Girls, seriously, if you start giving the cold shoulder to a guy who is interested and then he ignores you?

[Anonymous]

Why would you go back and start talking to him again and try to get his attention? What is the reasoning behind it? I'm not asking "why a certain girl is doing that?" why do YOU do it? Really, help me out here. You ignore him first, I'm thinking obviously because you don't like all the attention he is giving you and then when he stops giving attention, you go to him. Did you change your mind? You like attention? what?

Updates

+1 y

I talked to her today, very casual, like nothing happened. Big smile on her face and she is short and I just love the way she kinda tilts her head up to look into my eyes with a big smile. I asked her "did you miss talking to me?" She said "sure"

Updates

+1 y

Then I went "im not convinced" and walked away then she said "yes, I would much rather talk to you than not" so yeah, I guess you can call that a point for us guys, why play all these silly games? Just tell the truth, it shall set you free lol.

[themastaplan]

the simple answer is girls love attention...they will tell you how annoying it is when you give it but when you stop they are like what the heck...you've put the ball in her court, you've shown that you want to give her attention and possibly more...now you've stopped and she's all like why isn't he contacting me as often and blah blah...girls are crazy like that, seriously tho. I have not met one girl who doesn't like attention...EVEN WHEN THEY COMPLAIN ABOUT IT, deep down they really like it because it gives them something to gossip over...when it stops they wonder why, "is he still intersted?" "is he with another girl" etc...its crazy man, trust me I know and it sucks...but some girls can't get a grasp on what's important in life or what they want...those are the ones who usually end up divorsed and misreable...go after what you want...if they don't want you back then move on...youre between 25-29 its not time for games anymore, its time to be serious...if of course, that's what you want...

good luck man, keep your head up, don't fall for the games!

[Asker]

She is relatively young (20) and I'm 25. What attracted me to her was her maturity (for some things), personality, humor. What I did notice is that she acts exactly like the typical girl in cartoons when she likes the guy but hates the idea, because her whole personality shifts around, we do talk and we do laugh but there's a lot of sarcasm and playful meaness in her comments. I haven't talked to her in a week and she seems a lot more quiet around others. We all have 2 grow up sometime. Thanks man

[themastaplan]

yes we all do and some will sooner than later...it seems like things are OK after your response, just try to look out for yourself...what are her goals? where does she see herself in a couple of years...im a week away from 24 so I know what id like, you may know what youd like...she may be on a different podeum as far as what she wants to do with her life...maybe she wants to move somewhere far away...just look out for your best interests

[art84]

She just wanted you to notice her so she changed up her appearance for you.

[Surfinforlife]

themasterplan, Great answer.

I have one question. I'm in the same boat as the question asker.

She was all over me (initiating calling me, texting, etc.) Finally after 3 months I told her I liked her. She then started giving me the cold shoulder and is suddenly (really busy). I WANT HER, but I don't want to disrespect myself and completely throw myself at her. She'll probably love it at first but then lose attraction for me (because I was no challenge). How can I catch her & keep her?

[Yeahhbro]

Probably...but you gotta think that this girl is trying to manipulate you and seems to be more into game playing than an actual relationship. Do you really want to have a relationship with somebody like that? Games don't stop there, they keep going into the relationship. Do you really want to be with somebody like that? Or do you want to be with somebody who takes her time getting to know you, doesn't play games, enjoys the moment and just goes with the flow?.

Women that do this make really sh*tty girlfriends TRUST me.

[Asker]

Well, I haven't fallen for it. I just made a point of saying that she admitted liking talking to me when she acted like she didn't, so she was just playing hard to get. I'm not gonna ask her out or anything yet, I have to be absolutely conviced that her bull is gonna stop. I'm gonna give her a little more attention and if she starts, I'll just remind her of her little statement there and just ignore her and keep doing it until she grows up, which may be a long way ahead. Thanks for the advice

[Yeahhbro]

You should just call the shots, tell her to stop bullsh*tting and to get serious. Don't be angry but be like this is not going to work for me. Be the MAN take charge.

