Most people can't tell. We're all people. We make presuppositions about the motives of others based on our experiences. I don't think most people can truly discern whether another person is flirting or being kind when both are possible. At one point the things we consider flirting, like giving compliments or intently listening to what someone has to say, were considered common courtesy. I tend to be old fashioned. I try to pay compliments where they seem appropriate. I try to be polite and give encouragement. I happen to be the youngest if 8 siblings. 5 of whom were girls. I get along better with girls than guys because of this and by extension many consider me a flirt.
I don't flirt intentionally but neither do I allow false notions of flirting to prevent me from acting with decency. There's no real way to tell that kindness isn't flirting or that flirting isn't just kindness. Best way I know of finding out is asking someone... but even then people are people... and people lie. Our view of flirting and common decency have been so twisted these days that a compliment is seen as a cat call.
To all you girls out there... when you laugh at a guy's joke or smile at him it's not inherently flirting. You get mad when guys think it is and rightly so... the opposite is also true. A guy can compliment you or be nice to you without being a creep or cat calling you. Don't automatically get mad when people give you compliments simply because you don't like their type... I know those sorts of girls exist. I know they aren't the majority which is good... but for those tempted to give up on the courtesy of others, be comforted knowing that some guys are just trying to be decent people. We don't want to date you or get in your pants.
Kindness\friendliness usually is just teasing\banter. Flirting usually has more intent and creates sexual tension. Like touching or suggestive language
Example of kindness\banter: going back-and-forth with a co-worker or joking around with an individual.
Example of actual flirting: When a girl or guy keeps touching you or getting really close in your personal space repeatedly to the point you may even get a little uncomfortable, compliments your looks or your body, tell their friends about you and they tease about their friend liking you, says suggestive things like "the way you dress is just do distracting" or "that skirt fits you well!"
Really a nice question. Right now I am facing two different scenarios one who stares and friends teases him but never came up to talk to me. Other whom I catched plenty no. of times staring me tries to have a convo with me sits as near as possible. Now please suggest me which one is right and what vibes are you getting from both?
I can tell the difference. Sometimes men pretend they are being kind when they are just after touching you or more. But I find it easy to spot a sleazy or dishonest man, many do not. www.accuratepsychicreadingsonline.com/tarot-card-online
I think if somebody is flirting with you - they will want you to know they are flirting with you so that they can escalate things further and secure a relationship, date, embrace or deeper flirtation with you. Wait for them to explicitly and directly show you they are interested in more than just friendship and are more than just being polite and kind to you.
People can be flirty in a friendly way. Meaning they keep the flirting very passive and diluted. Their intent is to be friendly, but show ‘a little skin’ so to speak. Eg: two married people with different spouses, knowing full well their situations and just having a little PG exchange.
Example of flirty friendly: A co-worker of my wife often ask my wife where I am. When she sees me, she would always remark on my clothes, my looks, my demeanour and strike up a conversation. That’s her being friendly. Sometimes, she makes compliments that tell me she really like the way I look and remark about how I treat my wife. So this is acknowledgement and recognition on her part, telling me how she would otherwise feel if I wasn’t married.
B. Flirting
People can also be flirty for the sake of ‘testing’ or ‘edging’ for a romantic or intimate connection. Innuendo, teasing, touching, tangible behaviours are all for the sake of trying to get the ball of mutual attraction rolling.
Example of flirting: A woman so happened to drive into the driveway the same time as I did. She was right behind me. As we exited our corresponding cars, she smiled at me and with a hint of awkwardness, said, “I followed you”. I think it took her a bit to get that out of her, because she’s seen me a few times already. If I was single at the moment, I would have responded, “Are you going to follow me home too?” Alas, I couldn’t respond that way, because I am married and my wife just walked out of the car. That woman quickly turned 180 and walked away.
I think it's because a lot of girls generally don't proactively flirt. Girls naturally do it and don't understand what they do/when they do it. They just notice that commonly when a guy is being kind he's also flirting. So they connect kindness to flirting. Or just giving someone your attention to flirting.
