What does he mean by time & space, will he come back & does he know it hurts & did he mean the things said?

[Anonymous]

I am 36 year old widowed, single mom, he is 28, never married, but had been involved with a woman who had two kids. He had been interested in my online for sometime, & we finally started talking. When we did, it was an immediate connection. We spent hours talking on the phone & texting, then set up a time to meet. We were both so excited to meet we couldn't wait.

I was honest with him up front about my life, where I had been, being a mom, etc wanting him to know who I was & not wanting to waste his time, and he expressed he was alright with it all.

He seems like a great guy, loves his family, goes to church, has friends, hobbies, works full time. We even Facebooked so we got to know each other better.

When we met we had an amazing and strong connection which seemed to be in all areas. And within a short time, we slept together, on two different occasions.

He told me things, like I was beautiful, and he wanted to be a part of my life, I was perfect for him, and in a short time told me he never connected to anyone before on all levels and that he was falling in love with me.

After the second time we were together, which was comfortable and seemed fine, the next day he told me that he wanted to be honest. Said he was freaking out that he had only been with two other people, and had never slept with anyone so fast, and felt like he had done something wrong. He told me it was nothing that I did. I asked him if he meant anything he said, and he was confused and said it felt right at the time.

He told me he needs time and space. He did not put any paramenters on it. I told him I am not good at reading by the way the lines and knowing what men are thinking & if he didn't want a relationship with me or wanted it over, to tell me. He agreed he didn't play games & needed the space and time. I told him I would respect that.

However, the next day and day after I was freaking out like most of us girls do, & texted him, fairly benign like I wished he would talk to me about it,& I was sorry he felt his integrity was comprimised.

After the second text, he wrote "I have asked for time & space & I don't feel like I am getting that. The more you push the issue the more you are pushing me away."

I was crushed & I have not made contact since which was almost two weeks ago.

I feel like I am hanging on a thread. Does he mean its over, even though I was clear and tried to give him every opportunity to be honest with me if he wanted out? Does he know it hurts that he has pushed me away? Does he plan to come back, or contact me, even if it is to let me go?

I feel so hurt & confused and can't stop obsessing over it, and I feel ashamed I can't just woman up & move on. I really liked him and felt we had so much in common & had an amazing physical connection, but he freaked out. I agree it moved to fast, had sex to soon, but I don't feel ashamed.

Just looking for some guidance about what men are really thinking in these situations?

[stubbsy]

The chances are, because of his age, you have spooked him, because he is still mentaly a child, and by no means ready for a full blown relationship, so you need to have contact but you also need to be prepared to tell him that he can take this as slow as he likes, but the both of you deserve to know what's going on so contact needs to be maintained, otherwise there is no relationship, he needs to accept that after just sleeping with a woman, he cannot demand time and space, if that's what he wants then he needs to grow up and he should of realized that he wasn't ready for a woman with talent, but you really need to be willing to end this now because by no means should he be asking for space now, is not respectful and its childish, and the last thing you need is a child sulking when he don't get his own way in a relationship, good luck,x

[Asker]

Thank you for your insight and honesty. I think your right.

I know everything I have read says to not write or make contact and to let him come to me, however, I feel like there is no closure, and I just want to tell him that I can't do this, that its painful and confusing and that I don't expect him to really understand my history, but I have been lied to and hurt badly, and just can't be left on a string. What do you think? or should I just let thinkgs be?

[stubbsy]

If you try and make contact and explain to him what you have been through in the passed, it will only convince him that your damaged goods, don't give him any reason to doubt you, because you have made the effort, so the balls in his court, let him make the move, and let him think, that your thinking, "his choice" because he needs to think this to make a choice, x

[Asker]

Hi,

Thank you so much for your advice, it was helpful.

Turns out, many days after not hearing from him and going crazy, he took me off his Facebook, then I found out he signed back up for the online dating site he took himself off of when he said he and I were "official".

I texted him after I found out and just told him that I thought he was different and that I tried to give him every chance to be honest and "be done", and that he was younger and attractive and I knew he would hurt me.

[stubbsy]

Well, you have your answer, you should always allow the bloke to prove his interest, because either way, you will gain an answer from his actions, which on this time your answer was given, being his interest was limited towards you, which allows you to move on to bigger and beter things and end up with someone worthy, not just young and attractive, hope it all goes well,x

[HanabusaAido]

its hard to say, but I think he's being a bit immature if you don't mind me saying