[toulouse]

I have ignored a guy because I liked him and I did not want to like anyone. I did not want to get too emotional. Or at all emotional. I needed to focus on other things. When I realized, or decided, it was OK to like him. I also realized I might have hurt him. I tried to start talking again. He did talk, but he gave me a hard time about it for a vey long time . Then I stopped just to give him space and he got mad at me for ignoring him, So I started talking then he got mad that I was talking to him. He just made everything vey difficult for way longer than the time I had initially not talked to m for. We went to talk to each other, but he still stayed mad for a long time.

But yea, the whole time, I never changed my feelings. Just my opinion of having them and or acting on them.

[toulouse]

Of course if said guy, at ANY time he just asked me about why I did hat I did I certainly would have been entirely honest. I do not like talking about emotional things ,in real life. I assume other people, would not want to as well.

I do not want to / I choose not to invade a persons space with it -unless they ask. If hey ask it becomes about them not me, so then I am allowed, It becomes an obligation/purpose - not a personal desire.

[toulouse]

The standards implication and effort are entirely different culturally for girls and guys.

A girl giving a cold shoulder is dispelling the myth of being clingy-Tho not the most proficient way. If a guy does it he is just being a guy.

It is assumed girls are clingy dependent weak, unless they thoroughly do the opposite. It is assumed guys are dignified strong and independent unless they thoroughly do the opposite.

Girls have more at stake giving attention as far as denigration is concerned.

[toulouse]

btw QA does it really occur to you that EVERYONE talks to people thy like ? Many people specifically do not talk to people because they like them so much. Nt ALWAYS the reason but very often. Just nervous or uncertain unsure of the other persons feelings no time etc.

Surely you have at some point in your life, not been able to bring yourself to talk to a person you would very much have liked to communicate with? If not then simply trust, it does happen.

[Asker]

I asked her one time y she was doing that and she said that "she did not know how to deal with these kind of things". She is young and I understand that, because I went through the same thing but I guess since now I grew out of it, I expect people to do the same. Believe me, I very much want to talk to her, every time I see her and see she looks kinda sad, I know I always have something to say that can make her laugh and give me this shy little smile and "i like you" look, but its so frustrating

[toulouse]

Well then se basically told you. she is not comfortable. that's not really a cold shoulder. its an uncertain one :)

[Asker]

Well, I think its pretty much the same shoulder haha. I mean, she still acts like I'm bugging her when I pay attention to her and she never, ever, initiates contact, basically she is being cold. When I get fed up and stop talking to her she starts making jokes and teasing me about things I say and making fun of me, like saying "hey, I'm here, gimme attention" and when I do, she acts annoyed, so after a few of those I just stopped talking to her and now its been a week of her trying to talk.

[toulouse]

oh. that's kind of obnoxious. I was thinking of someone saying "I just don't know how to deal with these things " sounded a bit melo-dramatic. after ll f she can tell you that much she's already able to talk about it. plus you made it easy by asking her. perhaps she likes you but is simply immature?

She does not sound like she has no control.Just like she is' using it with poor judgement. Maybe that's how she knows to deal with it-playing games?

[pakiguy]

bro, I read this whole conversation and you have no idea how identical my situation is. this girl I am talking to is finding it very hard to make it official. I always have to initiate the conversation and still she will stop texting half way in between a conversation. I even asked her is she was comfortable with me and she said yes, and also told me that she enjoys talking to me. Still she enjoys playing games. it been 48h and iv had no reply from her @toulouse, what do you have to say about this?

[toulouse]

If she likes talking to you then other things keeping he from it. Not everyone has relationships as a priority.

[Asker]

Thats true. If a girl likes talking to you, she will try to talk to you eventually if you aren't paying attention to her. The thing I like about this particular girl is that we are both very alike and we tend to think the same way. I like her a lot and sometimes I will stop talking to her to see if she starts a conversation with me or says something to me and more often than not, she does. If I didn't like a girl who started ignoring me, I wouldn't even worry about it, I'd feel relieved.

