I met this dude yesterday. He did a bunch of impersonations and had there been a wall between us, it wouldve been hard to guess if he was black, white, hispanic, etc because of how convincing they all sounded. You would've really thought he wouldve been using the ghost face voice translator with all the stereotypical tones of voice and shit he was doing/saying. đ He then proceeds to âsound like a black guyâ (and of all things only speaks gang gang) and goes on to say that black women have always been either too much for him or not enough so that he prefers to just date outside his ethnicity. He then continues on to say that they're either too ghetto or too white acting and that its hard to find a middle ground. Then has the nerve to say that im finally that middle ground that he can be himself with because his real voice turned out to sound âeducated as hellâ as he claims but really the looney sounded like a damn Steve Urkel or Einstein or some shit. But Lmao dude really tried to proceed to flirt with me after saying that shit. He really thought I was gone give him the time of day after he practically dissed his own ethnic race to my face. And the ninja wonder why we be looking to date outside our race too half the time đ¤Śââď¸ But honestly, even with the stupid shit his ass said, iâll always prefer my own race first (just not with this dude) because I don't know it makes me feel at home. doesn't mean i won't marry/date another ethnicity. But if you gave me a ken doll of every ethnicity and they all looked alike aside from skintone then iâd choose the one who relates to my culture the most đ¤ˇââď¸ Lmao I won't lie. I felt triggered as shit. He made me feel like no one outside my race ever made me feel. Shit i Had to go listen to these 4 songs after. Beyonce really just understood me at the moment with âDont Hurt Yourselfâ (see below) đ #FeelFreeToList#RaceDebates #Heelarious#TheDesiiDiaries
I've been told that im too much for them
I've been told that im not enough for them
Iâve been told both
I haven't been told that but i certainly felt that
I haven't been told either nor felt that way
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Please select your age
Have you ever been told by the opposite sex that you’re too much OR not enough for them?
I have been told in surprisingly smart And or rational â for a womanâ. I get it they gave shares views of women but men op lol itâs not as if men are automatically rational. I mean... when people talk this way itâs as if theyâve never been out in the world with real people. {this just lets me know what their attack will be the second I displease Them. The second they donât like something it will be â you are being irrational â}
Or â refreshingly not annoying The way older women areâ.
... funniest to me is a guy Praising a woman for her youth. As of older woman are automatically annoying. A guy literally tried to date me based on the fact older women gave a personality flaw.. like dude.. _I_ will be âolderâ one day.. tomorrow in fact l. 🙄 Also just Makes them look nuts.
what I find crazy is some people take these things as compliments. Instead of seeing how they are just demeaning and arrogant.
I just realized I never directly answered the question.. I got side tracked by situations what your ordeal reminded me of.
YES. I have been told Iâm too much or not enough.
I think too much I ask too many questions I donât talk enough I Am too intense I am indifferent
I may be a thousand things like any of us, but what people complain about seems to be based on their mood. What I noticed is the complainers... What they complain ABOUT is usually erratic. The consistency is in the complaining.
My guess is it is like that in most cases. Not really About the target , but the pleasure in complaining and entitlement Iâm doing so.
When people want to communicate and solve problems- they do just that. Complaining is what 3 year olds do Bc they lack the cognitive skill for effective communication and problem solving. .. Though some seem better at it than adults who love to complain. Bc when a three year old dies it they do it out of frustration Bc they canât communicate effectively... it isnât a past time. Or art form lol
Iâm glad you have no qualms about moving on from these people. Waste of mental space
Didn't vote as I wasn't sure which one applied but every black guy I dated has said something along the lines of I must be a Dyke, I'm too white, I'm weird or I'm not too dark, but not light but that's cool or basically tried to claim, I was dumb because I wasn't bragging about what my ideas were for my future prospects...
I sometimes got that my ass wasn't enough to have a black card or that i talked too white. But the majority of black dudes still like me HOWEVER that was usually the ones darker than me because everyone seems to go for whats lighter than them now
I responded to the guy you were commenting on but I'm dismissed a lot and not even considered to be included In anything despite how kind or friendly I am. My being seems to piss people off.
