So I'm in a distance relationship and crave physical touch from other guys.. is that normal?

[soccergirl5]

I realized that lately I've been cuddling a lot with my male friend. I'm quite sure he isn't interested in me and is just a touchy person, but I don't want to bring it up to my boyfriend as he basically feels all guys want sex if they're touching a girl, even non sexually. I've noticed that I really crave male physical touch, and I don't get that with my boyfriend so I do kinda cuddle up and hug and touch other guys a fair bit. Is that wrong? My boyfriend doesn't touch other girls at all really, but I find that just kinda cuddling with my friends is really comfortable and satisfying and stuff if we aren't interested in each other. Is that okay? Why do I crave contact so bad?

Updates

+1 y

So we've been together 2.5 years and I think we're actually incredibly committed to each other. Plus next year he will be moving 2 hours away (but we'll both be really busy and finances are iffy so even monthly visits may not be possible..) But is there any way to just fight the desire if I really care about the relationship and we'll be closer?

Updates

+1 y

I'm not at all thinking it's time to move on or debating breaking up. He is by far the best man I've ever met and though I know he's far from perfect, he's pretty perfect for me. We work together really well and I know I'm kinda a flirt. I just want to know how to make it work because I'm really serious about him.

[MrOracle]

Yes, it's normal and common, and it's why LDRs almost always fail for reasons directly related to the LD.

A relationship has an emotional component, and intellectual component, and a physical component. With a LDR, you're still getting the intellectual part, and enough of the emotional part to get you by, but you aren't getting any of the physical part, and after a little while, you start to NEED that.

But by seeking it out from other guys, you are only going to lead those other guys on, OR sooner or later, you'll be weak and they'll be THERE and horny and you'll end up cheating on your LD boyfriend with them. And if you don't do that, he probably will. And even if neither of you do, either he'll find out you are cuddling with other guys and that will break the trust, or you'll get so frustrated that you'll break up with him anyway.

Which is why I tell people over and over again; LDRs don't work, unless the LD part is only for a VERY short amount of time (less than 6 months), or unless the commitment to each other is ENORMOUS, and you are both fully prepared for lots of pain and sacrifice. In the real world, very, very few people can handle it for much more than 6 months.

IMO, it's better to break up, and IF the two of you are single when you can eventually get together again in the same place, you can always start dating again, and if not, then you won't have wasted all that time apart from each other for no reason (i.e., only to have the relationship eventually fail anyway due to the time apart).

I know you don't want to hear that, and you probably will ignore me, but when it all goes bad, remember what I wrote, and the next time you think about getting into a LDR, maybe you'll reconsider.

[Gawesome]

well...I can understand why...since you want the intimacy with your boyfriend and you're compensating with your guy friends since you can trust them enough to be strictly non-sexual. As long as le boyfriend is not the jelly type...I think it's oook? And hopefully your guy friends won't misinterpret things. NO SEXY THINGS KK? lolol! If it was me as one of your friends, I probably won't want to cuddle with you at all knowing you have a bf...but that's just my rule.

So in a nutshell...as long as everyone is MATURE about things. Should be ok?

[Anonymous]

You're getting the emotional part of a relationship without the physical part. So yes, it's normal to crave a human touch.

I wouldn't like my boyfriend cuddling with other women, not at all. So, it all depends on what arrangement you and your boyfriend have. How would you feel if he were cuddling with other women?

I'd consider it cheating, but that's just me. That's something you and your boyfriend definitely need to discuss and establish. He should definitely know the truth.

[Justletgo]

I had to breakup with my ex because she craved male attention. She's very bitter about it, even though I have told her I'd want her back a couple of times.

She just doesn't understand the male point of view, a lot of inexperienced women don't. Something I couldn't believe at first.

Your boyfriend is right, men who give you personal attention in any form (unless they are gay) are interested in taking it a step further.

So no, just stay away from other men. And tell your boyfriend exactly what your missing, instead of telling us strangers on the internet about it.