[toulouse]

"Thats true. If a girl likes talking to you, she will try to talk to you eventually if you aren't paying attention to her. "

I MEAN MASYBE SHE HAS OTHER THINGS IN HER LIFE KEEPING HER FROM TALKING TO YOU. SHE NMAY BE BUSY WITH WORK OR SCHOOL OR JUST WANT HER OWN SPACE. I DID NOT MEAN 'OTHEER THINGS' WEWRE YOUR BEHAVIOR.

sorry bout the caps:)

[Lyndsay8444]

Guys do the same annoying thing. It kind of sparks people's interest when they have a challenge, for both sexes. The reverse thing happened with me! Some guy was really interested, and I wasn't. I gave him a chance because he was interested and eventually let him know I was then he gave me the cold shoulder and now I'm super interested and I have no idea why! He's really not my type at all! It's the fact that he did like and now he doesn't, it like draws me to him. It's horrible! But I hate games so I'm blowing him off, and if he tries anything again he can kiss my a**. It's all about the chase. My advice to you, just keep making her chase. She was ignoring you and it sounds like playing games, so let her chase for awhile. A LONG while. Game players deserve it.

[ilikeponiesalot77]

i like when guys give me attention but not constantly where it becomes too much..

personally I give the "cold shoulder" to make a guy more challenged and motivated in

wanting to win me over. I'm not full out cold I'll glance over and talk if he decides to

approach me... but I'm not friendly where I'm tagged "just a friend"... usually that's why

i stay distant is to stay out of the friend zone.

[Asker]

That makes a lot of sense. If you are not his friend, you can't be friend zoned, its genius! I guess I shouldn't even be worrying why she isn't "friendly" to me, because probably as soon as she says "you are my friend", then all hope is lost. She has never, ever, called me her friend (she calls others "buddy"), so I guess that's good. We still talk a lot and stuff, but its pretty clear I'm not her friend, but for not being her friend, we talk a hell of a lot, so there should be something there

[ilikeponiesalot77]

exactly. I'm currently going through this with a guy and we don't act like "friends" where we do

every little thing together.. because all romance and thrill would be lost. we have short little

conversations now and then and for the time he doesn't approach me I ignore him to make him

want me more and to seem more mysterious and valuble. no girl wants to appear desperate

lol xP I say she definitely likes you and is most likely waiting for you to give her the daily attention she looks fwd to!

[gemglam]

Just some insecure girl who likes the attention of a guy that she doesn't really want. She just likes the feeling of someone wanting her. She would probably get a little hurt if he were supposed to get a girl friend and introduced them. Then she would realize that she really effed up and then start throwing herself at him. Then when he starts showing her the attention her insecure behind was looking for, she would give him the cold shoulder again. This is the type of girl who doesn't know what she wants. So he shouldn't waste his time. She is still trying to find herself and really she should be searching for a map to Womanhood (cuz that down right childish behavior). My suggestion Run as fast and as far away as you can.

[miki94]

I ignore him because: 1. I think he doesn't like me and I don't want anyone to now I like him

2. I know that if I ignore him he will wonder why, and that is a manipulative, and an effective tool to make him run after you or pay attention to you.

I start talking to him again because: 1. I got over the fact that he doesn't care and now I moved on so I don't mind talking to him.

2. The ignoring strategy backfired and he is ignoring me too, so suddenly talking to him will confuse him even more reaching the original goal.

This applies if the guy flirts with me and I'm not sure what he feels, but I have a crush on him.

If I don't have a crush on him, I'll just act normal not bothering with any of these childish and pointless "games".

[Asker]

So it would be safe to assume that MOST regular functioning females would not bother with these childish games if they were not interested? I know that if I find out a girl I'm not attracted to had a crush on me and I found out about it, I wouldn't really try and get her attention after she stopped talking, but that's me.

[miki94]

If I caused him to stop talking to me because I< stopped first then I would start talking to him again. If he just stopped by himself, I would back of for good. =(

[toulouse]

if you think they are childish and POINTLESS why would you do it at all. even if you like a guy what point is a truly pointless act?