No because I'm not flash or cocky, people think when you are confident accept all you are including you're flaws and don't let it put yourself down. They think that makes you a narcassist, self obsorbed or stuck up etc. I am not those things, people like that would never compliment or offer you guidance to improve yourself as your lack of confidence only serves to boost their image... As you'll be gassing them up simply because deep down you envy them kmt... I'm all for everyone reaching their full potential, I literally mother everyone, that wants /needs it...
I dont feel thats what beyonces vid entails tho. She wasn't saying she was better. She just loved herself and knew her worth. Besides her song was about jay z cheating on her with someone nonblack anyways
I've been told that I'm not enough for them. Not like directly, nobody said I'm too good for you, but I've been told I'm not very handsome, and I know that I've been rejected by my financial status in the past, so I know how it feels. Also, of the only two relationships I've been in, the second one ended because of my financial status. She didn't say anything but I knew she wasn't happy that I couldn't afford to take her to some places, or buy her stuff, and I'd always tell her that she was too good for me, and we just ended up emotionally distant. I earn a lot more now, and I'm not even the same person physically, because I lost weight a lot, but I've not pursued a relationship after my change, so all the rejections were from past issues.
I think so too. My change was an excelent boost of confidence, but I'm not forcing meeting potential long term partners. I want her to come randomly, because that's when the attraction is sweetest.
But the thing is, dude was black himself. And he got offended when i was like âokay coming from a black dude i see...â and he was like IM NOT BLACK IM African American BECAUSE MY MOM IS BLACK American AND MY DAD IS ACTUAL African FROM AFRICA
They can get now what they couldnt get/have back in slave times ig. Everyones got more options these days since its more diverse and less racist so they going outside the box (literally) đ
Yea the choc skintone dudes like me cause im a redbone. Then the redbone dudes like me cause im a redbone. But then the yella bone dudes only go for like white and hispanic. Like i said, everyone looking for someone lighter than them apparently. I've even been guilty of it before in the past
I have to agree with this and light skinned men especially hate black dark women... They're another type of racist. I've experienced a lot of competition from them. Sounds weird right. But without sounding arrogant or whatever I dress well (not expensive or designer) but I'm always complimented. I also am told I'm pretty. I have medium to long hair but I really care for it because well I care for myself. Whenever I come across these guys they instantly don't like me because my sense of self worth doesn't make me bow and scrap at their feet. So they brsnftme stuck up, if they talk to me and hear I'm doing well, got my own place lived alone since 19 etc etc they get angry and dismiss me. I've been subjected to the most psychological abuse from these types of men because they can't handle that I see them as my equal. And FYI I'm like this with everyone.
@lilyanony1 yea iâve been called stuckup by black and hispanic dudes because i dont bow to their catcalling although i find it flattering and iâll smirk. And yes the dude last night was dark skinned and I don't know if he was hitting on me because im later then him or because i sound âeducatedâ as he claims. But he clearly doesn't love himself nor claim to be black because his perception of black men was always gang related and i found that sad. He tried to speak for all black men and i told him NO the ones here know how to become something from their smarts and athletic talent and he basically reacted like this waka gif below. It pissed me off that he didn't think black dudes could be better and werent all gang affiliated
He's a uncle Tom sell out black man. Weak... He prides himself on his differences and he clearly enjoys that others have these stereotypes and place them on others. Because it helps him gain the privileges others don't... He's pissing me off
@lilyanony1 yes thats why i played the beyonce song above last night. He triggered me but he doesn't realize that other races will see him at the bottom of the barrel with his stupid ass
See what I did there. No race has unity, or even close to it, white guys dream of the redheaded girl, which would be scotland or Ireland, while making fun of the stereotype of drinking like the Irish, South Americans hate Mexicans, Mexicans hate Central Americans. Most Asians I know hate everyone, but in an equal way, so I support that.
Way I see it, all you can really do is try and make people realize how damned ridiculous they sound sometimes with that crap, even if they'll just get pissed off 8/10 times, 2/10 they might actually think about what they're saying or doing.
