My crush may still have feelings for his ex, and I want to be with him, what do I do?

[esmiksaaron]

i want to have a relationship with him but if he still may have a thing for his ex (who apparently was a total biotch to him and broke it off) I don't want to have a relationship in which he has feelings for someone else. I'm only suspecting he was a thing for her, whenever she's around us he kind of stops paying attention to me (he doesn't pay attention to her either, he silences up, but he's usually super flirty and awesome with me in other situations). in another instance, we were at a party and they stayed on literally opposite sides of the room, barely came 10 feet of each other (I was with him the whole time) and I feel like he might not talk to me she might see or heard (either in public or on fb).

so what should I do? try to stop being interested in him or just go for it? maybe I should just talk to him about it? (granted I'm not sure whether he likes me or not) and I had a friend that told me he as really hurt by the break up, it was a little more than 6 months ago and apparently it was THAT serious, they just kinda went to the dances together and hung out sometimes.

thanks

[Pedantic]

Your description of his behavior sounds like he has committed his mind and heart to breaking it off, he just doesn't have to feel good about it :)

If he is flirting with you, I guess that he means he willing to move on despite the pain.

My advice is go for it if you like him, but understand you are handling damaged goods. That means "FLAMMABLE - HANDLE WITH CARE." Contents may sometimes explode when accidently shaken. You'll have to go in with an expanded sense of perception, and talking to him about it, within reasonable bounds, can be beneficial (don't force anything out of him).

Nobody wants to get bit twice, so he'll show a strong aversion to pain now, including walling up or lashing out when he feels emotionally threatened, or putting on whatever defense techniques he may come up with.

Its really up to you if you think you are up for it. I kind of want to say that if he is still willing to flirt with you, that is his way of saying he's available and interested, so even if he does get bit again it is something he has learn to from :)

[esmiksaaron]

thank you so much! your advice is so useful, I didn't realize that I must remember that he'll probably be in pain and have to heal as time passes. I didn't realize that he might just be hurt by his previous relationship and finds it kind of hard to move on without feeling the pain. I mean he seems interested in me so I guess he might be ready to move on and I'll try to provide him with a good relationship thanks!