In the past I've received a lot of advice on here and off other sites telling me that if I have issues with women its because I lack confidence or that I need to work on my personality. I can kind of understand the argument for confidence as dating is very much a numbers game and if you are introverted and shy you might just be failing to meet any women at all. Also some men might meet women but fail to follow up on any interest or take it to the next stage, like never actually asking her on a date, never trying to kiss her, ect. Having said that I can't see how confidence helps beyond having enough confidence to put yourself out there.
People often say that women go for a good personality over good looks. I'd agree that personality is a factor but to say its more important than looks is quite a strange claim to make. First of all a good personality means different things to different people, its very subjective. There are women who stay with men who beat them, most women would say that beating them up is a sign of a bad personality. While I would say that there are objective parts to having a good personality its mostly just understanding basic social conventions (basically not having aspergers). Obviously if personality is almost entirely subjective there is no point changing it as you will simply get women who appreciate different personality traits. Furthermore changing your personality to get women is quite lame, its pretending to be someone you are not.
Finally I have never in my life managed to talk round a girl who found me physically unattractive. In fact every woman I've slept with showed obvious signs of attraction (strong eye contact, smiling at me, ect) before I even spoke to them. While I accept that personality matters I'm not sure I agree that having a good personality can make you attractive to a girl who doesn't like the way you look. You need to be good looking AND have a personality she likes.
What are your thoughts on this? Any of you ever talked a woman who found you repulsive in to bed? Girls have you ever slept with an ugly guy?
I think the best route for men who can't get the women they desire is to...
A) Meet more women. Don't take this too far, you don't want a reputation of chasing every single woman.
B) Not be afraid to escalate. Don't take this too far either, no groping them when you first meet them.
C) Improve their looks (gym, diet, better grooming, cosmetic surgery, new clothes, tanning). You probably need to do several of these just one is unlikely to make a big difference. Also it needs to be whichever fixes you biggest flaws, if you dress like a homelss man cosmetic surgery will do nothing, if you are hugely over weight buying new clothes won't save you, if you have a big nose or an overbite there is no point just changing you hairstyle.
D) Go for less attractive women who have less options and therefore lower standards in looks.
E) Get professional help if you have severe social problems.
People often say that women go for a good personality over good looks. I'd agree that personality is a factor but to say its more important than looks is quite a strange claim to make. First of all a good personality means different things to different people, its very subjective. There are women who stay with men who beat them, most women would say that beating them up is a sign of a bad personality. While I would say that there are objective parts to having a good personality its mostly just understanding basic social conventions (basically not having aspergers). Obviously if personality is almost entirely subjective there is no point changing it as you will simply get women who appreciate different personality traits. Furthermore changing your personality to get women is quite lame, its pretending to be someone you are not.
Finally I have never in my life managed to talk round a girl who found me physically unattractive. In fact every woman I've slept with showed obvious signs of attraction (strong eye contact, smiling at me, ect) before I even spoke to them. While I accept that personality matters I'm not sure I agree that having a good personality can make you attractive to a girl who doesn't like the way you look. You need to be good looking AND have a personality she likes.
What are your thoughts on this? Any of you ever talked a woman who found you repulsive in to bed? Girls have you ever slept with an ugly guy?
I think the best route for men who can't get the women they desire is to...
A) Meet more women. Don't take this too far, you don't want a reputation of chasing every single woman.
B) Not be afraid to escalate. Don't take this too far either, no groping them when you first meet them.
C) Improve their looks (gym, diet, better grooming, cosmetic surgery, new clothes, tanning). You probably need to do several of these just one is unlikely to make a big difference. Also it needs to be whichever fixes you biggest flaws, if you dress like a homelss man cosmetic surgery will do nothing, if you are hugely over weight buying new clothes won't save you, if you have a big nose or an overbite there is no point just changing you hairstyle.
D) Go for less attractive women who have less options and therefore lower standards in looks.
E) Get professional help if you have severe social problems.
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