I don't care about black problems, white problems, or any of that. We have people problems, and that stupid shit is distracting us from taking care of them. The biggest problem that bothers me is in urban and suburban settings, how many of your neighbors do you know? How long do you live in the same house, apartment, share one with roommates and know nobody that lives around you except as scenery.
Willing to bet dollars to dimes there would be a lot less problems in the country, and probably the world if we knew each other more irl, and not as objects through a virtual lens. And yes, I realize the hypocrisy there as I post online lol.
@razelove i know my neighbors. I know the whole community. But people move away or stop talking once we get bored of eachother in person. Virtual reality really is taking over. Its sad
It wasn't intentional at first, but it just slotted in so well, seriously though, that does sound bleak looking at the conversation of dating prospects. Maybe I'm just not self-aware enough of what choices I have and don't have, if so, I hope I never am.
I've never looked at anyone and thought about how much higher/lower my chances would be due to shading, or having to make classifications of it, where I sit, and how that "ranks" me. I just wander if I'm interested in them, and see if they like me or not. If there's a rhyme or reason I haven't found a pattern to it yet.
The guy who bullied me not only told me that I'm ugly and dumb and good for nothing to my face but he also made me feel like that, constantly for 2 years. We were not dating but like we had adventures together *wink*
Then there was a guy who I was seeing. If there's one thing that I absolutely can't tolerate is arrogance and that guy was maybe the most arrogant guy I had ever met. He thought he was all-knowing. I kept telling him that I don't want to keep seeing him but he insisted every time so I went.
One day he got on my nerves and I couldn't hold my anger. I slapped him as hard as I could and yelled at him.(I lose control when I get furious) I then walked away and got back home. He called me the next day and was like "Yk about yesterday, I think we shouldn't see each other anymore. You're just too much for me to handle." I just hung up and was seriously relieved.
I've started to believe that I kinda prefer dating my kind because I can relate more. I also LOVE cooking and eating homemade local food.( I don't appreciate fast food.) Foreigners might not like those kinds of foods and quite frankly, I don't expect them to relish on them either. There are other little things like that which can make me sort of incompatible with foreigners.
Not that I wouldn't date them or anything but dating can kinda hard if they expect me to change my ways.
I've been told both about many many things. To clarify, are you asking this about race, or just in general? I get that it's what got you to ask the question. Either way, I've been told I'm too intense, not present enough, that I love too much, don't love enough. Sometimes by the same people.
Culture and race have only mattered to me in dating where they're incompatible. I only ran into that once dating an Egyptian girl, fundamental Islam. First obstacle, she didn't want to be anywhere in public with me ever for fear of being disowned by her family and community. Second obstacle, she only believed in washing her genitals in line with purifying as describing in the quran, that did not last long. Between the strong smell, and honestly, feeling less like a closet whore, but more worried about that poor girl and the consequences she was playing with.
Anywho, I come on strong, fast, but I never stop being paranoid, so there are parts of me and my life that are off limits to everyone. Usually I'll come off as too much, and if I don't, I may come off as being not enough as there are parts of me that just won't be present, and some of my attention always focused on what can go wrong.
Its a general Question. I just threw a bonus story in as a not so perfect example of the situation. And wait did u say that girl hardly washed her cooch? đđ
Not hardly, never had until we met, she just used water, no soap. I don't think that's a normal thing in Islam practitioners in america, just what her and hers practiced.
Sorry, it took me a while to find where I had written that down at, and it was a long time ago. But, yeah, just abrasives and water were what she used. She smelled fine until her pants came off, then it smelled like a beach at low-tide, amplified by the fact that I was pulling her pants off to go down on her. I asked her to take a shower with me, she explained things, I said there's nothing to be ashamed of, and the smell was really no better.
So I did what any good man would and skipped going down on her, thrusted to victory, then used some vapo-rub and cuddled. Honestly I have no clue whatsoever what direction she expected things to go, I doubt she did either.
Honestly, that part is minor as hell when I would think about where things would go if we had stuck together. It goes one of three ways, our relationship is always hidden, I convert to a religion I do not believe in, or she loses everyone she loves in her life for the title of anathema.
