I had a coworker who was quitting, and I knew it was coming up, but I dropped the ball on telling her how I feel. I think someone else asked her out though, but as far as I knew, he had a girlfriend, so I don't know.
She has done so much for me, more than she realizes. I think I'm genuinely in love with her, so I can't let go that I never told her anything. I think she may have liked me before, but no longer does. She has said things that seemed to hint at it, but I'd just get tongue-tied and just say yeah or nothing at all.
I have another coworker that occasionally sees her outside of work, though. I was thinking of writing her a letter telling her how I feel. Would this be a bad idea? If I do do it, how much should I really say? I'll probably never see her again, so I want her to know, but I don't want the letter to come across as desperate or anything.
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I'm just going to avert my eyes and give you my own advice, coming from a female perspective here, as I know many men will give you quite opposite (or opposing) advice. But whatever. You can take in all points of view, right.
So, you missed your chance. Couldn't quite get up the nerve to act, and now the situation has changed and you have regret. And, you're not great with words, in person, and expressing how you feel is challenging for you. Given all that, I am an emphatic "Yes!" on you writing her a letter.
What do you say, though - exactly. How much? What is too much? Unfortunately, there is no one, clear answer on this. It's a feel-it-as-you-go type of situation. You need to ask yourself what your goal or purpose is in writing it. Is it to open the door to be with her? Then make that known, even if it appears somewhat subtle. And, there is a difference between subtle (and without too much pressure on the receiver) vs. totally unclear. You don't want to confuse the poor girl. She may have already been confused enough by you.
My main thought here is that even if it doesn't result in you two falling madly in love and being together, it is still a beautiful gesture, you wanting to clarify some things for/to her. Being tongue-tied is not really indicative of any particular feelings. It could mean all sorts of things, or nothing at all. So I'm always pro-clarity.
There is always room for better, and more communication. Not all people are the same. Not all men need to be bold. (Don't listen to the people who espouse this hard line thinking.) There are two (at minimum, two) benefits to you doing this: You get a sense of catharsis, having finally expressed your feelings (and not just unimportant, fleeting feelings, but about something that does really matter to you, and you've spent a lot of time ruminating about exactly how you do feel about it), and she gets information, which turns into knowledge, and even if she's not in a position (practically or emotionally) to act on this new, untimely information, she has still learned something from it. As sad as it sometimes makes me, many people only (or mostly) learn from direct experience. Try to teach them, tell them, or direct them to a place or source to read or learn about it, and that often falls on deaf ears. But what people experience personally, directly, oh they hold onto that as if it's one of the ten commandments, set in stone. Meaning, the next time she encounters a nice guy like you, but one who seems reluctant to speak much with her, she will at least exhibit more patience, knowing that there could very well be deep feelings there toward her.
But mostly... do this for you. For your own sense of emotional risk-taking. Maybe also because she is a good person, and you want to give this to her, to make her feel good about herself, and so that she understands that who she is, matters, means something. She is appreciated. And that is the kind of positive feedback that makes the world a slightly nicer, gentler place. Just as you receiving kind words from her would make you feel good about yourself, and about the world at large. People's actions matter. And people matter. What you really need to ask yourself is, why wouldn't I do this? And the only answer is, because it's embarrassing, awkward. And that, my friend, is not enough of a reason to not do things, to not live your life. Trust me on this. You must risk (once in a while.) Calculated (not reckless) risks are one of the things that define who we are, and who we become as people. And, it is also one of the few legitimate ways to build actual inner confidence. No matter the outcome, you should remember it as something of value, something positive, and the stuff of life. If there is a meaning of life (which is debatable, of course), I personally believe it is, simply put, relationships. Building, navigating, and all too often, saying goodbye to them. But even that, we need to learn to do with grace. It will come back to in dividends later, I promise you. It just sometimes takes time before you are aware of that.
Thank you for this. My main concern is how she'll see it after, especially having it all in writing. I didn't think about it before, but I also considered giving her friend my number to give to her, so she can text me if she is comfortable, though if she doesn't, then I won't be able to tell her my feelings. But if she does, then I can at least tell her verbally how I feel, though that might make things more confusing since I am bad at words. These last few days have gone on for an eternity it feels like, and I really feel like I need that sense of closure.
Going through this mutual friend to pass along your number is not a bad idea, it's just that it won't be clear why. And it also passes the ball back to her again, and she probably needs you to be more active, here.
She may also just conclude that you vaguely want to stay in touch. And if she doesn't know your feelings, then she may make that decision about whether to contact or not, on false assumptions. Which can delay, or kill, this whole thing. That's what I'd consider, if I were you.
Don't know how you feel about romance movies, but I recommend you watch "Kate & Leopold."
It's almost a Master Class in pitch perfect storytelling, AND how to date.
One of the main takeaways can apply to you, now. "What I want to say... what I mean to say is... you've left an impression on me."
(Spoiler: He got the date this way. She said yes.)
But, yes, closure would also be beneficial, here.
Maybe, I'm just afraid her friend might open and read the letter first or not give it to her. With giving her my number, it feels a little safer, but also more intimidating. I was just going to tell him to have her text me because there was something I needed to ask her or something.
I'd also be able to do it sooner, since I can just text him it.
Oh, it's a guy friend? That's a bit more awkward.
Guys tend to not want to get involved in other peoples' emotional messy business. I doubt he would open it. (You would, of course, seal it.)
If you ask for her to text you, will you ever actually say what you want/need to say?
I predict the whole thing will just not happen, then.
If you are better in organizing your thoughts in the written form, there's nothing wrong with doing that.
You might go many more years, never seizing the day, because of it.