How should I react to him ditching me?

[Anonymous]

I asked my boyfriend today if we would hang out tonight and he said he would come over to my place. Then later he asks me if I want to go out with him with some friends so I agreed. Then he told me that they were meeting somewhere really far and that his friend was driving him and wouldn't pick me up. He still went with his friend. I definitely feel mad about it and feel like breaking up with him over it (plus I haven't seen him in 2 weeks Because he recently took a trip with other friends), but I'm not sure what's the rational way to react. Don't know if I'm overreacting or if he just doesn't care about me. Please help!

[vmw2008]

Sounds like he's trying to avoid spending time with you. Hold off on the break up for moment, just back off. I mean majorly back off. Sometimes guys act like this when they still care about the girl but they've grown too comfortable or they think you'll put up with anything he throws at you. He's playing games and I think you need to gain your respect back.

Do not answer his calls/texts at all tonight or most of tomorrow. When you do finally get back to him, tell him you're just swamped, make it quick, and then get off the phone. Refuse to make any plans to see him, just insist you're so so busy. It may take a day or two, but if he cares about you and simply needed a reality check he'll be panicking at this point. Trying to figure out what's wrong, calling you. He's going to feel scared that he's pushed you too far and his behavior should shape up at this point.

If he doesn't really care, and isn't worth your time, he's barely going to notice. He may not try to call at all, he's not bothered by this, he doesn't make an attempt to see you, etc. At THIS point is where you break up with him. You don't want a guy that can go this long without seeing/talking to you and doesn't care.

[toulouse]

@He's playing games and I think you need to gain your respect back. _I agree he's playing games, but by ignoring him she's doing what he wants. She's going along with his game. How is that getting her respect back. Respecting her, would be to say, I like you, but I want some time alone. Not tricking her into ignoring him, then apolgizing or w/e, do he can go do it again the next time.

Shes never going to know what's gong on, if she plays games. bad advice. udignified.

QA. if you are angry talk to him

[toulouse]

You may decide to break yp with him, or decide to work things out. but don't take off in a huff. because its bad for you. its a bad habit to get into. getting mad& running away from problems.

just speak calmly rationally & directly. don't play games. don't make acusations, just find out what's going on, and decide if you think he respects you enogh to continue being your bf.

his behavior indicates, he's probably not mature enough.

he might want time alone-but he's being dishonest. that's NOT acceptable

[vmw2008]

I agree that being upfront is the more "honest, mature" approach. And you're right, if she flat out tells him she needs some time alone and follows through, then that may work as well. But I give this advice based on my experience of doing both with men. When you try to talk it out, tell that that their behavior is bothering you, etc. They don't listen. His reason for acting like this is out of a lack of respect and feeling like she depends on him. Her *telling* him all of that just validates

[vmw2008]

what he already thinks of her (that she cares too much and that his actions have a big impact on her). By simply backing off without saying anything, she's making this clear with her actions. Men respond better to actions, not words. Words sound like nagging when he's gotten to the stage he's at now where he's clearly disrespecting her and doesn't care about not seeing her for over 2 weeks. Her saying she's upset will do nothing.

[Ashley8282]

I think its miscommunication. Unless you have told him that you feel like you aren't seeing much of each other and you wish you would spend more time together he won't know. If this is a one time thing than Id let it go but if he does this (ditch you) all the time than screw it.