That's how black men are in the states to sadly. They are the only race of men who down, ridicule, trash their race of women's beauty for being the same skin tone. Colorism is rampant in the black community in the USA, sadly it is from all the years of conditioning, white supremacy, and media promotion that only shows and says white women and any other race of woman that's close to whiteness is beautiful. It's really sad but it is what it is, in year 2020 I hope more black women expand their options when it comes to dating and finding love stop holding their love life hostage cause if it's not a black man who's interested in them. There's plenty of ir couples with black women on YouTube who are happy and married. Im black myself and my boo is Hispanic.
Great MyTake, DizzyDesii. I laughed a few times reading it. You're a good writer. And yeah, that bone head needs to ditch that oh so charming pick up routine. He actually was stereotyping people based on race. Bottom line, he ain't genuine. He's trying to be a player. What a jerk.
Well yeah. It comes with the melanin territory. Itâs actually one of the reasons why I prefer dating outside my race because Iâve been around too many self-hating black people and honestly it is exhausting (not that Iâll never date black guys again). I donât want to hear about how Iâm pretty to be a dark skin girl. I donât want to hear their ignorant assumptions that Iâm ghetto just because they saw the skin and big ass Afro. I donât want to hear how âblack women are too independentâ and whatever NONSENSE they have to share. No thank you. If Iâm too much or if my PEOPLE are too much then stay your ass over there with the Beckyâs and Lucianaâs. I guarantee nobody will miss you, not even the mother who birthed your sorry ass.
Beckys and lucianas đ and yea he didn't being skintone into it but i was just shocked because he was like gucci mane black and basically didn't wanna be black. Even though i know him in person, his pfp on this one app (when i did my research lol) turned out to be a hot hispanic dude that he's posing as. The self hatred is real. But i just can't get over the fact he thought iâd still want him after that convo
The opposite sex doesn't fuck with me lol. I'm introverted but I have a strong personality if that makes sense. I definitely will go toe to toe with a mf and guys dont like that about me. Especially black guys. I get labeled as having an attitude problem on the regular because I either don't say much to em or if I do, I don't let em say whatever they want to me.
This guy was typical. A lot of black guys use that excuse of black girls being angry and having attitudes, basically stereotyping tf outta black women. He was a clown and I would've given him a circus. Dumbass.
Yea i dont have a strong attitude but they claim im too much because i do everything right and always have stuff prepared or planned out. Last year dudes said inwas a perfectionist and that bothered them. And yea the guy above was a mess lol. I can't get over him saying he's not black because only his mom is black while His dad is from africa đ
Oh Africans really don't mess with blacks. You know who is African and he used to slip up and say little shit. And the bitches he messed with while we were talking were white. With the exception of one I believe.
I think the race matters less than the individual and the culture you're brought up in, there are just some differences. I don't get along with every white girl. I dated a black girl years ago and she was a really nice. Her friends were cool. The culture difference was apparent im the way we normally socialized, music tastes etc but we both liked early 2000s rock which I played/sang for her. She wasn't "too much" though, we were just different. I think the too much thing is loosely applied to anyone who is even slightly perceived as socially outgoing.
That's... uh... was he kidding? I can see how it can be seen as controlling to be fair, I feel like when someone says "I am in charge of the daily schedule/routine" it comes across as controlling, but I think it's because a lack of communication is probably assumed.
I wasn't saying you would control them by the way lol I was saying I think the perception is of it being controlling but because most people don't anticipate a working communicative relationship
You're fine, some people just have different preferences I guess. You don't seem to be "Too much"
I find black women very attractive, but I've only met a handful I'd date because while many of them were physically attractive, I didn't like their attitudes. A lot of women have that though.
To answer your question, my first girlfriend was black and she broke up with me saying she didn't feel that attracted to me because I was white. I'm Puerto Rican, but I am white. Most people can't tell I'm Hispanic. But yea, she broke up with me for that reason. A lot of it was pressure from her friends and whatnot, but I got dumped because I was too white.
