Why doesn't he want people to know?

Question

Ok, so I have a boyfriend and we knew each other for about 4 years buy we never went out until he started goig to my school. We have been together since November and then in January we broke up for a month and a day and then two day after Valentine's day he asked me back out, but secrely he wanted to go back out. When we broke up like a lot if people were like go back out, y'all were so cute together. I'm not sure if that's why he doest want people to know why. Or that he's talking to someone else while we're together and if it works out he'll break up with me, but I'm Not sure. I'm paranoid and that was a simmilar reason we broke up the first time. Its not that I don't trust him I do, but he has never liked only one girl. It's always been more than one and he left his old girlfriend for me and Idkk if he'd do that to me, but it's like we have this special connection and something about him I love and attracts me to him and the same thing for me to him. He tells me he loves me and I feel that he means it, I love to to the fullest and I think he knows that. But I'm not sure why he doesn't want people to know we date, people already say it anyway so why not admit it. And before me he went out with this girl and that was his first love, and now they are "best friends" sometimes he tells me that he wants her back and if they didn't break up they would have been together for ever and stuff like that, when he says that that makes me feel like I'm just someone he's setteling for and I think he didn't even tell her we go out because he's trying to get her back even though I think he thinks it might not happen but he doesn't want to give up faith. I feel like I have him but then I feel like I don't since he's still in love with his ex. Is that maybe a reason he doesn't want anyone to know? I'm so confused, please help me. I love him so much and I don't want to let him go, but I really need some advice.

NoboTheHobo · Accepted Answer

"under 18" suggests you're still in high-school, correct me if I'm wrong. Now, based on how you've described him: always liking more than one girl at a time, it's likely he doesn't want people to know you're dating because he himself is not sure if he really wants to be with you in the first place. You said yourself that he often talks about his ex and how he'd be with her forever if they had not broken up. Despite how utterly stupid a thing that is to say when dating someone else, he could be trying to have his cake and eat it too.

What kind of a person is he? Very popular? Lots of girls find him attractive? If so, then by avoiding confirmation of your relationships leaves him open to other girls... in a manner. Honestly, a person still in love with their ex should go deal with that before trying to find another person. Of course, getting over another person can be hard unless one has support from a new friend. Based on your post, I suggest breaking up with him. Do not offer any conditions or BS like that. If he wants to have YOU but also be in love with his ex at the same time, then he has a choice to make.

Also, remember, do not throw the word "love" around easily; that goes for everyone really. The way you describe him suggests he uses the term very, very, very loosely. In which case, it means next to nothing.

eldamien · Accepted Answer

Um, that "something" that brings you back together is YOU. It's not like there's some random, magical force driving you back together. You're making the CHOICE to get back with him every time time.

Him talking about his exes with you and saying that she's the one that got away is pretty clear - he's basically only with you because you'll put up with him. Dump That Loser. It sounds like he's killing time while waiting for something better to come along or waiting for his ex to take him back, and at your age, you really should be with people that are into you and passionate about you, rather than spinning your wheels with some loser that just wants to use you.

Find the self-confidence that you need to Dump That Loser and open yourself up for better relationships. You're far too young to be caught up in that kind of negative drama.

FernO16 · Accepted Answer

if I was you I would break up with him, I've been in a relationship like that before and I got hurt real bad, if he loves you and only you he would not say stuff like that to you and tbh if I was you I wouldn't let him near his ex girlfriend, I wouldn't trust him one bit after everything he has been saying to you about her, there not best friend and never will be they will always mean something more to each other because they were each others 1st love. if I was you I would try your harest to get over him because in the long run it will be all worth it truse me.. everyone says ' I can't believe I wen out with him' and truse me you will b saying the same.. you deserve someone that loves you back, truse me I've been through the same with my ex and we were together 3 years and now am happy again and realized I was never truly happy with my ex and you will think the same, it won't be easy but it will be easier doing it now rather than later.. other alturnative it telling him how you feel and if he stresses at you then he is guilty and not worth the bother, however if he is understanding then stick around fo a while longer ;)

kayv81 · Accepted Answer

You boyfriend seems unsure of what he wants. With your boyfriend not being over his ex, it would be hard for him to love you with all his heart.

"A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure. "

babygirltiffie · Answer

well, its definitely not a good sign. you could be right that maybe he doesn't want people to know because they say your cute together or w/e you said but I really think he's got another girl like you said or is trying to win back his ex. I've found myself doing that before for a guy I'm in love with, to make him want me more(we were friends had made out and stuff so I knew he wanted me and all that) so I guess I just used the guy or settled for him for a while. I felt bad and broke up with the person. I really feel like keeping a relationship a secret is so pointless and dumb and counter-productive. if you want to be together, or plan to last a long time, how could that work if people don't know your dating? I'm sorry your going through that though. I would be like either we adit it to people or I can't be with you because I feel like you want her or some other girl more then me and I'm just a girl you settled for. if he doesn't like it then f*ck him!

justin55304 · Answer

look there is the world we want and then there is the real world. The only "thing" that brings you guys back together is YOU. he does not do or act any differently and this is it point blank if you truly love someone then you would never hurt them intentionally and the fact that he has done that numerous times shows that he does not love you. He tells you he wants someone but he loves you? say it out loud to yourself and maybe you realize how unrealistic that sounds and this is only complimented by the fact that he denies your relationship to the public there is only one reason for doing that and this is coming from a young man and that is to keep your options going...plz catch yourself and move on before you really get hurt

ppfxxx · Answer

It sounds like he's a cheepskate who was trying to save money on a Valentines present.

If he doesn't want anyone to know your back together because it could be that he broke up with you to get with someone else when it didn't work out as he planned he settled on you as a consolation prize but still hopes to get the other girl.

toulouse · Answer

@I'm paranoid and that was a simmilar reason we broke up the first time. Its not that I don't trust him I do, but he has never liked only one girl. It's always been more than one and he left his old girlfriend for me and Idkk if he'd do that to me,

Really. You are paranoid but its not that you do not trust him...

why exactly do you trust him?

FernO16 · Answer

it doesn't matter if she doesn't love him back.. do you want to be with someone that is in love with someone else, even though your together are you honestly number one or are you second best because she won't have him. think of it this way, if she did want him he would leave you.. its not nice I no but I would stand for it, I really think your going to get hurt :/

zombiexdeath · Answer

It sounds like he doesn't want people to know you're back together again because he's seeing other women too. Either that or he was with someone else and it didn't work out and he came back to you as rebound/someone he knew he had a connection to.  He sounds like a total user, I'd be careful, and get out now before you end up getting really hurt in the future.

7gnat · Answer

he is a scummy user of women. you know it and I know it. dump him

meyra · Answer

no matter what this is not acceptable!

Anonymous · Answer

Because he's a player

Why doesn't he want people to know?

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