tell him that. Be the sorry, be the victim and tell him, that you are sorry, he is right, you are wrong, you'll be waiting, and if you can add to hint that you won't wait for long, then even better.

This assumes he still wants you of course. If he doesn't then he's just trying to come up with an excuse and there is not much you can do.

[ihavenoclue]

I don't know, this sounds like a game to me. I don't like manipulation in a relationship, and I don't recommend it. She's young, she needs to get out there and experience being with other people. To her I say: I am absolutely certain there's a relationship out there that's better for you than this one was, so don't waste your time.

[tazzy]

It is not as much as a game, but more of a dance. Relationships is a dance after all. Some people do it without thinking and having to go out to ask other people. It's just their second nature.

But next time you see your happy friends couples, remember something underneath is going on, they must be doing something different than you. It's not that they are better than you, it's just that they are doing the "dance" properly.

It's not a game nor manipulation.

[SexGod1]

I agree with tazzy - perspective is everything. How we view things determines how we act or react to things. If we can view things in a positive way, it helps us to make better decisions.

[Midwestbeauty444]

WOW this is EXTREMEly enlightening! I called my ex last night and we had a pretty good convo..since than we hadnt talked since Sat when HE called me...I HAD decided to cut him off a few days ago and than I just like relapsed! my mom wants me to forget about him..I lied and told him I had a date with someone else and he was all like "where''d you go!" and all up and my buissness WOW! I asked him if he'd been on any dates lately and he hasnt! ;) he asked me out for next week and he asked me y if I miss

[ihavenoclue]

Like all things, you need to balance the pros and cons of your relationship. You also need examine how you are filling your space. What are your interests? What kind of activities do you participate in on your own? Do you go out and spend time with your own friends? If you find that this man was too much the center of your world, then you're better off spending some times figuring out who you are and what makes you happy. Otherwise, you will suffocate whoever you are with. It's great to love being together, but you also need to enjoy time to yourself, and if you don't, there's something wrong.

That said, I don't think your boyfriend seems to have responded very well to the situation. I mean.he called you annoying. I would say I don't see a very healthy future for your relationship with him. Even if you really are too absorbed with him to the point that he feels suffocated, he could deal with it in a much more mature way.

In the end, this relationship has ended, and I think it needs to stay ended for both your sakes. Figure out who you are, enjoy your life and love yourself. Until then, date but don't look for commitment, or it will end in disappointment every time.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I totally agree with the other guys - You need to give him his space or else he's going to keep pushing you away at this time. You need to read the book, "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus." When men say we want space, it means that there's things inside of us that need to be worked out, and if we don't get space to do it, we become like a pressure cooker that's ready to explode because we have all kinds of stuff on our minds and too much pressure. When a guy is stressed out, he doesn't want to talk about it with his woman most of the time. He wants to take time and figure it out. That's what men do. He will continue to push you away until he finds a solution to his problem and then he will let you into his life again. But, if you keep pushing him to be with you at this time, he's going to blow up on you because he has a lot of pressure built up inside of him - not to mention, the problem is not fixed yet! (Men are fixers!) He does not want to blow up at you, but that's what's going on. Again, give him the time and space he needs. Do not contact him until he's ready to talk to you. You may want to take his behavior personally, but it's not personal. It's a guy thing!

[ihavenoclue]

When a guy is stressed out, he shouldn't be rude about it. I think he can still be respectful, even when he's stressed, and he's clearly not. I agree, men need their space, and she needs to understand that. But this dude didn't handle the situation well at all, and I would say she should take his behavior personally.

[tazzy]

There are times when a man is stressed out, the best way for his woman to handle the situation is to just let him deal with it. Not ask too many questions and press him and become his problem as well. At this point, you as a woman should just support him and be on the benches when he needs you so to speak.