In this case tho, weâre both black and he dislikes black girls but liked me because i didn't seem too black. My question however was supposed to be general and not as race related as it may seem
I have been told that I am the "whitest black girl" but they didn't mind it. I minded it because that statement reveals their ignorance. Like I said in another comment, there is no such thing as "acting white/black". Just because a black woman isn't ghetto doesn't mean she's acting white. Those phrases devalue black women while simultaneously painting white women with positive stereotypes.
So no, I moved on from that. I don't want an uneducated ignorant man.
I've been told that I'm too much by every guy I met so far, just in different points in the relationships. I tell people right away that they should stay away, and if they do decide on a relationship with me (also friendship) that they should please stick around. Nobody's stuck around so far, but I'll find someone.
No i love this tho. Last year i told em how i was (but i dont consider myself too much) and most stuck around until they couldnt handle it or until i was done with them. But i find it funny that its only ever been my own race to tell me im too much while others either told me i was perfect or not enough
I'm white/caucasian and only ever been with guys my race because there are few other ethnicities here, I wanted to have a relationship with a Tunesian but he wasn't interested and honestly a huge fuckboy (had nothing to do with his "race" though).
I've been told that I'm too much, like once or twice. Never been told that I'm not enough, but given the amount of rejection that guys face on a daily basis, we don't actually NEED to be told that we're not enough, if we aren't; we just know, by simply getting ignored.
Yea one of my exes told me i was too much. He said i was just always âonâ and upbeat and diff stuff. Kinda pissed me off cause i wasn't used to being told i was too much.
It didn't bother me to be told I was too much, they meant it in a good way as a compliment. For me, at least. Maybe not everybody means it as a good thing if they say it though.
My ex fiance mom said I wasn't good enough for her daughter. And lied about it saying it was my FRIEND who said it. I confronted my friend and he was bewildered.
I was told by a crush I was too much for her. She couldn't handle my wild personality when I was in my 20s.
I never said it, but I've been told it a few times that I am too much. Mainly in relation to have a fairly complex and sometimes seemingly contradicting personality (not really contradicting, but I don't exactly fit into any stereotype).
And my ex also said that in fights and during sex I can be like an unstoppable bulldozer.
Well. Not in those words but more or less kinda just made it obvious. Saying things like, stuff is pathetic and he's sexually frustrated, always being or feeling some type of way when I come around, seems to avoid me/be alone..
Met plenty of women who werenât enough. Had girls say they didnât feel like they were good enough. Iâve never felt like anyone was too good âfor meâ.
Well that was bold... I think heâs had some awful experiences and... you know what he ainât shit... 🙄. Let him go find his white âqueenâ. So she can call the cops on him and his black ass ends up in jail.
đđđđ he never really said what he preferred. I thinkk maybe spanish? I dont recall but i know he was triggered when i said âbut youâre blackâ cause he was like I AM NOT BLACK! I AM African American BECAUSE MY MOM IS BLACK American AND MY DAD IS FROM AFRICA đ
Well I guess he is African American... you know Africans donât really be claiming us like that... heâs still ainât shit and his mama mad daddy ainât shit for not teaching him to embrace his blackness. He sounds annoying and ugly
I mean he was kinda gucci mane black which isn't a bad thing but he was no idris elba and had a stop sign shaped head i was like eehhh but you know, ima let him think he the shit. Maybe he's been attacked by black women for his skintone and felt more accepted outside his ethnicity. I don't know.
I held it in. I really did. All the voice impersonations was because he hated himself. He sounded like urkel but whenever he did an impersonation of black dudes, it was always gang related and i found that sad. He tried to speak for all black men and i told him NO the ones here know how to become something from their smarts and athletic talent and he basically reacted like this waka gif below. It pissed me off that he didn't think black dudes could be better and werent all gang affiliated
I think i was in shock. Everytime i tried to defend us, he said something just as dumb as before so shit he made me dumbfounded after a while. I just had to walk away
Why? By rejecting it, you are doin exactly what you wish to prevent by your actions, i kno u hav the bsst intentions, so please try to see that you give racism power. Think if a kkk asshoke saw this,,, ge would bs happy u are hurt
My son is puerto rican and i always tell him he does not have to steal bikes and cars, be can decide to live at home or live in la vida loca wersver that is
Being arab I do feel it sometimes. Also I can get tanned a lot so people assume I am mixed and I get "mixed" feelings reactions from guys unlike my cousin who looks more "white" for instance.
