Ok so if we "never dated", what is his problem?!

[Anonymous]

This just bugs me! I was with this guy for a long time. We did everything couples do but we never did kiss or anything -- never, not once. I think honestly we were both shy but we always said I love you and everything. One day he just wrote me off and said that all the love stuff was freaking him out. Hurt, uh yea! I told him that I never thought we were anything more than friends and that I love you was a hard thing for me to say but it wasn't like I was IN love with him. And then after that he just turned really mean. He said he didn't know if he even wanted to be friends with me and so I told him to let me know when he decided and every time I asked if he decided, he said he didn't know. Then every time I tried to call to talk him about it, he'd ignore me and then one day he yelled at me telling me to stop calling him and that he didn't want to talk to me because I'd get upset. GOD I was so ticked! And then he hooked up with this girl over spring break and he tried to hide it. I told him that I heard about it and he said, "I don't give a f--." And I told him he better not be saying that about me because I care more then he could EVER know and the next day, he said it wasn't directed at me. I asked him if him and that girl were dating and he said, "No not at all" even though she constantly talked about him. Things started to get a lot better. We even tried to hang out but then BAM -- he changes again, making up all kinds of excuses, which were all flat out lies. I asked him if something was going on with the girl he hooked up with and he said that there wasn't. LIES. She talked about him all the time, hell he even talked about her. And then he asked me why I had to make everything so awkward and I told him that all I wanted was the truth because all he's ever been is my friend and I didn't have feelings for him. The next time I saw him, he said -- "You're crazy but I still love you!" And even though him and this girl have gone on to being in a relationship, officially, he was still really careful around me. And then the last time I seen him, he just acted like a total ass. I think he was too busy showing off to even act like he had any sense at all. And honestly, we're not even friends anymore. Forget that best friend crap, he has changed and I don't even know him anymore. And then there's face book. His girlfriend keeps asking to be my friend, which I won't. I hated her before they started dating, so why would I be her "friend" now?! And he now has a facebook and I knew he wouldn't, but he didn't accept (or deny) my friend request. He left it hanging which I don't care, I just wanted to see what he'd do. I don't get it, we never had much physical contact and supposedly all this time all we've been was just friends. What is his problem? Why is he avoiding me like I'm his ex girlfriend. Today I finally told him that people change and if I don't like it, I should just move on but that's ok, because I still have good memories. I'm just confused!

Updates

+1 y

Someone mentioned that "everyone adds everyone on facebook" -- no. This girl LIVES on facebook and posts every detail of her life on that thing and honestly it would upset me, I just don't want to see it. I'm not going to let her keep tabs on me either...

Updates

+1 y

The night before we graduated, he told me we would meet up one day to exchange graduation gifts. I knew that wouldn't happen and I haven't talked to him. This girl and all her friends call themselves TEAM DRAMA -- immature, yea!

[sweetxpopsicle26]

alot of people are saying it doesn't matter because nothing ever happened but I understnd you100%. from personal experience I'm still struggling it took me an entire school year to get over him and I'm telling you that you will notice one day how much effort you wasted trying to be his friend but he put no effort into it so he's totally not worth your time. I was very close friendswith this kid but he liked me before we even knew each other and would ask his friinds if he knew me and when I found out I told my friend who was also his friend I didn't like him like that. overall though he was a really nice kid. astime passed hispersonality was so sweet and I totally fell for him he told me he loved me and I was the best thing that ever happened to him. I knew he meant it and he really showed it. He never had the guts to askmeout thoughhe attempted several times but it never worked. We just kept getting closer as friends andwe figured we both had strongfeelings for eachother. we never officialy went out but people considered us as dating. We weren't though we were both very shy and to scared to ruin our friendship so we kept it as something like friends with strong feelings. he made me feel amazing and we were so happy in eachothers presence. Over time the feelings somewhat faded and things got weird. we stopped talking. we never said hi or bye and everyone said how he still liked me but something got messed up. one day he imd me and told me everything how he was sooo sad and missed talking to me and how he even cried for me. I thought we could be friends because thaTS how much he meant to me. for a week we were friends and then he started dating my bestfriend afyer everything he ever told me and he knew how much I liked him. I wondered how so easily he could forget me she started making him stop talking to me and he became a total ass only talking to me when she wasnt around then making out in my face. I texted him one last time telling him how happy he made me but I knew I didn't mean the same to him. he gave me a simple 7 word answer to my 5 page text. it hurt so bad. I didn't only lose my first love but also a bestfriend. he told people he still liked me and when he saw me with other guys he would get jelous and would come and try and be nice. but I'm pretty sure he totally forgot me now. we never talk mabey once a month. I miss being his friend. it wasnt until last friday I officialy got over him. I still love him somewhere in me but he's a waste of time and became a majore asshole. I wish the old him would come back but it won't .one day he will notice someone really loved him. Let him go girl. your wayyy to good :]

[helms_girl]

This does sound confusing!

A few questions, though...If you don't care then why do you keep trying to talk to him? Why do you keep asking him if he's with other girls? Why are you taking precious time out of your day to type this out and ask us?