Make it really CLEAR to him what you want. He has to learn what you want too, and if you don't tell him how can he know.

If my ex would have done that, we would still be together and 4,5 years of relationship would not have been wasted.

Good luck.

[GreatnessPersonified]

I think you two should just take a break from each other, since you are so young and immature and take time to mature and find out if you two still want to be together afterward. Being in a LTR really just locks you down and makes you feel guilty for feelings that are OK under different circumstances.

[Ilbw8n]

Wow tough situation. The urges can be very hard to fight. First thing would be why that touch isn't there from him? If its a mutual thing that you both agreed that you didn't want then its time to revisit that. In early stages it may be what both want but as time goes by it changes. If that's the case then it's best to tell him you have the urges and want that from him. If its for another reason that he alone knows then its best to find out why. Either way it sounds like you are on your way to growing apart. And it's only gonna get worse with more distance. A word of warning though. The urges can only be held off for so long. Eventually the cravings will win out. If the relationship is that important then better it be with him then others. If you are already thinking it may be time to move on then now is the time to do so before there is any hurt there. Just remember the urges are part of life and are common. They don't make you a bad person.

[GreatnessPersonified]

Relationships are better in close proximity. I don't understand why you two live so far away? I don't consider anything a relationship unless I can physically touch my girl. I was in a LTR when I was younger and it was a waste of time, imo.

I say discuss this with your boyfriend, tell him how you feel (without disclosing what you have done), and see if you two can come to a resolution that brings you two in the same area.

If you two are so serious, how come you don't with each other?

[soccergirl5]

we're at different universities, and mine doesn't offer the program he's in. I'm currently living with my parents to save money, and he's in res so I can't just go live with him. Also I think it would be risky to go from never seeing each other to living together. Our parents wouldn't exactly condone it either, and we're still fairly young and immature.

[Prof_Don]

I think that you just miss physical contact from guys in general...this is why long-distance relationships are risky.

Cmon now, you KNOW your boyfriend wouldn't want you cuddling with your "male friend".

You're not respecting this relationship, so I suggest you end it before you self-inflict eternal suffering with GUILT.

Simply put, you may not be built for long distance relationships.

[foxsquirrel]

If I was your boyfriend and I was reading this article I would break the relationship right there and than. The way I get you tells me that you would not mind to go a little bit further than this "innocent" cuddling you are writing about. If a wolf gets wind of this, you're probably done.

[6Paul11]

I think it's normal to crave touch and intimacy. Just know that you are in dangerous waters with a long distance relationship. They often don't end well.

[Prof_Don]

Well said

[takodomakomaximega]

agree

[beastman88]

by the sounds of things, it doesn't sound like theyre going to work out if he's moving away. id just break it off most likely. people will say distance doesn't matter I've tried it. girls prefer convenience over anything else.

[Cloverdog]

Long Distance Relationships do not work everyone I know that has been in one has hated it in the end. There is no intimacy, no romance, it is like dating someone on a computer and not in real life. And not on men want sex some prefer to cuddle just for the sake of cuddling, but that is still considered a semi sexual act.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

If you're cuddling, you're cheating. You can't handle the long distance, that's normal. Time to break up.

[rotarymoon]

All guys want sex. Especially if they are touching you.

[soccergirl5]

even if they aren't touching me in a sexual way?

[rotarymoon]

Yes. Unless you are their sister or mother or grandmother.

Yes ( although some people do not even see those line).

Of course not all men are like this, but I will say I have met next to none like them.

[soccergirl5]

he's not that different with me than his other female friends, just a bit more physical. But he really doesn't act interested, just comfortable with me. Though last week he was leaning on me and his mom definitely gave me a weird look... but he's always making fun of this other guy who is interested in me and he seems fairly comfortable with the fact I have a boyfriend and am not interested in him at all.

[Anonymous]

It's really normal since you can't be sexual with your guy. And touching other guys might get detrimental for your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Is it a short or long distance? From what I read you should break up with the guy.