I feel like he led me on and I am a little angry, do have reason to be and why did he do this?

[Anonymous]

ok so I have known this guy for close to a year. We dated, became intimate, and then after about amonth he tells me he doesn't want a relationship. Says its not me , or any girl for that matter he just doesn't want one. He later admits ( a week ago) that the infidelity of his ex fiance is in the back of his mind and that is part of the reason. He also wants to take time to be be selfish. Now like I said a month after our encounter /dating/ whatever you want to call it, he tells me he doesn't want anything. But his actions would say other wise. Everytime I try to walk away he pulls me right back in. He mentioned in the begining he didn't even want to care about anyone but himself. so I sent him a text say " I am moving on to someone who cares, I don't need people who don't care in my life" . I say it in a nice manner and we both bid our goodbyes. a few hours later he texts me telling me how even though he doesn't show it he cares. During our time knowing each other, he has offered to buy me and TV, put me on his credit cards, and help me in various ways. He'll cuddle after sex and etc. Christmas he broke my heart because I professed my feelings for him and he rejected me saying " I don't want a relationship". I left him alone and again he texts me and later calls me to see how I am doing as if nothing ever happened.

Our last conversation consisted of me being emotional and asking him to tell me the truth about everything. he told me about his ex and how it still haunts him and it being in the back of his mind. I then asked how he felt about me honestly. He says " l like you" but I don't have strong feelings for you.

What does this mean? Is it that he doesn't think of me in that way or he just isn't allowing himself to develop feelings anymore than "like". I mean he said in the begining he didn't want to care for anybody. Then he goes on to say this has happened four times before. Women get attached. it made me feel like just another female to him. He then goes on to say " my feelings towards relationships are not always going to be like this, one day it wil change". " one day" "one day"...that phrase just reminds me of all the things he use to say ..." one day I will take you here,...one day you and I should do this...one day I will get you this" What does it all mean? I find myself trying to read between the line

I really need serious advice from guys who have been here or just know what the hell is going on? I just thought he like me a lot because who would actually put someone they didn't care about on their credit card? who would jepardize their credit for someone like that? or do the other things he mentioned. he said he is a nice guy...but I don't think he is that nice...am I fool or what? what to do next please?

part of me is like, he cares for and if it weren't for his issue with relationship he would be pursuing me. THen part is scared I am just a fool to think s

[Sassafras]

Since he and you both seem to repeatedly mention his ex, he clearly needs time. Sounds like he recently got out of a serious relationship or he is still emotionally damaged from his ex's bad behaviour. He isn't ready to get involved. He is being clear by saying he isn't interested in a relationship, and whether or not he does have genuine interest in developing emotional intimacy with you, I think he's giving you clear signals he isn't ready for that. But at the same time he seems to be okay with using your for companionship and physical gratification. He's looking for breather space to have fun, play the field, etc. A lot of people need this after getting out of a long-term relationship and aren't ready to jump into something right away again, especially if the last one ended badly.

So...it's honestly up to you. If you're okay with a casual relationship, then that's something only you can decide. But if you want a serious, emotionally fulfilling, long-term type of deal, you have to make that clear to him and MOVE ON. Be honest with yourself and don't settle for less than will make you happy. If casual dating and physical intimacy is all you need or want - there's nothing wrong with that. But if not, don't be a fool and get strung along by this guy or hold out on other potential matches that may come your way because you're waiting for this guy to 'be ready'. There's no way to tell when he will be.

[AnonymousOne1]

I think you rushed to profess your love to this guy. A month is too soon to really know.

Sounds like he was treating you like you were in a relationship and you pushed too hard too fast for a label.

You can be with a guy that says he's in a relationship with you but when you need something not be there for you, not buy you a tv, not offer to put you on his credit cards so really... does the label really matter?

I would have taken it lighter for at least 3 months and just make sure you are clear on whether he is dating or having sex with other girls. You don't want to be having protected or unprotected sex with a guy without knowing if he is sleeping with other girls...

Once again, a guy can say he's in a relationship with you and still sleeping around behind your back.

Relax a little bit, see if you can get back on track without pushing for a "relationship" but ask him that if he is going to be sleeping with other girls to be honest with you and give you the option to exit at that stage.

Just my two cents... a month is just too quick...

Don't be so invested into a guy you just met.

[Asker]

Wow.......i don't mean to be mean , but you really need to read. I said we were dating for a YEAR. it is a lot more complicated then a label. He doesn't even want to care about anyone. He is not letting me get close to him at all. The label doesn't bother me, its more complicated than that

[Asker]

After a month, I he told me he didn't want to care about anyone etc etc etc. It just came up.

[Asker]

And after a month or two the most I professed to him was that I LIKEd him not loved him............it got more serious just recently ( a year later!!!!)

[AnonymousOne1]

Ah, sorry, it was late and I misread known him for a year but been dating him for a month.

If he is pulling this at this stage, I would think there is another woman he might be interested in.

[amysparkles]

listen, I just went through an almost identical situation with a guy I was in love with. at the end of the day, it is them, not us. you're guy got his heart broken by his ex and sometimes it takes a very long time to get over that. and people may get hurt in the process. he is sending mixed signals because he probably has mixed emotions. but the important thing is, he told you he doesn't have strong feelings for you, which is the truth. if he did he would want to make it work. he may not be capable of having strong feelings for anyone other than his ex right now, as hard as that may be to swallow. being cheated on is very painful and creates very complex emotions. but you deserve to be with someone who loves you, and wants to think about you, not just himself. you have to accept the reality of the situation, not the "what ifs." There is someone out there for you that you will love even more and the timing and circumstances will be right. Just be strong and let it go.

[Atomizer]

In general, I think that people's motives are irrelevant. His reasons and his thinking don't matter. We've all made ourselves crazy trying to read between the lines, or trying to interpret things.

Behavior is what matters. And his behavior says that he wants something different from what you want.

Now you must ask yourself a question: Can you accept him as he is? If not, it's time to move on.

Also, I think that his putting you on his credit cards is a _bad_ sign. Rather than trying to establish a serious, monogamous commitment, he's trying to buy your continued presence in his life. Rather than facing his fears and dealing with them, he's trying to buy something.