It's obvious that you do care, and I think it's scaring him because it shows and he seems quite confused about his feelings too. If you do not have a crush on him, you REALLY need to stop acting like it. Because reading this, that's what it sounds like. The truth? You sound jealous, love. It doesn't matter how a guy acts. If he doesn't call you his girlfriend, you are not his girlfriend. Just like any relationship; friends, family, lovers etc - if one person is upset, you back off, let them cool down and come to you. If they do not, then that's the way it is, and you're better off without them. It sounds bad, and I know it hurts A LOT, but that's what you've gotta do for yourself. When guys get confused about their feelings, some of them get angry. The anger comes from not really knowing how else to express themselves. He's conflicted, but he obviously cares for you. Even I'm not too sure if the feelings are platonic or romantic. All I know is that you guys need some space from one another. If he asks for it, please...just give it to him. Stay away and let him come back when he's ready. Being pestered into talking can annoy anyone. The next time he approaches you, very calmly say something like; "I've been leaving you alone like you've asked. But I've been really hurt and confused by your actions as of late, and I would really not like for it to happen again. Maybe we should talk." And then you should sit down and discuss things in a non-yelling manner. Try to find out where you stand on the whole " I love you" situation, because I think you are BOTH confused as to what it means for your relationship. Don't sweat it about the other girl. Making a big deal of her will just create more drama. You can dislike someone without being rude or mean about it. Everyone adds everyone on Facebook! C'mon. Add her back and don't talk to her. Whatever. Don't act like kids. What if she wants to make amends? Who knows! Be the bigger person, here. Whether he is your best friend or your boyfriend, you should be able to talk to him about how you feel. But if he is not your boyfriend, he does not need to answer to you, honey. Who he hooks up with or dates is his own business. Just try to respect that space.

[Asker]

He has been my best friend for about 5 years and we have been through a lot, and I don't have a lot of friends. He's very 2 faced and has spent much energy talking about how crappy all of his friends are, her included. He has always told how much better I am then all of those girls. He knows that I have and have had feelings for him. The last time we seen each other really was the LAST TIME for a very long time -- college.

[helms_girl]

He knows what, now? But wait....In your question you said;

"I told him that I never thought we were anything more than friends...it wasn't like I was IN love with him."

You must be confusing him, because I am really confused now. If you had feelings for him then you shouldn't have lied to him about it. When you don't make it clear how you feel, it makes it SO much easier for the other person to play you hot and cold. If you don't know how you feel, how should they?

Am I missing something here?

[Asker]

I loved him in the way that you love your best friend. I had feelings for him but they weren't strong enough to say that I was IN love with him. To me, that's different. After 6 months of him treating me like crap I told him that I didn't have feelings for him anymore, but he was still my best friend.

[MysteAngel]

You deserve SOO much better than that if he is willing to say that to you and blow you off he is not even worth your time! He is just a jerk and deserves someone just like him so he can understand just how it feels but do not let him get you down or keep you down if he does get you down. Live your life and let him see that he hurt you at all make him wonder is she over me does she think about me still it is the easiest way for him to wonder and for you to move on and just have a great life Good luck and I wish you the best

[Regularguy]

I can understand why he is acting that way towards you. This was posted three months ago so I don't know what the situation is now. For what it's worth I think he really did like you at one point or another. Men think of women as investments. It seems like he has invested into you and didn't get a pay off when he tried to express his feelings for you. I think he might not want to be friends with you anymore because it would remind him of what could have been. What happened after all that I can't really account for.

[Asker]

He doesn't want to be friends with my because he's embarrassed and he should be. I feel sorry for him but he made his choice. Every once in awhile we see each other and he will wave or smile so I'm trying to be the bigger person and still be his friend. He deserves a good friend but I'm not going to get sucked into his world again. Maybe one day he will group but I plan on being long gone by then. I stayed home for college because of him, next year...I'm out of here.

[rickjames155]

i'm kinda wit some answers already here, in the sense that if nothing ever happened between you two, why do you care? Uck 'im...lol find some friends who'd actually care about you. If you take this from a friend, imagine a b/f...focus on more important ish in life.

[Asker]

I really don't think we ever had anything more than just a really complicated friendship. I don't like his new girlfriend and I haven't long before they started dating. He's just treating me like I AM his ex girlfriend and that's what I don't get. I may not like her, but it's not like I'm going to try to break them up or anything. I don't get why we aren't friends anymore. I guess I'm just crazy.

[rickjames155]

Idk, probably because you've acted like you like the guy in the past, and he prob did too. it jus seems taking that into account, being friends is awkward for the dude and he wants to move on. anyway if you don't like the guy, and he obviously tryna get you outta his system, then help him out an stop talkin to him! lol.

[Reeses-pieces777]

tell his girlfriend what he did to you and maybe if she has any common sense to dump the ass, she will.

don't be confused.

it doesn't really matter, he's moved on now. so you should just find someone who will appreciate you.

he sounds manipulative and inexperienced at relationships or he never planned to make it official but he's denying it so he looks better.

don't let guys have what they want until they commit and they say they've made it official. the guy sounds like an asshole, no offense

[Asker]

Oh I'm not going to warn his girlfriend. She's a dumb bitch...in fact, he used to hate her. I guess all that changes when she has sex with him, huh? All I know is, with her he is constantly going to be in high school. He'll be stuck there, never moving on. I'm sick of being called crazy by all of his friends!

[Reeses-pieces777]

Ignore his dumbass friends then. gawd. I had a dumb ex boyfriend as well but I never ever hooked up with him after we broke up, I'm happy I never see his f*** face ever again! lols

[AlyssMaddigan]

Um, he sounds like a confused jerk.

She's trying to add you on Facebook to keep tabs on you, because you keep contacting her boyfriend, that should be obvious to you.

He's not accepting or denying you because he doesn't want to p*ss both of you off.

Is it that hard to see that he's attempting to bat for both teams here? He wants to keep you around, but if he doesn't push against you it looks bad to the girlfriend.

Or maybe I'm wrong and he's just a Drama King..

[Asker]

I figured he's not adding me because of that reason, it's obvious. I just really don't care about facebook though so she shouldn't either.