[miki94]

Even though they originally serve no practical and logical purpose in improving our relationship, they work as an emotional crutch for me, or as a safety net if you will. It helps me shield myself because I'm very shy and introverted. I >know< it's pointless and childish, but I do it since I can't pick up enough courage to do something concrete and mature about my crush. Even if I attempt it I studder and fail. Which brings me right back to this silly behavior I even sometimes do unconsciously.

[miss_headphones]

I will admit that I have done this before. The thing is, I honestly don't set out to do it on purpose; I generally end up questioning internally whether or not the guy's intent is genuine, or if he is just looking for a good time. This in turn makes me lose self confidence, and I come across as shutting down or 'going cold' because I simply feel put on the spot and I'm not sure how to respond. By the time I realize that (i) his intent was genuine and (ii) I honestly wish I had said something cleverer in reply, it's a bit too late and he's ignoring me. Which, I am sure you will agree, really sucks. Story of my life!

[Icaro]

Hmm that's pretty honest and insightful. Good to know. But tell me, how can I know the difference between the "unsure" girl and the "not interested" one?

[Asker]

I have to say that she knows my interest is genuine. Like right now, we "are not talking" but we talk ALL THE TIME, and its such a big difference that people notice we are not talking. We have mutual friends and we were hanging out and some friends saw us like in opposite sides of the room and were like "you are both so quiet, you aren't talking to each other?" lol its like we aren't being ourselves if we are not bugging each other. I miss her a lot, but she needs to stop playing these games

[flozz]

This answer is amazing, I do that EXACT same thing.

[miss_headphones]

@ Icaro: the "unsure" girl will look at you when she thinks you are not looking, and if you happen to catch her looking at you, she will look away. The "uninterested" girl will not look at you at all, whether this is out of pure ignorance of the fact that you are there, or the malicious intent to make it known that she does not want to see you, far less speak to you. You will be able to tell whether or not she is trying to be malicious!

[miss_headphones]

@OP: I've read your comment here, and your update. Honestly, it sounds like there is a good possibility that she doesn't know what she wants. Acting interested sometimes, keeping away others...I think it would do you some good to take a step back. You've put the ball in her court, and there's no reason to show your entire hand when she's clearly holding out. Let her miss you, now. If she initiates, it's a good sign. If not, you might want to try to put this one behind you.

[Anonymous]

If I like a guy a little too much, I might try to ignore him or avoid the situation entirely. I can be interested, and not shy, but if I have a crush or am incredibly attracted to a guy, I will shy away. Partially because I'm too nervous to know what to say, and partially because I don't want to be painfully obvious and look like a fool. I might ... stumble over my words, give stupid replies, giggle too much, fidget, who knows lol. (When I'm nervous, I'm VERY obvious.) When I've "gone back" it was because I changed my mind in a manner speaking. I went from thinking "this is too risky" to "you only live once".

For me, this isn't the case for all guys I'm attracted too. This has only rarely ever happened to me. In each case, it was someone I had drooled over and fantasized about before hand lol.

[Anonymous]

I don't really think it's anything about a "challenge" or a way to flirt because for me I ignore a guy who is interested in me only when I'm interested in him. See, not every girl knows when a guy likes her, and for some of us, even the guys who pay tons of attention to us might not like us. I'm always afraid of falling for guys who flirt with everyone, so I ignore them because it's safer than putting myself out there. And even for guts who aren't so flirty that I take interest in: I don't want to trick myself into thinking he likes me if he doesn't, so I ignore him. I mean, if he talks to me I definitely respond, but I don't say anything first out of fear for him being annoyed with me.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she genuinely doesn't know that you're interested. There are girls who don't pick up on these things, I just happen to be one of them myself. Unless someone blatantly asked me, I'd be clueless as to whether the guy was interested in me or not. It could me that she was weighing the pros & cons to dating you. Or perhaps she wasn't initially attracted to you & now she is.

Personally, I usually give guys the cold shoulder if they've done or said something offensive. I'll go cool my jets first before talking to him again. Another reason would be if he's a major flirt & just flirts with everyone or if I found he had a girlfriend & still flirted with me (I really don't guys like that).