And it goes both ways, when it's my girl I know is having a rough time and she is rued to me, I stay away but close enough if she needs me. Eventually she realizes. It goes both ways.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, honestly, we are only hearing one side of the story here, so it's tough to determine why he was rude to her. Maybe her continuing to invade his privacy has pushed him over the edge or something - who knows? Since we really don't know, we can't jump to any conclusions and can only take what is being said as a small part of the entire situation. Also, what one person considers rude may not be what someone else considers rude, so we really should not take sides in this, is my opinion.

[Midwestbeauty444]

I'm going through a similar situation right now with my ex! we have "seperated" as he calls it he need to get his life together, work is stressing him out and I honest to God believe every word he has said o me about it! we love each other very much and he has contact ME after he brokeup with me..so this guy IS under pressure don't take it personal! if he's says he's feelin stressed TAKE it don't keep trying to figure out Y!

[Opinion Owner]

Amen Sista!

[KaziW]

Let him go into his cave. you can't talk to him when he needs space. (I agree you need to flick through the book - Men are from Mars, Women are fom Venus).

But you also need to be in tune with your own happiness.Are you happy? or do you look at your partner to make you happy.?

Only you are in control of your own happiness, seek new activites, friendships, even perhaps dating new guys. this will give him space whilist you persue your own self and needs for true lasting relationship. the vibe you give off of fulfilment will lead to a strong attraction that he will go nuts over. You withdraw and he'll be back as quick as anything.

[SexGod1]

Cool perspective - totally agree with this - we all need to have a life of our own and not expect someone else to totally fulfill us. That is called being "dependent" on someone. It is also unhealthy and unfair to whomever our partner is. Hopefully you understand what I mean! :)

[the2southgirl]

I am in the same position my boyfriend ask for space because we been arguing so much, He says that I put more pressure on Him, and I felt bad that was last night. and til this time I haven't heard from him, is that good?

[qmax15]

So. 're you all time thinking about him or thinking about the possibility that he leaves you for that new female boss? Think about it and choose your destiny. and please be honest with yourself.

If he said "I need more space", it's because he really need a time to do other things like stay with friends or start a project.

Be patient and he will come back to you.

In a week, if he didn't call yet, call him and tell him "Hey ! How're?(.) I'm fine too, but you know, I miss you" . He'll cry, surely

[Midwestbeauty444]

My ex asked me if I mis him so much y don't I come over and chill BEcause! it's NOT going be THAT easy I'm not going put myself in that position to have sex with him but NOt be commited because I KNO I'm not going to get hurt that way! But I kno I NEED to stop talking to him to let him miss me even MORE!! its been over a month since we brokup but we still talk and I kno he loves me...hes the kind of guy who "takes his time" I guess

[clucky]

Basically when a guy asks for space it's the weak way of saying it's over, or perhaps you just can't take no for an answer and you admit it by saying you can't accept it so he is hoping the break will finally help you get the picture that it's over. Relationships are built on communication with each other, so if he says only call him when he wants you to call then that is just childish and not a relationship at all, if this is how he treats you and you want to stay with him then your insecurity is really showing. A good relationship helps deal with the stress at work but yours is obviously causing him more stress. 3 hours ago you broke up? You just don't get it do you, this isn't a break, it's over. He doesn't want space, he wants out. People don't just change, you can't suddenly change, a personality is something that develops over years, if it's a relationship you want then you need to find someone more suitable, someone that alleviates your insecurities and this man isn't the one.

[Midwestbeauty444]

OKAY! well said!

[JustDance]

OR, its actually true about the work stress and etc. I'm guessing the guy is about ur age as well so having a career set up for the guy and really have a promising future with that career in that company is important to him, and because he's "drilled" by his boss and etc... he's trying 2 work harder and put more effort into the job, consequently, less go into the relationship. the career path is extremely important at this age but I don't see why he's dumping you for it, guess you might not be the one :(

[JustDance]

Unless he's working a sh*t job... then its over for real.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I know how that is. There is a chance, just give it time and work on you. If he really loves you, he is just as upset as you are. Its ok, just give it time, go out enjoy yourself, don't sit and mope around, have fun! everything will come together in time,K?

[Anonymous]

No just don't be on his nuts 24/7 give him some damn space