I think that dark tan skin is beautiful! I'm blonde headed and blue-eyed and white by Casper the ghost and am always jealous of people that can tan end have darker skin!
I've said that a lot tbh. I do feel paranoid about being cheated on so if he look real good ima try to push him away. Not for long but at least try just to see if heâll go
I won't continue to push away. Just the first time. I mean there's this great guy now whos out of my league physically and i keep wanting to flirt but i kinda hold back because im so afraid of losing him
Speaking from a guy's perspective, if a girl shows interest in a guy, they will go along with it, rather than saying no. Shoot your shot, I'm sure you'll be happy you did so.
You're too structured, yeah. But that doesn't equate to you being too much as a person. When I think of somebody saying "you're too much," I imagine they mean that they feel that person has too strong of a personality.
Yea because he feels all black men are only gang affiliated. He had no better thoughts of them. And he felt all black women were half assed. He also did not want to claim to be black because his dad was from Africa and his mom was black from america. I was triggered that he contradicted himself a lot and showed self hatred towards his own ethnicity. I was triggered that he felt i was worthy of his flirtation because i didn't act as black as others
What an complete self righteousness twatty arsehole. You should of told him about his A to Z. I had guys say more about physical appearance more than race but most black guys dont like me anyways.
Yea he was a black guy who liked me because i wasn't too black but yea he had me in shock. All i could do was question his opinion rather than snap. I was just in pure shock. But yea a majority of black guys still like me but they always got sumn smart to say like how my booty ain't big enough
Are you referring to saying "I didn't feel like enough" as a race related issue or just in general? I am replying to the latter of my question stated to you here.
Last girl I was with seemed very into me and it got hot and heavy then just dropped me like a hot plate with not much of a reason after she did a lot of chasing, photo sending and even being the one to kiss me first. After all of that went down the shitter it had me wondering what I did wrong and if everything that caused it was my fault and if I misread anything, but it had me question my own worth because before I got to know her, I thought she was way out of my league. When we hung out and did shit together it was the most fun I ever had with any woman in my life and I connected with her on a lot of levels that made it seem effortless. Now I just feel hurt, burned and a bit resentful of her.
Really made me question myself, my worth and whether she realised that I wasn't much and could do better. I want her to be happy, but I wanted to be the one that made her happy. Just didn't have enough and wasn't good enough for her in the end.
Yes. I've been rejected because a woman assumed I said 6'4" instead of 5'4" and overlooked it. Was online flirting with her for 4 or 5 months constantly.
I wouldn't turn you down because of your height although i prefer guys 5â7-6â2. But if i ever turned you down, it would be more based on things I've read you post
Too much, quite a few times. Less of my attention and involvement was expected for things to come across as natural. Which is for the most part a valid point.
Yes. I have been called too deep multiple times. I honestly believe that's the international, your right and I'm wrong but I don't want to admit it phase... But what do I know
It was a general question but yea i got some native American in my great great grandparents. I think everyones technically mixed but i identify as black
I know, I have a similar situation with my daughter...
I am white and my daughters husband is black... I have 3 grandchildren that i love very much and have a great relationship with. He on the other hand is such a racist against white people that it baffles me why he is with her...
Oh yea i had a lot of emotions too but my exes meant it as in i was too organized/prepared and always on point with stuff and they couldnt keep up so it bothered them
I just want everyone to know that stating that someone "acts white" is demeaning to black women and promoting white standards as in the typical white behavior is encouraged and lauded while black women are stereotyped as being ghetto.
There is no "acting white or black". It merely reinforces negative stereotypes about black women and positive stereotypes about white.
Sorry, @Anoniemus. I was actually using it in the opposite way, i. e. pejoratively. Because from my point of view, a white person who "acts white" is someone who comes from an elite wealthy background and is obsessed with their privilege. That's all I meant by that. What I just described is something I view negatively. I think those people are stuck up.
I wish it was that easy, but it's not when those people are being backed so much and how if I tell them I don't care what they say, I get painted as the bad guyđ
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