They're entirely different things. Flirting is more akin to teasing/being playful, but with a sexual nature to it. Someone might be kind, because they like you or they might be kind because that's who they are. But being kind and flirtation are not one and the same. Flirting is more about the type of eye contact, light teasing, subject matter, body language and so on.
For example, a guy walking up and saying "I like that skirt" is not flirting. He might just like the outfit, he might be gay as fuck. He might be using that as an excuse to start a conversation. But that one thing is not flirtation.
A guy walking up, making eye contact, smiling and waiting for you to notice before saying "You look good today". That is flirting. There's that sexual element that was just injected into the moment. There's a different vibe to it. But it doesn't have to be that serious. A guy could also walk up and lightly tease you for looking good today. Like if he says, "look at this girl. Comin in here lookin all good. Makin these girls jealous. Stooop it". That's teasing/playful/flirtatious.
He is touchy (in a flirty way). People who are just being kind is just that, kind, no unnecessary physical contact). You catch him staring at you or glancing at you few times or more (if he was just being kind with you he wouldn’t give a shit what you’re doing when you’re from across the room).
He talks to his friends about you. (well, this we can't really know unless you ask his friends.)
And he reaches out to you through texting or chatting to talk to you (even tho there’s nothing important to talk about).
It's the same thing... flirting is being friendly with a person you are attracted to. Sometimes it's intentional sometimes it's not... sometimes it's innocent other times it's not. It's a natural dynamic between the opposite sex. Most of the time we don't mean to. It's just the dynamic that naturally occurs.
I've actually had flirty exchanges with women as well. The issues occur if when you take the flirting up a notch and involve touching and excessive compliments and actually asking them out or to exchange contact info. That's when you are hitting on them and if you have a significant other and not in an open situationship that it's inappropriate. Otherwise it's just being friendly. The separation is the attraction or lack thereof.
Assume its kindness unless they say/do something that makes it obvious they like you. E. g. "I like you" or *kisses you*. EVEN IF SOMEONE IS VERY KIND IT DOESN'T MEAN THEY LIKE YOU. So many times dudes have thought I liked them by analysing my body language and eye contact etc. I'm just shy, awkward and a kind person... doesn't mean I like you. Dudes have told me things about my mannerisms like facial expressions and things I do with my eyes etc. to justify why they think I like them. I'm so baffled as to how people have the time to notice such minute details. Do you even focus on the conversation? (Tip: Focus on the conversation and stop trying to analyse if the person is flirting, they are more likely to like you if you are a good listener/conversationalist anyway).
Physical proximty. Anyone can be kind, but a flirt will probably linger in your personal space longer than is "normal". A kind person will just do the deed with a smile and retreat back to where they came from. They're less interested in YOU but more of doing the deed and getting back on with their day.
I personally think it's rather easy to tell when a guy is interested in you because (i. e. in western countries) they will often compliment you. If not, they will act differently with you than with other girls or look you in a certain way...
A guy who is only being kind/ friendly won't compliment you in the same way. They may even ask questions about you and talk to you a lot, but if they aren't showing more interest than that, than they don't like you that way.
If you see him expressing caring gestures to others besides you, then that's kindness. If he doesn't show concern for anyone else but you, then that "act" of kindness is "just a show" to woo you as a part of his flirting schemes.
That's the way I see things. You don't have to take my word for it.
Flirting means they have the Eyes on the Prize. Kindness means they are basically being decent people. Always presume kindness unless you have explicit evidence of flirting. If they really want you, they'll ramp up their game. If they don't, then don't bother, there is plenty of cooze that's not stupidly coy.
Excellent question. In general I have so many guys who give me the impression that they’ve mistook my kindness for flirting in general: if I don’t hunt that we should go out I make excuses and I don’t reply back right away then I was being kind as opposed to flirting. If I make excuses when you do ask me out then that’s kindness not flirting and politeness
I'm seeing a lot of opinions saying that the difference between the two is, kindness means they don't expect anything in return, flirting means they do want something in response to how they're acting. Guys, you're not wrong, but you're not understanding that the difficulty comes with trying to figure out if the person being kind/flirting does or doesn't want something in return. That's what we're trying to figure out here.
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