[minkymoo]

themastaplan, I couldn't agree more! these games are for when you're a teenager, surely 'grown-ups' would realize that. If you truly respect and care for someone then you wouldn't be trying to trick them, get one over on them or manipulate their feelings to make them more appealing to you or you to them! If you both actually care for each other then there should be no need to chase them or get them to chase you!

Honesty and ability to talk openly without it being used against you in some game to get them to chase you and make your ego feel better is surely more of a recipe for a lasting relatiionship! I for one am sick to death of people 'playing games' people need to grow up!

[minkymoo]

I think some women although they know a guy is interested don't feel like he is giving them quite enough of what they want/need so they give him the cold shoulder so that he steps it up a bit but the trouble is as soon as the woman gets what she needs and starts returning the affection it seems to turn the guy off and then we get the cold shoulder, some women see it as a challenge to get back their man some (like me ) would feel rejected and maybe give them the cold shoulder again so that they come back to you (its not what I do but its what I seem to be observing these days) why are these games played? just seems pointless to me!

[AmberChick]

The girl is testing him to see whether or not the guy will put up with her bullsh*t. They have to see whether or not you will come crawling to her because she ignores you. Since you didn't, she's upset. And so yes, she also wants the attention, too, I guess. Guys aren't the only ones who like the chase.

[AmberChick]

Update: sounds like she told you the truth. will you ask her out, though?

[badassbackstroker69]

i don't think she's playing a game, I think she's genuinely confused about how she feels for you. my ex was an ass to me. so I was mad at him, but after a while he softened up and tried harder for me, so not having him AND seeing his softer side is what made me like him again. But he only wants me A. for sex or B. when I'm not interested. So when I liked him again, all he wanted was sex and he hurt me, and left me mad at him again. vicious cycle.

[emilyg]

Personally, attention kinda bores me once I have it. It's the idea of not being able to obtain his interest that keeps me intrigued because it means it's a challenge, I wouldn't want everything laid out right in front of me because it takes away the the drama and the idea of the unknown. Don't always tell a girl what you're thinking- make her beg for it.

[rayshaPeez]

This is incredibly childish and I hope to never meet anyone like you. What a waste of time!

[Anonymous]

When she starts to realize that you don't really care about her anymore it makes her wonder if she made a mistake & some girls seem to think your always going to be there no matter what she does. Don't ever give in to a girl like that because you will regret it unless you only want a short time fling with her. You have to have zero tolerance when it comes to women who mess with your head or play games because they never stop & relationships with them never work, ever..

[preciousAndré]

Beautifully Said!

[Anonymous]

Maybe she doesn't know how you really feel about her. Have you made a move and asked her out? The only reason she may be giving you the cold shoulder is because she's getting mixed signals from you. Instead of ignoring her, why don't you tell her how you really feel.

[Anonymous]

at the strat of a relationship I like to give the guy the cold shoulder purposly to keep him interested and on his feet and also so he will keep contacting me as I don't want to look to clingy. When the guy after a while doesn't contact me I wonder why and then I woudl contact him that's just me anyways :)

[sineadocl]

when your right there in front of her there's less of a challenge. girls like a challenge, if you still like her, be hard to get now that you've got the lead if ya know what I mean :D

[Asker]

Haha yeah, she has been trying to talk to me "indirectly" , like making comments on stuff I talk to other people about or laughing at jokes I tell other people and that she overhears somehow, or making faces if I say I like a certain thing (like a gagging kind of face, my friends have seen her) but she hasn't approached me directly, she is a chicken. Should I just keep waiting? Lol, its childish and ridiculous, but she needs a scolding haha

[sineadocl]

I'd say leave it for a while longer until she can't stop thinkin about ya.. don't not talk to her cos that's just awkward, but talk to other girls aswell to make her jealous and then show her that she's special. don't be too nice cos she'll be put right off you. goood luck :D

[Asker]

I have noticed (could be a coincidence) that if I talk to any other girl she would immediatly look at my direction. One time I made this girl laugh hard, she looked at me and gave me an evil eye

[sineadocl]

its working for ya then :D keep on keepin on :D

[themastaplan]

hes between 25-29...games aren't fun anymore, he needs a mature girl who won't play games or want a challenge...its just retarded...i remember graduating high school and thinking to myself "ahh finally, mature women ahead in life" ... then reality hit and I realized I was hanging around the wrong girls...i eventually found a whole bunch who are mature...dont get me wrong no one likes anyone to throw themselves at them but at some point the "games" need to stop...

