I think my friend has feelings for me... but he has a girlfriend :/?

[Anonymous]

So my (f24) best friend (m22) recently started dating a new girl. At first I was excited for him, but when I started asking about her, it was like pulling teeth.

"Where did you meet her?"
"At a bar"
"What's she like?"
"She's cool"
"Do you have a picture?"
"No, but here's her Instagram."

He mentioned before that when he gets girlfriend he doesn't want too many female friends. I mentioned in a joking way about how it was nice knowing him now that we can't be friends anymore. He said, "No we can still be friends. I'm gonna talk to my girlfriend about us and if she doesn't like that you and I are hanging out alone then that's her problem. I really appreciate our friendship and I don't want us to lose that."

Here are some other reasons I think he might like me:

- He offered me a ride home after we worked late one night. I live 30 minutes from there and he lives across the street. He was already complaining about how tired he was, but insisted it was okay and wanted to make sure I got home safely.

- He doesn't mind being alone with me in public situations (like he tries to be alone).

- He gets excited when telling people we work together / know each other.

- He doesn't want me to date any of his guy friends because he says "they aren't great people." He says he would protect me from any guy.

- He doesn't like other guys / doesn't like when I mention other guys.

- He's said before, when we are planning to hang out, "I don't care what we do, I just wanna hang out with you."

Here is why I think he doesn't like me:

- He mentions other girls, hookups, etc.

- He's said that we are really good friends.

[Oliverlogan263]

A'ight, lemme think about this...

It does kinda sound like your boy might have some feelings for you ngl. A couple things make me think that:

- The way he acts protective of you and doesn't want you with other guys could be cuz he's lowkey jealous.

- Offering you a ride home that late even tho he was tired - he just wanted to spend more time with you.

- Being vague about his new girl and not wanting you to meet her yet could mean he's not that into her or something's off there.

But at the same time, getting a new girlfriend is usually a sign a dude ain't feelin you like that. And mentioning other girls shows he's still looking, even if he tries to play it cool around you.

I'd just say be careful not to lead him on or hurt his new girl accidentally. Y'all need to have an honest chat about boundaries now that he's taken. Make sure you're both on the same page about just being friends.

Tread lightly - these type of gray area situations can get messy real quick. But you seem like good vibes, so hopefully you guys can keep it drama-free as friends. Just communicate openly in my opinion.

[Asker]

I made it very clear to him that I do not want to be that girl that gets in the middle of a couple. So if that means we can't hang out anymore than I totally get it. He was the one who insisted it was okay and he didn't care what his new girlfriend thinks. I said maybe it would be better (since it's still new) if we hung out in group settings and he said no, that if she has a problem with us hanging out alone, then it's her problem, not ours.
We have talked about dating in the past. The reason I said no when he asked me out was because we both want different things out of life, so we wouldn't get very far in a relationship. So I feel like we are clear on that.

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, that's sticky then. Sounds like this girl might already be feeling threatened by your friendship with him if he's that insistent on it not being an issue. Like, he hasn't even dated her that long yet she's already causing problems between you guys? Red flag in my opinion.

The fact he asked you out before too and you shut it down for valid reason makes it seem like he struggles accepting you just want to be pals. Dudes can have a hard time separating those feelings sometimes. It's probably not helping if he's constantly trying to prove your friendship is more important than new chick.

I'd say let him know you care about him but won't be a source of tension or drama in his relationship. If he can't drop it or keeps pushing boundaries, you may need to take a step back for now while he figures himself out. Friends come and go, but causing issues for someone else's girl ain't cool even by accident, you get what I'm saying? His actions will show where his head's really at in the end. Keep it real.

[Asker]

No, HE is the one saying he doesn't care if she has an issue with it. They've only been together like two weeks (after knowing each other 1 week and going on 1 date by the way). Maybe I'll just say that I'd feel more comfortable in a group setting so that there isn't any issues between them. I already told him I don't want to be THAT girl so.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah, I get what you're saying. Honestly it is a bit sketchy that he's so eager to keep hanging out solo when they just started dating. Two weeks is nothing, so he should definitely be making more of an effort to make her comfortable at this stage.

I think saying you'd feel more comfortable doing group things for now is a smart move. Shows you're being respectful to their relationship even if he doesn't seem too worried about it. She might have real trust issues getting so defensive this early on, so no point adding any unnecessary heat.

Plus, the less one-on-one time you hang with him now, the less fuel it gives to any accusations later on if things go south. Cover your bases, ya know? He'll understand where you're coming from once things calm down with the new girl.

Maybe give it a month or two before easing back into solo hangs. By then they'll know each other better and she won't be so on edge. Your friendship will still be there when the timing's right. Just tryna look out for both your interests here!

[MissStrawberry912]

So do you like him? If you don’t like him and respect him as your bestie, then support him with his new relationship and girlfriend by holding respect and healthy friendship boundaries.

the part where he don’t like you talking about other guys is weird where he does sound like he could like you but you mentioned yalls are best friends.. so everything else is normal bestie things in my opinion.

[In_Trance]

this is not a friendship

[Asker]

Why not?

[Anonymous]

Then ignore him.

[Asker]

Why?

[Anonymous]

He like u