Girls, how do you and/or other girls you know quickly decipher if he is a player or not when he confidently starts flirting with you?

[Jammaa]

Obviously most of the guys who start talking to someone he doesn't know are players, but I know some are not.

You're single and ready to mingle but don't wanna waste time with a player. What's your game plan when an attractive guy starts talking to you?

[Anonymous]

I come from a family of men who used to be considered “players” in their past lives before marriage.

I can spot them quite easily.

Since I am anonymous here, I’ll tell you, I think I am a playette myself,

I am not interested to sleep with men, what I like is getting their love and deep feelings, then I am fine to leave, cause that’s all I wanted.

Because of that I can be anything a man wants, I can be his dream woman, I study them, I find out what their ideal woman is and I become that woman.

I’ve fooled players before, they got played and caught the feelings for me, one of them even proposed to me.

I’ve made men trust me, catch feelings for me and then I left the country to go on my adventures. I didn’t want to lead him on, I just wanted to have fun before leaving.

In the past I’ve played with one 30 yo guy who waited till marriage and he’s devoted Christian, I wanted me to be the first woman, he “sins” with but of course not a real sex, I mean I wanted him to give in, ask me to take his virginity and bla bla. It was funny. I didn’t do that though. He wasn’t interesting for me.

I am a very picky and a loyal lover, I have a boyfriend now. I am my real self with him and I love him a lot, that’s because he’s seen my worst side and still loves me. I will never cheat him but for players, be careful of perfect guys, they are most likely players, trying to fit in your perfect image, be careful of very confident guys, be careful of smooth talkers, and never ever make a mistake to give them sex unless they have feelings for you already. This is the main way to get a man love you for a long haul even if he is a player.

Men like to keep things they’ve invested time and money in.

[Jammaa]

Whoa thanks for sharing. Now I wanna know just for my curiosity.

1. Does your man know all about your past? If not, would you ever tell him?
2. Didn't you ever feel bad that you did this to guys?
3. Weren't you ever afraid of retaliation or what would happen if you met again?
4. How exactly did you pull this all off?

[Opinion Owner]

I haven’t done anything bad… I mean none of these men think so. I have stayed virgin till I met my boyfriend, haven’t even kissed a man before my boyfriend.

I think I was just a flirt, I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, my only aim was to feel loved, reassured about myself, to be the ideal woman in the eyes of men, because I felt less loved in childhood and I tried to get it from men, however, I don’t think any of them have bad thoughts of me, they all enjoyed my attention while it lasted, because I am an attractive girl and while I maybe didn’t give them what they wanted, I made them feel good, for a while at least, until I left them.

With that Christian guy, I didn’t talk anything sexual, all I did was make him trust me so much that he wanted me to be his life partner, I have never met him, that was online and once I got his admiration I lost interest.

There was another guy, he was a drug dealer and a player, he thought I was an innocent sweet girl, caught feelings for me and even when I left country, he was talking about me with our common friends.

I have lots of stories like that, I think that’s because I love flirting and I am also good at guessing what that specific man wants and I want to be loved so much that I create that view of myself, when I get his feelings, that’s all I wanted from the beginning so I left even without making things more serious.

In all cases I left earlier than making things serious, I never did any harm. Just had a little bit of fun and a dosage of love from them.

My boyfriend knows I was a heart breaker before meeting him, he knows there have been guys who have proposed me and who I rejected, but bo need to go in details as those guys were never that important for me.

[Opinion Owner]

2. Nope, because I always thought I was quitting earlier than making them too involved, sometimes I left them when they started catching feelings. Even today, when I meet them they meet me with respect and excitement. I don’t think they know why I did things I did, I don’t think they realize I played.

I think that answers 3 as well, oh one of the guys still waits for me because he believes I am the one he will marry, even though I have not met him after 17, he messages me every now and then. Asking if I am single and If he has a chance to awaken my feelings again. I think these guys got what they wanted with me, I mean I gave them what they wanted, I made them feel good, even though we never had sex, I gave them the excitement and I think that’s what makes them think of me again.

