How to stop feeling guilty and bad after eating food (any kind) ?

[Anonymous]

Hi. I am struggling with eating disorder and whenever i eat i feel so ugly and i can't stand myself but take laxatives to get everything out of me. Whenever a person eats their stomach gets bigger cause food must go somewhere but i can't stand this belly grow i want to rip myself in pieces of how bad i feel in myself. That happens with healthy and "not healthy" good as well. In general FOOD.

Any suggestions what to do?

[AmandaYVR]

Try reading about body dysmorphia. You probably don't see yourself with the objective eyes that you think you do. You might think others are just lying to you when they tell you positive things about yourself, or that they like the way you look. But you are the one who is wrong, not them.

You're killing yourself from the inside. You can get esophageal cancer from sending food back up the throat (if you are doing that) due to all the acid. Laxatives are an efficient way to lose weight but they're also extremely hard on the body.

Why do you place so much priority on your looks? Think about that. Why don't you value other, intrinsic, non-external parts of yourself? Your body is a shell, a vessel, for the rest of you, the parts that really matter - your character, soul, heart. Are they ugly? Do you dislike who you are? Then work on it. Fill your brain with knowledge. Be curious, inquisitive, about the world, people. You are too self-focused. Expand, think bigger, think about something more than just yourself. Be grateful you have food to eat. Many do not.

[Asker]

Thank u. Yes i have body dysmorphia symptoms. U see.. i have always been a fat person and people around me never liked me, especially my family always judging me , my looks and making fun of me. I don't know how everything started it did so unexpectedly and i haven't noticed it long enough after others got concerned for me. And yes now i still see myself same as I was a year ago and feel so guilty after eating cause it looks like I'm healing and noone knows I'm sick so yk like this I'd gain weight and i don't want that stuff restarts.

[AmandaYVR]

Can you work out to lose weight the natural way? Do you enjoy the outdoors? Do you have a dog? Is there any activity that would keep you active and your body moving, but not feel like a chore you always dread?

People can be overweight but still have good aerobic health. You don't need to judge yourself just on your size. But constantly purging your system is going to have longterm repercussions. You really don't want to put yourself through that.

[Asker]

Yes that's true. I am sick of what my mind makes me do...

[TheLittleInnocent]

First off are you seeking professional help? If not that's probably the best option as I don't think most people on here are qualified to help you effectively.

[Asker]

You're right but not yet.. I feel it's not sick enough to seek help for. And my ed isn't diagnosed yet but symptoms are the same so I don't know.

[TheLittleInnocent]

After reading your question, I think now is the perfect time. It's one to have the these kinds of thoughts but it's a whole other to start using laxatives. And don't worry about not being sick enough. I personally started therapy 2 years before getting diagnosed. You most definitely should reach out for help right now as it can escalate into more forms of self harm. You may have a long journey ahead of you but I really hope you indeed get better hun.

[Asker]

Thank you very much 🙏

[Anonymous]

Try mindful eating, it could help with that