Flirting with a long-distance friend, bad idea?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend I'm extremely attracted to. In both a physical and non-physical way. We talk every day, whether via text, chat, skype, or phone. I confide a lot of things, personal things, to him, and feel like I can tell him anything.

We call each other "BFFs" and I rag on him for his girlfriend problems and he rags on me for my boyfriend problems. Admittedly, there is a mutual flirtation beneath the surface, and we've both said mildly suggestive things to each other at one point or another.

We remain "just friends" despite it. I have no plans moving to where he lives and he has no plans moving back here. So, there shouldn't be any reason why we should be too concerned with our feelings for one another. I also really like the person I'm currently dating, but he doesn't know anything about this friend of mine.

Is it wrong to continue our friendship in such a fashion? If I like him, should I tell him? Or would that just not be fair to either one of us? Flirting is harmless, right? The truth is, if he lived here, I think we'd probably be more than friends. What should I do?

[rdr005]

I have a love interest... but I also have a friend that I joke with and "flirt" with just for fun. The difference here is that I flirt only in an openly joking manner with no deep feelings, and my love interest also knows that I do that with her, and she also knows her personally. I think if you two can flirt, knowing that its just a joke and that its not serious, I'd say its OK to a point... but that if you can't do it without getting feelings... you should stop. Also... if you can't tell your boyfriend, its probably not right. Try to let him know in a very casual way one day... possibly even convincing him to joke about one of your female friends in a flirtatious manner. I don't believe saying certain (and there's a fine line) things to someone else other than your love interest is wrong... but there are boundaries, and it can't be done in secret. It may be easier to tell your boyfriend for the simple fact that you are long distance... then again... how do you define long distance? The next town over is still fairly close.

But all in all, from what I gather... you don't seem to be doing this in a joking manner and it can be very dangerous for the friendship. I'd stop if I were you and leave the flirting for your boyfriend instead.

[ArtistBboy]

*Brakes screech* -> You're CURRENTLY dating someone yet have feelings for someone else?

WHOA WHOA WHOA! Look, if you have feelings for someone other than who you're dating then you need to clear your head and weigh the pros and cons -> Then you need to make a decision.

I mean -> I would die for my best friend, sh*t especially if she liked me that way; but if you flirted with me and I figured out your dating someone else, it would be the same story in a repeat fashion which would KILL me yet again and in the end I wouldn't know when or where you'd be sincerely interested.

So you've got a few choices:

- Dump current boyfriend and go after this friend of yours

- Keep current boyfriend and don't go after this friend of yours

Regardless of the outcome you guys will always be friends.. friends for long periods of time rarely ever let tiny things get between them. Sure there are arguments just like everywhere else in life; but do you really think you dating someone else is gonna make him not be your friend? If so, then he's not genuine about the friendship, his interests, etc.. A guy like that should learn to speak up about what HE wants from life.

~ ArtistBBoy

[madame_nicole]

Sailed that ship...it gets messy. Next thing you know, his girlfriend hates your guts, and maybe your boyfriend hates him in turn (assuming one or both of them catch wind). Eventually she/he are going to wonder who that person is who keeps calling/texting you all the time. When you're flirting that close to home, it can get fugly with other parties involved, and you may end up creating some real problems for each other in your separate love lives.

[flirty25]

I be same problem but wit a guy who I get to see on business trips very often , we keep in touch. Sounds like there is a connection there but why not give it a go he may be right , n u could be with wrong guy I think u shud suggest meeting and that will let the cat fall among the pigeons

[n1ck95chy]

as a guy I have a long distance friend who is a girl and I had feelings for her and it turned out she did too. were both 16 and ill be getting my license this soon and were going to try to meet up, but ever since we admitted liking each other, things have been kinda distant. I don't know but I think things would of been better if I had waited until I could make realistic plans to see her to tell her how I felt. whatever were still getting along good but my advice is to just stay "bffs" "we called each other that too" until you actually can go further in a relationship. hope this helps

[Anonymous]

How far is the distance? Why did he move?

[Opinion Owner]

*I'm confused as to why he wouldn't move there, or you couldn't move to where he is...it sounds like you two have more than friendship potential...

[Asker]

Several states away. A good 1000+ miles away. We met while he was living here for an internship, and he went back home after the job was over. He's got a job back home that's important to him, and I've got my own set of issues tying me to where I live.