4. I didn’t plan anything, it’s just my nature, I was scared of falling in love while I enjoyed being in love, so everything I did was out of fear of falling in love, but maybe that’s why all players play, they are scared of getting serious.

However, with my boyfriend it’s different, I love him, he loves me and I’ve been hurt, so has he, but we keep loving each other and I am safer when I am in love so it’s better stay this way…

I never intended to do harm or hurt anyone, even if I did… So, I believe all players have some kind of fears or psychological problems they need to overcome.

[Opinion Owner]

Once and my boyfriend almost broke up and we had a break, I never foirted with anyone during our relationship but during our 3 weeks break, I decided I would check my powers and have fun to try to forget about the pain I got from my boyfriend.

I flirted with a guy, I liked him a lot looks-wise but I knew I loved my boyfriend so only thing I did was - flirt, never intended anything else. I told him I took a break but I still loved my boyfriend. This guy liked me as well, slowly he opened up a lot to me, he asked me to move in with him, he talked and messaged me every day and night, even started talking to me maybe I was his fate and maybe I am his soul mate, one day I told him I was going to reunite with my boyfriend and sorry but I don’t think we have a future together.

He asked me then why did I flirt with him and talk to him so nicely, I answered honestly “I enjoyed talking with you a lot, you are an amazing man, It’s fun to talk with you.”

He was sad, he said he felt bad for being just fun for me, he asked me to decide what I wanted from him, did he wanted him to be my husband or a plan B. I told him if I didn’t have a boyfriend I would have consider having him as my husband but now that I and my boyfriend fixed our relationship I still loved him. I didn’t see the fault in my actions.

My friends told me I acted selfish. I told my boyfriend about this whole story, he felt a bit upset but forgave me. Because at that time we had a break and I talked with that guy just to try to think less about my boyfriend, but my friends told me I am selfish and when I thought about it I realized maybe I really am selfish…

So, I try to think more about my actions… I don’t really want to hurt anyone.

[Jammaa]

Gotcha. I really appreciate you telling me all this and I'm not one to judge. I know that you're not the only one who does this just out of insecurity. In fact, I believe it really does feel great to know that you have the power to make people feel so greatly about you so it looks like you've come up with a way to make it happen. There are so many people who would do much much worse. I do think it's always best to try to improve our ways though because it definitely can hurt people and people can do crazy things when they get obsessed with someone. It looks like you're trying to improve though and I'm glad you found someone who loves you and you love in return

[jennifer_bloom]

I look at his dialogue and his introductory attitudes

Is he a closed off person? A transactional person? An unemotional person? A limited believing person? A social chameleon who lacks rationality in his opinion statements? A willfully ignorant person? An overly lax person? An unexplainable person? An unspiritual person? A physically contingent person? A passive and self-deprecating person? An uncharitable person? An oppressively othering type of person? A simulated and simulacra type of person?

[Dinklex3]

I do not give out my number or go on a date with anyone I'm not familiar with (friend of a a friend, classmate, work in same hospital) .
So that kinda filters them out.
I rely on whatever vibe they're giving. If their actions match with their words. I usually get grossed out so i just trust that feeling, lol.

[Anonymous]

For me it’s when a guy immediately starts trying to be touchy, all in my face, and clinging to me all night. If anything it’s a red flag that he’ll be pushy and maybe even controlling in the future. But those signs are pretty blatant, so outside of that I’m not sure there’s a way to tell without investing just a bit of time, maybe a week or so to get a read on him.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

I'm pretty good at sensing if someone's not genuine. I'm also slower to move - if he wants sex, he's not getting it for a while before I vet him. And we're doing STD testing before we fuck.

[WhitneySnow]

That’s a really good question. I don't know the answer.