My boyfriend is sometimes a bit socially awkward and it's annoying

[Anonymous]

It's just that he has a very hard time getting to know new people. He's very shy and doesn't have a conversation with strangers easily. He says he feels anxious around them I always feel guilty when I make him go out with me and some friends and it's just kind limiting my social life.

For us it was different, we grew up with each other we had been friends for all our lives. When we went to college last year we both had to move to boston(He goes to MIT, I go to Boston U) and our parents thought it would be a good idea for us to live together. So we kind of started dating.

I'm kind of the opposite, I'm very involved in sports, I volunteer, I'm outgoing and I meet people and make friends easily. It wasn't so relevant in high school, because it was a super small town and there just weren't that many people to meet, but now in college I obviously have lots of new friends and I'd like him to meet them too sometimes.

He says he doesn't want to go out and rather stay home, but we can't do that all the time, so I make him go out and meet my friends and then feel gulity about it when doesn't enjoy it. He found a small group of friends too and he doesn't mind me meeting them at all, just the other way around.

So long question short, how do I fix this? I love him, but I don't always want to do everything by myself all the time. I think he should consider seeing a professional and seriously work on this, but I don't want it to come across as offensive

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't want to meet a lot of new people, there is nothing truly wrong with that. Everyone has a different way of being and although it may seem unhealthy to you. As long as he does have friends, and being shy doesn't affect his work or school life then it's really not an issue for him.

I can see how it bothers you though. I think that people that make the best couples are different from each other, not the same. It is our differences that make us compliment each other and form a strong partnership. On the other hand, it is important to be with someone who will at least sometimes, do the things you want to do. I hate going to the casino, but I'll go every once in a while because he loves to go. He's not crazy about hiking, but he'll go sometimes with me, because he knows I love to go.

So while I'm perfectly happy doing many things by myself or with friends, I really appreciate his willingness to participate sometimes. If you two are really too different in that regard, then he may not be the best partner for your, nor you for him. I'm sure there are plenty of girls out there who would also prefer to stay home most the time. Just as there are plenty of guys who lead more active social lives and enjoy being out and about. Bottom line, differences are good, but there has to be middle ground. He has to be able to put himself out of his comfort zone sometimes to grow as a person and to keep you happy in the relationship.

If you tell him he should seek professional help, that IS offensive. You are basically saying that he is wrong for being the way he is, you are showing disapproval of his personality and as his Girlfriend you should be the first person to accept who he is (or else why would you be with him?). I understand how this is hurting you, and you aren't satisfied. If it isn't hurting him though, then it's not his problem, it's your problem.

My guy sticks to himself more, whereas I am the social butterfly, just like you. I can still get him out of the house though . . . although he's not going to want to meet a whole bunch of new people, that's how I have fun. He just wants to see people he is already friends with, and that's fine too.

[Asker]

The thing is I think it will hurt me sometime. College is kind of a bubble but once you start working you need to be able to perform well in jop interviews, with clients and your colleagues. My professional help is a bit too much , but I think he should work on those things.

I'm not a party animal either but I like just having dinner with friends, inviting them over and watch movies together and stuff like that.

[Opinion Owner]

Does he do well in school? Does it seem to affect him besides how it affects the two of you together?

[Asker]

He is very good in school, when there are presentations he usually scores very low, but it doesn't usually affect his overall grade that much.

Well ya of course it affects him outside of our relationship. i.e. he says that some of his professors do research that they let undergraduates participate in but you have to apply in person and even tho he'd like the position, he's scared of applying. He also says he wants to have more friends or at least meet more people but he somehow can't

[Opinion Owner]

Ok, so he feels like he is trapped in his own body sort of, his mind won't allow him to do things he wants to. You do not have to be outgoing to be successful in life. If it's something he wants to change though, then it would be worth while to encourage him to take steps to do so.

[Gawesome]

You can't force him to change who he is. It's how he's wired. He's naturally introverted while you're extroverted. He doesn't need to be around people as much as you need to be around people. He can change but only if HE wants to change.

Because your personalities are so different, my suggestion is that don't drag him out to everything that you're invited too. Instead, if there's certain friends of yours that he's more familiar and comfortable with...invite him along to those ones since he's more at ease. At least you don't have to do everything yourself all the time yet he has space to do his own thing.

[Asker]

well says he'd like to meet more new people but he's not very good that and doesn't enjoy himself around new people.

I'm not a party animal either, I prefer quiet evenings and sport events but I like having dinner with friends or having people over to watch a movie and it'd be nice if he would talk to them at least a little then

[Gawesome]

I think it's possible for him to break out of his shell. Shyness can be kicked to the curb. It just takes a lot of work and socializing to the point when you can be comfortable and not afraid that you'll embarrass yourself.

I guess in any social situation, stick by his side and try to slip in convo topics that will get him talking or slip something in and put him in the spotlight but make sure its topics that he's comfortable with or enjoys talking about.