[Pampelune]

I think she's not really interested in you but rather in the attention you give her. She must need an ego booster. Which means, she's a very insecure girl and you don't need her ;)

[TheWhiteFreshPrince]

Not a clue, but I have noticed the same thing and I'm sick of it lol. Makes me not like a girl anymore if she does that kinda crap to me...

[LenaK]

I think I had a very similar situation myself so i`d love to talk about how a girl and a guy view such a situation. pls message me if you`d like to discuss it as well.

[art84]

I've never had a girl try to get my attention after ignoring me for obvious reasons whatever they. The most I have ever had would be a girl dressing up sexy trying to attract attention or get me to notice her.

[Asker]

Speaking of which, I noticed that she went through 4 different hairstyles in a week (right after we stopped talking) she straightened it and she looked very nice, but since I didn't know if it was so I noticed her, I didn't say anything haha, she usually doesn't wear make up either, and I noticed that too, its interesting to say the least.

[Chocobo93]

I've never been in this position, but I might give him the cold shoulder because I've been told that most guys don't want their girl to be too easy.

[JewFroJoey]

Not true. Girls think that. If a guy told you that, he's just telling you that because he thinks you want to hear it.

[Chocobo93]

Huh, interesting.

[TheWhiteFreshPrince]

Say what?

[Icaro]

C'mon, you should think for yourself, not just follow what other people tell you. Be your own person girl.

[Anonymous]

most guys shouldn't put up with that. girls like that deserved to be cheated on

[Anonymous]

She probably likes someone else better. After getting with them & getting dumped or it not working out, she'll come to you. So in other words your just their back-up, second choice. In most cases

[Anonymous]

i like the attention and I normally ended up missing him, its all about the chase...i am still in love with my x and it has been back and forth feelings since 7th grade we are freshman in college now

[JewFroJoey]

Girls don't like when the guys are too easy. They then believe that guys think the exact same way.

[preciousAndré]

Basically, girls who give the cold shoulder are "daddy's girls" who got all they wanted from Dad with the cold shoulder tactic, and Bro, if uu can't be her real dad, simply back off, cos she won't stop using the tactic.

[sarsistarr]

Im asking the complete opposite of this! Hahaha I really don't get how a guy could act all interested then the next day wake up and decide he doesn't wanna contact the girl anymore!

[R080d]

Maybe it's because he assumes that the girl isn't into him and gave up?

[gemglam]

No guys really like a challenge. So you have to give them that but continue to show interest. The problem with us women is that we think that we need to over do it. If a guy likes you, he likes you but don't lose your strong values (this doesn't not mean acting like a biatch) but just be yourself and do what you would do for anyone else. So no its not OK to jump through hoops and neglect yourself because of your guy. It comes off as needy when you are always available to a guy. Balance is key.

[flozz]

RIGHT! I feel you on this one!

[toulouse]

...Problem with us women is that we think that we need to over do it. I... don't lose your strong values

u THINK you need to overdo something? You recognize it is inappropriate and feel the need to do something you do not think you should do? How can you think this way yet have 'strong values

No one should not neglect their life. that's not advice for women.

Can you practice saying i, because many people with vaginas do not act absurd because thy like someone. It does not have to control girls or guys

[Anonymous]

Because now that he's calmed down & not all over us, he isn't as annoying.

[hoodni99a]

means she just wants the attention you gave her

[Anonymous]

She likes the attention, not the guy

[Anonymous]

Dont want to seem all clingy and needy

[gemglam]

oops that was just supposed to read Guys really like a challenge without the no in front lol

[flozz]

I agree